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OP, Just a side note: many women don't orgasm from intercourse alone, and some aren't able to do so during it (PIV) on a consistent basis or at all. Don't put pressure on her to orgasm during intercourse or at the same time as you. I know that seems to be the norm in movies or porn, but reality is often different. Doesn't mean it isn't amazing. There are plenty of ways to get her to O...hopefully once you both figure that out, it will be a game-changer for her.
I agree. It used to really annoy me if guys were focused on whether I was having an orgasm to the point of talking and distracting me about it. Because if they're talking and making me feel self-conscious ain't nothing good going to come of that.
 

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Discussion Starter · #122 ·
The blindfold should be for her. It can help self conscious people escape that. Many women can’t relax and get excited because they are stuck in their own brains.

In addition asking her to figure out what makes her orgasm is bad in my opinion. Many women including myself don’t masturebate and the things that get me going aren’t something I’d do to myself.

you should do a little research then pick a plan and Execute.

and I wouldn’t worry about your boredom until you get better at your end. Do you orgasm? Yes. Can tell you it’s pretty boring if it’s not feeling good. And missionary plain doesn’t do it for lots of women. Try tilting her pelvis up by putting a pillow underneath her butt.
Thank you so much. We tried the pillow thing last night and at first she was a little weirded out by it but then in the end both of us found it helpful. Thank you!!
 

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Discussion Starter · #123 ·
We need to remember that what we have here are two virginal newly weds. I suspect one has been watching porn and wonders why they aren't swinging from the chandelier and the other is still trying to figure out how to insert the plug into the outlet.

If they had no problem keeping their hands off each other when they were dating, there may be a lack of chemistry.
Neither of us watches porn. I don’t have a lack of attraction to her I just do feel lost at what I should be doing to make it enjoyable for her.
 

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Discussion Starter · #124 ·
A lot of people are mentioning porn as giving the OP unrealistic expectations.

Has the OP even said if he watches porn or not?

The only thing I’ve seen mentioned about porn was a MC recommended it and he rejected that idea.

Does he even watch porn?
I do not. I understand that’s not realistic and would never want my wife to feel compared to that.
 

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Was it the partner that changed when you got to your 30s?
I think we become less body conscious as we get a bit older. I'm an endurance athlete so I'm in pretty good shape but little imperfections don't bother me at all. I have two grown boys and the stretch marks to prove it.

But i also think you are waaaay to passive. I couldn't deal with that. It's a process you can work through but your goal should be to bolster your own self confidence so you can lead. A confident man can get all kinds of things out of a woman.

Remember that people who accuse others of being boring are often boring. You two are young and inexperienced but if you keep at it and are patient you can both grow.
 

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After all the many, many posts here, many good ones, and much wisdom across some.

*take what works for you, leave the rest 🙂.

Can, in one simple analogy be boiled down to:

Making love to a loving wife, regardless of either spouses level of sexual skill or experience is almost exactly like a musician wanting to, dedicated to, and enjoying mastering playing a high quality musical instrument.

You shouldn't expect to play at a high skill level at first but you still play, practice continuously with passion and dedication, and loving the music you can get out of your instrument, and taking great care of the instrument because you know it's of great value it itself

I'll use an acoustic guitar in this analogy, for brevity.

You're committed, and practice enthusiastically with passion daily. You spend time learning about the physics of the guitar, it's construction, best care of the many parts, and very much appreciate the sounds it makes.

You study music theory and acoustics because it helps you focuse and know the guitar's strengths and weaknesses and you strongly desire to play that guitar the best it can be played and you know that as you get more skillful the better the music.

You realize getting the best music from the guitar depends on your effort and dedication to improving daily.

You study and practice different songs, get better and better, and soon the guitar is showing you her strengths as if sweet, bell like tones, great rhythm sound board performance, clear and bright sustains and super results from string bending improvisations, more.

You reach higher skill levels and the guitar at times seems to respond to your improved skill set, the guitar at times almost plays itself.

But recall the first step; the first action is to show appreciation of the instrument and show your dedication to it's care and maintenance so as your skills improve and variety of songs you've learned expand the music coming from you playing the guitar continues to get sweeter every day.

The beauty is that the variety of music composure is infinite.

And with regular practice only gets better.

This is a guaranteed successful approach.

If you do nothing else, start down this path.
 

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The other side of the coin is that she might not be a very sexual person, or might not be attracted to him. If it's one of these, he'll be spinning his sexual wheels forever, going nowhere.
 

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Thank you so much. We tried the pillow thing last night and at first she was a little weirded out by it but then in the end both of us found it helpful. Thank you!!
I still think your wife should be working on unlocking her orgasm. You still haven’t answered if she has ever had one even by herself.

If not you’re not likely to get there through any kind of missionary unless you’re using your hands and if you do use your hands unless she can direct you how to do it, it’s hard for me to believe you’ll accidentally stumble across what she needs but maybe you’re an untapped sex beast.

If you can get her to try from the top and she has the stamina to pull it off it will result in more contact for her clitoris and she will also be able to control everything about how the pressure is happening as well as depth and angle. Can also try a pillow under your hips from this position if it is uncomfortable for her.
 

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I still think your wife should be working on unlocking her orgasm. You still haven’t answered if she has ever had one even by herself.
@CN2622 .

Really?

This may be the very much most important question to get answered.

If she hasn't O'd on her own, she really needs to spend some of her time experimenting.

If she's totally not willing to spend that time experimenting and cross that bridge, as in she won't even try, that's an entirely different set of problems.

Has she, or is she even willing ?

(Sorry to be so direct. I'm older, M 36 yrs, so I'm not asking out of nosiness but in an earnest attempt to gain more data so solutions can be more on target.)
 

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I don't think he should pressure her to O by herself. There are many women particularly young women who don't masturbate. If she does, great he can ask her what does it for her. But to pressure her to do something she isn't in too when they are both so inexperienced isn't good.

I know I don't masturbate because honestly it doesn't do much for me. I prefer my husband. I'm old and not sexually repressed these days and I still don't masturbate. We have toys.

And at that age and level of experience if someone told me I had to figure it out so I could tell them. Well I think I would have given up.
 

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I don't think he should pressure her to O by herself. There are many women particularly young women who don't masturbate. If she does, great he can ask her what does it for her. But to pressure her to do something she isn't in too when they are both so inexperienced isn't good.

I know I don't masturbate because honestly it doesn't do much for me. I prefer my husband. I'm old and not sexually repressed these days and I still don't masturbate. We have toys.

And at that age and level of experience if someone told me I had to figure it out so I could tell them. Well I think I would have given up.
Interesting. I’m pretty sure there is a “becoming orgasmic” subreddit; would be interesting to see what the collective wisdom was on this. A lot of the posts I have come across randomly suggest it is better for women to discover for themselves but maybe not for everyone.
 

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I don't think he should pressure her to O by herself. There are many women particularly young women who don't masturbate. If she does, great he can ask her what does it for her. But to pressure her to do something she isn't in too when they are both so inexperienced isn't good.

I know I don't masturbate because honestly it doesn't do much for me. I prefer my husband. I'm old and not sexually repressed these days and I still don't masturbate. We have toys.

And at that age and level of experience if someone told me I had to figure it out so I could tell them. Well I think I would have given up.
This makes no sense.

He needs to know if his wife has ever had an orgasm. Their sex life is dead in the water if they don't even have that piece of information.
 

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This makes no sense.

He needs to know if his wife has ever had an orgasm. Their sex life is dead in the water if they don't even have that piece of information.
Sorry my personal life experiences make no sense to you.

I wasn't suggesting he not ask if she has ever had an orgasm. I was suggesting he may not want to pressure her into self exploration for her to come back and tell him what works. I think she probably doesn't know what works and they can explore together.

OP obviously you know your wife more than we do. If you think she is open to self exploration and that you suggesting it to her would be welcome and not make her feel self conscious then go for it.
 

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Interesting. I’m pretty sure there is a “becoming orgasmic” subreddit; would be interesting to see what the collective wisdom was on this. A lot of the posts I have come across randomly suggest it is better for women to discover for themselves but maybe not for everyone.
yes many of them men and some women. I think this whole site is made up of more sexual people than the average young person so shy they won't even take their clothes off. Don't you agree? And of course what man doesn't want to be handed a manual on how to make their spouse orgasm?

However, I think we should deal with the situation we have at hand. His wife is making progress and they can explore together. But that is just me.
 

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Hi CN2622, I skimmed your other threads to get an idea of the setup, b/c quite frankly your title was off-putting. It sounds like you are both young and inexperienced and navigating sex and intimacy together as newlyweds. I think that is a beautiful thing, but you need to realize that it requires considerable patience, persistence and understanding.

I've dealt with many of the issues your wife is dealing with now, and honestly, they are not unusual considering her age, experience and partner. It will take time for her to become more confident and conquer her body issues, but that can't happen without desire and persistence on her end. I agree with ccpowerslave, that your wife needs to take control of her pleasure and learn what pleases her.

Sex and intimacy is a developed skill, not everyone is born a Lothario or Mata Hari. Like other women on this thread, I didn't experience great sex until my current relationship at 40. Boy, I didn't know what I was missing! I am no model, I have body image issues like anyone else and I felt very self-conscious. Granted I never had issues getting naked, with the lights on or actively enjoying sex, but it took time to get comfortable enough to do other things.

Like you, my bf was labeled a passive man, and he is in many ways. That is not necessarily a bad thing in and of itself, not every man is cut out to be a club-wielding caveman. The onus is always on the person who wants things to happen to find a way to MAKE them happen. You need to develop leadership and make your wife feel comfortable enough to become vulnerable with you. My bf and I talked about his "development" in passing, he's not Tarzan, but I have ZERO complaints in the bedroom department. So here are some things he did I found very encouraging that put me at ease:

1. He was never critical of me, and that man can be brutally honest
2. He is very patient. Like, will wait for months-years for me to progress as my pace patient.
3. All sex talk occurred when sex couldn't happen so there was no immediate pressure.
4. He is very observant and has developed is ability to "read the vibe" and go with it
5. If he wants to try a position, he will sort of move us to it without interrupting our vibe and killing the mood. That initiative is very attractive!

I'm sure there are other things, and maybe other people add to the practical "how to's", but that's what I've noticed. I will say this, women have so much pressure sexuall, you can't be too sexual, b/c it'll destroy your man's ego, but if you're not sexual enough, you're repressed.

I know men have their own issues, but at the end of the day, both of you love each other, so remember that, and remind your wife how much you love her and want to share close emotional intimacy and pleasure with her to tighten the strength of the bonds you already share. Let her know gently, marriage is a sexual relationship, and you are in it to win it with her.

Anyway, you seem to be willing to learn, and not too self-conscious to examine yourself critically, as you came to ask now, and not 10 years from now. Keep trying and don't ever be discouraged, but you have to lead and she will follow.
 

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About 75 percent of all women never reach orgasm from intercourse alone -- that is without the extra help of sex toys, hands or tongue.

Most require clitoral stimulation.
A known fact. Hence, the dire recommendations that she experiment herself, if shy, to so she can determine if she desires to what areas of the clitoris and clitoral shaft if stimulated feels best to her. Including outer areas and more - without getting too graphic.

She can then share her preferences and how she achieved an O, when she did.

But if they haven't shared whether she has, hasn't, or tried to experiment between them, that's the hold up.
 

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Agreed. This is the elephant in the room.

It’s like trying to run before you can walk.

Remember you must learn to fly before you can soar with the eagles!

You must learn to swim before you can dive with the dolphins.

Don’t put the cart before the horse.
 
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