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They need to work out how she can even get the O.
Honestly that's something a woman needs to work out for themselves. And then she can show the man how to do it. The o is not necessarily the most important thing about sex to a woman. They have to feel a connection and I would hope she didn't get married if she didn't feel one. But even if she does feel one what she feels maybe more accurately expressed as attention and affection. We just don't know because she isn't very forthcoming. She may not know herself.
 

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Unfortunately for OP, not everyone who waits is enthusiastic once the waiting is over. She’s apparently one who isn’t. Maybe time will help and maybe it won’t but it’s not unheard of for this not to be a quick process so be patient and continue to work on it.
 

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By a show of hands here, how many people had sex in their teens,,, possibly as a virgin and possibly with another virgin as well where the sex was very enthusiastic and engaging even if not completely technically skilled.

🤚
As a teen, my bf and I did "touchy feely" but I never saw a penis nor had PIV until I was raped in college at 19yo. The first time I consented to sex was after college. I went out with a guy and thought "Good heavens, I'm out of college! I should just go along with this..." (so not a great mindset or some kind of romantized "love"), and it was utterly a dud. I literally thought afterward: "Wait? That's it? I've been a virgin all this time for that?" I'm not kidding! The next time I consented to sex, I ended up marrying that guy.

So in many ways, I can "identify" with the OP's wife and how a person can grow up and kind of end up with a less-than-enthusiastic view of sex. I mean, my teen bf taught me what I think of as "loving" now...but from college on, sex at first was NOT good or exciting, and in fact resulted in some decidedly BAD and lackluster feelings! If something is bad and lackluster, why would I want more of that? In addition, the man I married (my first hubby) cheated on me and regularly told me that he desired a tall, thin woman -- so WHY did he marry me? I'm neither tall nor thin! I constantly felt unwanted and pressured to be what I wasn't.

Anyway, to answer the question, nope sex was not enthusiastic, engaging or technically skilled. That was all stuff that had to be learned and it took probably until in my 30's to learn...and into my 40's before I felt, as a woman, WOOHOO I know exactly what I want and how I want it!
 

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Exactly! And having that connection doesn't mean you're trying to jump into that someone's pants (assuming the someone is of the opposite sex.) TAM serves that purpose to a limited extent, but when things get too graphic, there are complaints. Men are visual creatures and need the graphics. I, too, have successfully counseled others in sexual matters. However, knowing how to fix others' problems does not necessarily mean I know how to fix my own problems.
Anyone wanting to know what posts are acceptable on TAM should read the site sticky notes and rules.
 

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As a teen, my bf and I did "touchy feely" but I never saw a penis nor had PIV until I was raped in college at 19yo. The first time I consented to sex was after college. I went out with a guy and thought "Good heavens, I'm out of college! I should just go along with this..." (so not a great mindset or some kind of romantized "love"), and it was utterly a dud. I literally thought afterward: "Wait? That's it? I've been a virgin all this time for that?" I'm not kidding! The next time I consented to sex, I ended up marrying that guy.

So in many ways, I can "identify" with the OP's wife and how a person can grow up and kind of end up with a less-than-enthusiastic view of sex. I mean, my teen bf taught me what I think of as "loving" now...but from college on, sex at first was NOT good or exciting, and in fact resulted in some decidedly BAD and lackluster feelings! If something is bad and lackluster, why would I want more of that? In addition, the man I married (my first hubby) cheated on me and regularly told me that he desired a tall, thin woman -- so WHY did he marry me? I'm neither tall nor thin! I constantly felt unwanted and pressured to be what I wasn't.

Anyway, to answer the question, nope sex was not enthusiastic, engaging or technically skilled. That was all stuff that had to be learned and it took probably until in my 30's to learn...and into my 40's before I felt, as a woman, WOOHOO I know exactly what I want and how I want it!
I am very sorry to hear about the assault and that brings up a whole host of other issues.

But even the rest of your post is kind of missing my point a bit.

I’m not talking about teen sex being “good” or mind blowing orgasms etc.

If you were to ask my high school GF how the sex was with me back in the day, she’d likely say I was inept and unskilled and that she did not orgasm with me.

But my point here is that even though she may not have found it earth moving or even orgasmic during our time together - she was uninhibited, she was enthusiastic and she was engaged. She dropped her clothes with the lights on or in the middle of the afternoon, we engaged in a wide variety of positions, we both gave and recieved oral etc etc

All of this as inexperienced, teenage virgins.

My point is not that teen sex is great. It is that the inhibition, dissatisfaction, awkwardness and apparent lack of chemistry with the OP’s situation is not just inexperience. There is more to this situation beside just simple inexperience.
 

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I haven't read all of this thread, but I would advise the OP that if you want intimacy to be more exciting than you will also have to be the one that takes responsibility for that. You will also need to do so in a way that is compatible with your wife's lovemaking style which you describe as that of a starfish (just lays there in the bed likely resembling a starfish and nothing more).

An example of something that you could try might include buying a jar of coconut oil from the grocery store and then playing a game of "oops it ALL spilled out of the jar!"
 

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@oldshirt and @CN2622

I see what you're saying about there being "something more" to the inhibition, dissatisfaction, awkwardness and apparent lack of chemistry. My situation is actually AN EXAMPLE of that...so I think we're agreeing!

I wouldn't say I'm inhibited etc. now, but in my early twenties I was...but it was absolutely BECAUSE I had been raped and didn't face it, and then had bad sex coupled with "christian guilt", and then married a man who didn't love my body type and pressured me to be what I wasn't. So see how all that stuff that made me feel inhibited and dissatisfied and awkward?

@CN2622, in my life, my first husband cheated on me and we ended up divorced! Chances are about 99.99% that your wife HAS had something more happen in her life, and the way to improve the situation is ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY 100% NOT to try to guilt her into "being better in bed" and comparing her to porn!!! Porn is NOT reality, nor is it true intimate lovemaking! I'd say take the time to learn yourself how to be a better lover, how to gain confidence, how to improve technique, etc. and then patiently teach her to learn some of those things herself.
 

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@oldshirt and @CN2622

I see what you're saying about there being "something more" to the inhibition, dissatisfaction, awkwardness and apparent lack of chemistry. My situation is actually AN EXAMPLE of that...so I think we're agreeing!

I wouldn't say I'm inhibited etc. now, but in my early twenties I was...but it was absolutely BECAUSE I had been raped and didn't face it, and then had bad sex coupled with "christian guilt", and then married a man who didn't love my body type and pressured me to be what I wasn't. So see how all that stuff that made me feel inhibited and dissatisfied and awkward?

@CN2622, in my life, my first husband cheated on me and we ended up divorced! Chances are about 99.99% that your wife HAS had something more happen in her life, and the way to improve the situation is ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY 100% NOT to try to guilt her into "being better in bed" and comparing her to porn!!! Porn is NOT reality, nor is it true intimate lovemaking! I'd say take the time to learn yourself how to be a better lover, how to gain confidence, how to improve technique, etc. and then patiently teach her to learn some of those things herself.
Hallelujah!!! Sun shines through the clouds.😁
 

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OP you are both young and newly weds and you have years ahead exploring each others bodies and finding out what you both like/enjoy. Touch, kiss, explore (don't rush it) every inch of each others bodies in every part of your house, on furniture lol and tell each other what feels good etc. The foreplay and exploring i would focus on first. The Full sex PIV can wait till you are both ready for it. In time your both you and your wife will be happier in the bedroom. You can make it fun by getting a Karma sutra book and try the different positions. You can also buy games for during sex and introduce toys, oils, cream haha (just don't use anything sticky like syrup, you will stick together. It's very painful. It nearly ripped my skin off) oils are best like coconut oil, baby oil. Have fun and look forward to your update.

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☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝
 

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By a show of hands here, how many people had sex in their teens,,, possibly as a virgin and possibly with another virgin as well where the sex was very enthusiastic and engaging even if not completely technically skilled.

🤚
As a teenager I was just crushing on particular guys and all excited to even talk to them but I definitely wasn't stripping naked and giving them BJ's. Before college, the only thing interesting approaching sex was dry humping with a guy in his car and then he stopped right when it was getting interesting for me. But that was the first time any guy did anything that was a physical turn on.

In college and thereafter I ran amok but good sex was few and far between. Good thing I enjoyed the chase and excitement of that.
 
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A lot of people are mentioning porn as giving the OP unrealistic expectations.

Has the OP even said if he watches porn or not?

The only thing I’ve seen mentioned about porn was a MC recommended it and he rejected that idea.

Does he even watch porn?
 

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As a teenager I was just crushing on particular guys and all excited to even talk to them but I definitely wasn't stripping naked and giving them BJ's. Before college, the only thing interesting approaching sex was dry humping with a guy in his car and then he stopped right when it was getting interesting for me. But that was the first time any guy did anything that was a physical turn on.

In college and thereafter I ran amok but good sex was few and far between. Good thing I enjoyed the chase and excitement of that.
Like I said above, im not really talking about good sex.

You’re kind of a proving my point for me above.
 

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OP, Just a side note: many women don't orgasm from intercourse alone, and some aren't able to do so during it (PIV) on a consistent basis or at all. Don't put pressure on her to orgasm during intercourse or at the same time as you. I know that seems to be the norm in movies or porn, but reality is often different. Doesn't mean it isn't amazing. There are plenty of ways to get her to O...hopefully once you both figure that out, it will be a game-changer for her.
 

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One month ago, he joined and claimed to be newly weds. Then the complaints started. Just how interested would you be? Patience and some time are necessary to ascertain what the real problems are.

What if he married a woman who didn't know how to cook? Wouldn't he expect it to take some practice, lessons maybe and experience to produce a meal that he would consider edible? If he brought up his disappointment from the get-go, I can see his wife telling him that he can cook his own meals.

I wager they haven't had sex more than half a dozen times.
I like your analogy and just wanted to add there’s a difference with WANTING to learn to cook. As a non-cooking type, Batman knew this from the get-go. I could microwave well though. Whereas he’s into cooking. We have been to classes together, which for the most part I lined up, and still not particularly interested - although eating as a class together at the end was good. I’m into the eating and social part. So while I’m recently making more ‘effort’ due to changes in routine and happy to do so, it’s still not my ‘bag’. He appreciates when I do cook but he also accepts it’s not my bag. And I appreciate the delicious meals he makes with the interest he has with cooking

Sex on the other hand - despite being inexperienced when I met him, I was pretty open about and into with him. My point (I think I have one) is that for me, neither of these aspects of myself have really changed over the years.

Maybe if I had an internal desire to want to cook but just didn’t know how, that would be different. So it depends whether she has interest in sex with him or not. Or interest in embracing her own sexuality. Regardless of what he is or isn’t doing.
 
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OP you are both young and newly weds and you have years ahead exploring each others bodies and finding out what you both like/enjoy. Touch, kiss, explore (don't rush it) every inch of each others bodies in every part of your house, on furniture lol and tell each other what feels good etc. The foreplay and exploring i would focus on first. The Full sex PIV can wait till you are both ready for it. In time your both you and your wife will be happier in the bedroom. You can make it fun by getting a Karma sutra book and try the different positions. You can also buy games for during sex and introduce toys, oils, cream haha (just don't use anything sticky like syrup, you will stick together. It's very painful. It nearly ripped my skin off) oils are best like coconut oil, baby oil. Have fun and look forward to your update.

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I had thought about the Kama Sutra too. Although because it’s much more than just positions. I bought this for myself (or a version of it) when I was 17 and still a virgin. I was curious after it featured in a song lyric haha and thought, ‘What is that book really about?’ What I recall the most was more about the spiritual / mental entwining.
 

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I had thought about the Kama Sutra too. Although because it’s much more than just positions. I bought this for myself (or a version of it) when I was 17 and still a virgin. I was curious after it featured in a song lyric haha and thought, ‘What is that book really about?’ What I recall the most was more about the spiritual / mental entwining.
I lost my virginity when I was 18 and after that bought myself a Karma Sutra book. My ex and myself started from the 1st page and tried different positions every time haha. It was fun. Some were impossible but I mostly bought it for the positions. I was a virgin and my ex had lots of girl friends before me (while with me too and behind his ex wife's back lol) I just remember being young and exploring was fun. OP and his wife sound like they are exploring things for themselves now. They should relax, go with the flow, make it fun . He is worrying too much. Worrying will ruin things.

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