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If I were the OP, I would expect this to get incrementally better, perhaps, for a while, but ultimately to fall well short of what he really wants.

A partner who desired what he wants out of a sexual relationship would have shown a little more initiative to make it happen by now. If you are not familiar with the Greek story of Sisyphus, look it up. Inexperience does not explain this level of sexual complacency or aversion, IMHO.

OP, unless I'm very much mistaken, this is going to be your sexual life FOREVER. Only you can decide if the journey is worth the toll. The person who is ultimately going to have to make most of the compromises is going to be you.
If I could like this post a million times, I would. This is the truth of the situation.

Like Cletus said, inexperience does not explain (even close to) this level of sexual complacency and aversion.
 

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Actually, I assumed she wasn't. She isn't relaxed enough about sex to have an orgasm. There needs to be some work between her ears before it will translate to between her legs. The very worst thing he can do is to make her feel less than - desirable or adequate.
Yeah there is a difference to me where if she has literally never had one even by herself versus not having one with the OP.

Worrying about if you like sex or not with someone who hasn’t even had an orgasm yet seems backwards and broken.

If I was the OP I would dial it way back and work on that at the exclusion of everything else.
 

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We need to remember that what we have here are two virginal newly weds. I suspect one has been watching porn and wonders why they aren't swinging from the chandelier and the other is still trying to figure out how to insert the plug into the outlet.

If they had no problem keeping their hands off each other when they were dating, there may be a lack of chemistry.
 

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We need to remember that what we have here are two virginal newly weds. I suspect one has been watching porn and wonders why they aren't swinging from the chandelier and the other is still trying to figure out how to insert the plug into the outlet.
For various definitions of "swinging from the chandeliers" which include actually taking off your clothes together.

Missing know-how between two virgins is to be expected. Hell, it's even part of the fun. Disinterest or aversion? Not the same thing.
 

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Just for data points...

I knew a fairly inexperienced couple once where he was a virgin and she had very limited experience and had never had someone give her the O.

She became so disinterest in sex she said she didn't care if she ever had it again and she was in her early twenties. She didn't like getting naked and was very reserved and nervous in the bedroom.

I took my young friend out and started having big brother type conversations with him about sex.

We continued our conversations and in a couple months, she couldn't shut up about how much she loved sex and was giving her husband lap dances.

Mileage varies but I've never observed sexual behavior as being written in stone. We aren't hardwired and can develop it like anything.

It does take the initial willingness to participate and OP's wife has certainly shown that she is willing despite getting very little returns herself.
 

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For various definitions of "swinging from the chandeliers" which include actually taking off your clothes together.

Missing know-how between two virgins is to be expected. Hell, it's even part of the fun. Disinterest or aversion? Not the same thing.
One month ago, he joined and claimed to be newly weds. Then the complaints started. Just how interested would you be? Patience and some time are necessary to ascertain what the real problems are.

What if he married a woman who didn't know how to cook? Wouldn't he expect it to take some practice, lessons maybe and experience to produce a meal that he would consider edible? If he brought up his disappointment from the get-go, I can see his wife telling him that he can cook his own meals.

I wager they haven't had sex more than half a dozen times.
 

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My wife was able to be intimate last night with me with some light candles and no clothing on. My question is after we talked and she said she wants to try new things but then when we are intimate she is always very quiet and just kind of lays there. I don’t want to insult her and tell her sometimes I am bored. I have told her I would like to try new things also but we never do. I don’t want to push her too far since we were able to get undressed together last night.
You are going to have to be the one who is confident enough to try a new thing and you should not start with the most extreme thing. She is passive and not about to initiate that sort of thing. So you don't need to tell her anything but you just need to initiate what you want to do. I'm assuming if she doesn't want to she will stop or tell you. Don't be negative about it. When she is doing something you like you need to tell her that feels good and be positive about encouraging that but don't just keep talking about it.
 

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One month ago, he joined and claimed to be newly weds. Then the complaints started. Just how interested would you be? Patience and some time are necessary to ascertain what the real problems are.

What if he married a woman who didn't know how to cook? Wouldn't he expect it to take some practice, lessons maybe and experience to produce a meal that he would consider edible? If he brought up his disappointment from the get-go, I can see his wife telling him that he can cook his own meals.

I wager they haven't had sex more than half a dozen times.
I think many, myself included at times, tend to measure the world by our experiences.

I've seen more people, who wanted to try, improve in this area than not.
 

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What if he married a woman who didn't know how to cook? Wouldn't he expect it to take some practice, lessons maybe and experience to produce a meal that he would consider edible?
I would expect someone who didn't know how to cook but was truly interested in learning how to show enthusiasm in the kitchen - lots of dirty pots and pans, lots of mistakes, burned dinners, some failures, and some successes, and a growing skill set.

Likewise, I would expect someone who does not know how to cook but would rather order takeout to show little motivation to learn, possibly even while making all the mouth noises to the contrary to their partner.

Everyone is rooting for the OP here. Everyone comes here for advice. Plenty has been provided to solve on the issue directly, and we all hope it works out. Some of that advice should include the possibility that this is not fixable in a way that satisfies both partners. Everyone should know that before their lives become so entangled that it is too hard to fix.

You might be right. OP should consider both possibilities.
 

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I wish a lot of people had someone they could trust to discuss sex. It's one of the most important human topics but it's shrouded in misinformation, taboo and shame.
Exactly! And having that connection doesn't mean you're trying to jump into that someone's pants (assuming the someone is of the opposite sex.) TAM serves that purpose to a limited extent, but when things get too graphic, there are complaints. Men are visual creatures and need the graphics. I, too, have successfully counseled others in sexual matters. However, knowing how to fix others' problems does not necessarily mean I know how to fix my own problems.
 

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We need to remember that what we have here are two virginal newly weds. I suspect one has been watching porn and wonders why they aren't swinging from the chandelier and the other is still trying to figure out how to insert the plug into the outlet.

If they had no problem keeping their hands off each other when they were dating, there may be a lack of chemistry.
By a show of hands here, how many people had sex in their teens,,, possibly as a virgin and possibly with another virgin as well where the sex was very enthusiastic and engaging even if not completely technically skilled.

🤚
 

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By a show of hands here, how many people had sex in their teens,,, possibly as a virgin and possibly with another virgin as well where the sex was very enthusiastic and engaging even if not completely technically skilled.

🤚
🤚
 

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By a show of hands here, how many people had sex in their teens,,, possibly as a virgin and possibly with another virgin as well where the sex was very enthusiastic and engaging even if not completely technically skilled.

🤚
Yep my first was such a dud. I didn't really want sex after that.
:)
 

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Which proves nothing.
I wasn’t asking for proof of anything, but rather to show that lack of technical experience does not = lack of engagement, enthusiasm and desire.

How many teens across the world this very day are going to get all hot and bothered and have their hormones surging out of control and be breathless and passionate even though they’ve had very little if any experience?

My first sexual experiences in my teens as a young, naive, virginal, midwestern farm boy with a teenage, virginal, farmer’s daughter were heads and shoulders more engaging, intimate and enthusiastic that what is being described here.

This is far beyond a simple lack of experience and technical skill.
 

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We need to remember that what we have here are two virginal newly weds. I suspect one has been watching porn and wonders why they aren't swinging from the chandelier and the other is still trying to figure out how to insert the plug into the outlet.

If they had no problem keeping their hands off each other when they were dating, there may be a lack of chemistry.
I think this is probably the root of the problem and of many many problems.

OP, if you have been watching porn and are thinking that this is stuff most people do or should do, you need to reflect on the fact that porn actresses are either paid to do what they're doing or are forced into slavery to do what they're doing. What is going on in porn is mostly just a man's fantasy and not routine for making love to your wife and a whole lot of it would not be enjoyable to your wife.
 

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I wasn’t asking for proof of anything, but rather to show that lack of technical experience does not = lack of engagement, enthusiasm and desire.

How many teens across the world this very day are going to get all hot and bothered and have their hormones surging out of control and be breathless and passionate even though they’ve had very little if any experience?

My first sexual experiences in my teens as a young, naive, virginal, midwestern farm boy with a teenage, virginal, farmer’s daughter were heads and shoulders more engaging, intimate and enthusiastic that what is being described here.

This is far beyond a simple lack of experience and technical skill.
My first time had her talking to God, yelling YES! at the top of her lungs with her eyes rolling in the back of her head and her head tossed back.

Many others do not experience anything close and they start out barely getting the mechanics down but they do improve if they keep at it and try.
 

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I think this is probably the root of the problem and of many many problems.

OP, if you have been watching porn and are thinking that this is stuff most people do or should do, you need to reflect on the fact that porn actresses are either paid to do what they're doing or are forced into slavery to do what they're doing. What is going on in porn is mostly just a man's fantasy and not routine for making love to your wife and a whole lot of it would not be enjoyable to your wife.
They need to work out how she can even get the O.
 
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