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My wife was able to be intimate last night with me with some light candles and no clothing on. My question is after we talked and she said she wants to try new things but then when we are intimate she is always very quiet and just kind of lays there. I don’t want to insult her and tell her sometimes I am bored. I have told her I would like to try new things also but we never do. I don’t want to push her too far since we were able to get undressed together last night.
 

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It doesn't sound (from all of your threads) like she is ever going to be someone who does anything other than kind of laying there passively. This is probably how she is.

Did you have sex with others before marriage? What was that like?
 

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My wife was able to be intimate last night with me with some light candles and no clothing on. My question is after we talked and she said she wants to try new things but then when we are intimate she is always very quiet and just kind of lays there. I don’t want to insult her and tell her sometimes I am bored. I have told her I would like to try new things also but we never do. I don’t want to push her too far since we were able to get undressed together last night.
Sounds to me like you're making progress. Just stay on it and be (somewhat) patient. Any progress is good. No progress is bad.
 

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You don't unless you want Rosy to be your best friend for the rest of your marriage.
I have told her I would like to try new things also but we never do
Why is this automatically her fault?

Look, you married a woman who is not very sexually experienced and suddenly you want her to try this, wear that, act like this and so on. Maybe, you're the one who's got no game.
 

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My wife was able to be intimate last night with me with some light candles and no clothing on. My question is after we talked and she said she wants to try new things but then when we are intimate she is always very quiet and just kind of lays there. I don’t want to insult her and tell her sometimes I am bored. I have told her I would like to try new things also but we never do. I don’t want to push her too far since we were able to get undressed together last night.
You need to see that encounter as a HUGE success, and be very excited that you got what you told her you wanted with that. If you start pressuring her for "something else", or give her the idea that her getting out of her comfort zone for you wasn't good enough, she will start to think she can never please you and shut down. Then you will never get what you want.

It looks like you may have a rare treasure there - a partner who is actually willing to engage with you about what you want sexually and meet your needs -- don't ruin it by constantly needing "MORE"...take BABY STEPS. Let her get comfortable with having her clothes off, and then she will (hopefully) feel more excited about trying other things you want.

And never ever use the words "I am bored" with your partner, unless you want your sex life to disappear.
 

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You don't unless you want Rosy to be your best friend for the rest of your marriage.

Why is this automatically her fault?

Look, you married a woman who is not very sexually experienced and suddenly you want her to try this, wear that, act like this and so on. Maybe, you're the one who's got no game.
He doesn't. OP, you should take a step back and objectively see yourself.

Your wife is at least working with you which speaks volumes about her quality.

You seem very frustrated and unsatisfied despite her expanding her horizons with you.

I can't remember but are you her first partner? Is she yours?

What are you comparing her to?

I borderline want to give you some "tough love" in the ring for your attitude.

I'm really trying to phrase this right because it can easily be misconstrued but you need to stop putting so much if this on her and accept that you are just as much part of this dynamic as she is.

If you want more you need to be more. I have some experience and people are different.

Some are very naturally aggressive, playful, confident, etc. while others struggle with everything and are shy.

Your wife seems inexperienced and shy with low sexual confidence and you definitely lack confidence and aggressiveness.

You really need to appreciate the moment when you're in sex with your wife and stop the bizarre frustration going on inside your head so you two can enjoy and you will get better the more you are together.

I'm not trying to be a jerk (though I probably can't help it) but can you get out of your head for a moment and consider that a big part of the "boring" sex is you?

I've been with less confident, less experienced and shy ladies. We still had a good time because I was part of the equation and I brought confidence, playfulness and good sexual aggression to the table.

Focus a lot more on what you are bringing and quit putting so much of the responsibility on your wife.

A different man would have her reduced to a toe curled, protoplasmic mess that was so caught up in erotic passion she wouldn't have time to be shy or insecure.

This is on you buddy.
 

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He doesn't. OP, you should take a step back and objectively see yourself.

Your wife is at least working with you which speaks volumes about her quality.

You seem very frustrated and unsatisfied despite her expanding her horizons with you.

I can't remember but are you her first partner? Is she yours?

What are you comparing her to?

I borderline want to give you some "tough love" in the ring for your attitude.

I'm really trying to phrase this right because it can easily be misconstrued but you need to stop putting so much if this on her and accept that you are just as much part of this dynamic as she is.

If you want more you need to be more. I have some experience and people are different.

Some are very naturally aggressive, playful, confident, etc. while others struggle with everything and are shy.

Your wife seems inexperienced and shy with low sexual confidence and you definitely lack confidence and aggressiveness.

You really need to appreciate the moment when you're in sex with your wife and stop the bizarre frustration going on inside your head so you two can enjoy and you will get better the more you are together.

I'm not trying to be a jerk (though I probably can't help it) but can you get out of your head for a moment and consider that a big part of the "boring" sex is you?

I've been with less confident, less experienced and shy ladies. We still had a good time because I was part of the equation and I brought confidence, playfulness and good sexual aggression to the table.

Focus a lot more on what you are bringing and quit putting so much of the responsibility on your wife.

A different man would have her reduced to a toe curled, protoplasmic mess that was so caught up in erotic passion she wouldn't have time to be shy or insecure.

This is on you buddy.
I'm not so sure it's all on him. How many guys do we have posting here who (claim to be sexually experienced) who only get starfish sex from their wives?

Some women will never do anything but just passively lay there. Some women really don't want to be sexual beings.
 

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I'm not so sure it's all on him. How many guys do we have posting here who (claim to be sexually experienced) who only get starfish sex from their wives?

Some women will never do anything but just passively lay there. Some women really don't want to be sexual beings.
This woman is trying and the OP is so far at the other end of the erotic pendulum that he hasn't even heard of Casanova.

P.S. my worst sexual experience was with an aggressive woman that took the initiative.

Shyness and lack of confidence issues have never been a problem.
 

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How to tell partner they are bad in bed?!!
That is your title!

You've just progressed to naked by candlelight.
This seems to be progress in the right direction.
Why would you now want to tell them that they are bad in bed?!
Surely you praised her progress?

So, you both want to try new things.
But nothing happens.
Why don't they happen.
Because you don't want to push her.
What happens when you coax her or direct her during sex? Does she respond to your lead?
Do you lead?

Your wife isn't going to lead you towards the new experiences you talk about together.
Are any of these new sexual things you crave, based on her leading or taking charge in any way?

If step one was naked by candlelight
Step two might be massage by candlelight
Step three bathing together by candlelight.
Etc.
Baby steps as confidence is gained, hopefully.
 

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Here is kind of a fundamental question for you - Are YOU wanting to DO something? Or are you wanting HER to BE something?

Those are two completely different concepts.

The trouble here is both of you are very naive, very inhibited and both very PASSIVE and very afraid to upset, disappoint or make the other uncomfortable.

If you are wanting to DO something, you are spending too much time talking and not enough doing. She is very naive, inhibited and passive, so you really aren't going to get anywhere asking her what she wants. She will say she doesn't know and she wouldn't have the giblets to tell you even if she did.

Regardless of what the self help books and Oprah and Dr Phil say, you really aren't going to make any major breakthroughs in asking her if she would be willing to try this or that or the other while she is in a completely unaroused and nonstimulated state.

If you ask her if she'd like to try doing a Kentucky Jelly Squeezer sometime while she is scrubbing the mold out of the bathroom baseboards, she is going to say no or will just roll her eyes and shake her head and give a grunt in disgust that you are talking about Kentucky Jelly Squeezers while she is trying to stop the mold in the bathroom.

You have to learn and develop an art of seduction and arousal and stimulation and guide her actions through your own actions in the moment.

In other words you need to be holding each other, touching each other, kissing, making out, expressing your love, desire and appreciation and growing her level of arousal and receptivity and then slowly and incrementally working your way into doing the Kentucky Jelly Squeezer.

If during that slow build up and progress to the KJS she shows receptivity and enjoyment to it, you keep making slow increments towards that. If she starts squirming away, showing resistance or says to stop - then stop and shift towards something else.

But the bottom line here is you need to lead and guide and see if she follows.

She's very naive, passive and inhibited, she is not going to take over and lead. That is simply not in her nomenclature and probably never will be.

to be continued......
 

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She's very naive, passive and inhibited, she is not going to take over and lead. That is simply not in her nomenclature and probably never will be.

to be continued......
Now on the other hand, if you are wanting HER to BE something else - now we've got big problems.
You're not going to be able to transform her into a wild, uninhibited, sexually aggressive, Swedish Porn Star. At least not for a long, long time.

You HAVE made progress. But to go from uptight, inhibited, passive catholic girl to Swedish Porn Star is a HHYYYUUUGGE spread. You can't get a bulldog and expect to bring home the winner's cup from the dog races.

She is trying. More importantly she is willing to try. She has made progress.

But you need to be realistic here.

Me suspects that you were a very timid, passive, sexually inexperienced "Nice Guy" that is very concerned with making anyone uncomfortable but since you had concerns with your own sexual confidence and abilities, you sought out a girl that was more inexperienced, naive, inhibited and passive than you to protect your ego and assuage your fear of her dumping you for sexual inexperience..... and you thought you could obtain said girl and then try to get her to turn into the Swedish Porn Star.

Can she change and become less inhibited and passive over time? Yeah sure, and she HAS made progress. But you can't plant a tree seed in the spring and expect it to shade your whole house from the summer sun that summer. It just doesn't work that way.

So to wrap this together, if YOU are wanting to DO things sexually with her, you need to bump up your game and roll up your sleeves and take a big breath and come up with more seduction and arousal and initiative and assertiveness on your end and see if she goes for it....it sounds like she is at least conceptually game for trying some different things and that is a GOOD sign.

But, if you are wanting HER to BE something different,,,, that's a whole different ballgame. At best, she may become a little less inhibited and show a little more initiate over a long period of time. At worst, you simply married the wrong person and are barking up the wrong tree.

And if you even hint or imply that she is "bad in bed" She will snap back into her shell and clamp up like a box turtle and you will never see or touch her naked again.
 

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@oldshirt you may have something with the KJS.. and it all started here 😃

OP I think you have made great progress so far and need to look at her even doing what she did as a huge step in the right direction. IMHO I think you should praise her instead of saying that she was 'bad.' Which is how she will take it. I think the real key here is to make her feel very comfortable and safe with you. A woman who hides in the dark for sex and doesn't do much needs the reassurance, A LOT OF IT to get to the place you want her to be. Make her feel that you see her as perfect, beautiful and enough... say it a lot. Do not just make it about the sex...make it instead about how much admire her.. how she is the perfect "her" in your eyes.. and 'in the moment' how much you like what she is doing. Encouragement in this case will get you far. Good luck
 
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