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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This is going to be an odd post and I wouldn't be asking if I could find ANYTHING about it online. How do you talk to people?? I am just socially retarded or something. I can't start a conversation, nor can I keep one going with people. I'm talking about strangers, friends, my husband, my daughter... how do you talk to people?? What do you say, how do you keep the conversatoin going, etc.

I really want to have a great relationship with my daughter and husband, but I just don't know what to say to her (she's 11 and high time I have deep conversations with her, but we sit at the table as I stumble for things to say and they never go beyond one word answers!), and he and I don't talk much, either (we've been married almost 9 years and together for 13). I have problems with my friends b/c I'm apparently a wonderful listener, but don't ever offer up any conversation.

If anyone can offer up some excellent DETAILED tips on talking, I'd sure appreciate it!!! :whistle:
 

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SO far on the forums you are doing great!

Here is the real deal, in high school I was the most popular person, why? Because I got along and talked to more people. It all has to start with confidence in yourself.

As far as conversations look for things that will spark a real conversation.

Y:" How was school today?"
D:" Fine."
Y:" Really what made it fine? "
D:" Nothing. "
Y:" SO did you do a whole lot of nothing? "
D:" Are you okay, mom? "
Y:" Of course I am, I just never really ask you about school or how you are doing anymore and I wanted you to know I love you and care for you. "
D:" I know. "
Y:" SO what happened in school and I know more then nothing happened. "

ALways give the person a way to talk. Most people like to talk about themselves or their life. Always leave yourself a way to widen the conversation with more questions or with things you can relate to or lend empathy.

draconis
 

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Try using what are called Open Questions. They are questions that it's difficult to answer with a short answer like yes, no or fine, so the person has to elaborate a little. So, rather than saying 'How was school?', to which your daughter could just say 'Fine', you could ask her 'What did you do at school today?'. OK, she could just say 'Nothing' (kids!) but you have opened the lines of communication. It works far better with adults, as you're less likely to get hit with that grunt or 'nothing' answer!
 

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Many times, it's not what you say that people remember, but what they say and how you make them feel. A good conversationalist is actually a good listener....

I just ordered a book that I'm very excited about in search of ways to improve communication with my son, who needs some help with his self-esteem. I figure I'm part of the problem, so I need to be part of the solution. From reading the reviews, if you apply the principals to all your relationships, they all improve!

Now...let me find the book....LOL....here it is....

"How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk"
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Perhaps it's a comfort thing for me... I had to go to a baby shower this weekend and the only person I knew there was the mom to be who of course didn't get there until I was there "alone" with these people for a while. But they were so kind and so open and so talkative that I just talked right along with them, to a point, but moreso than what I'm questioning. So maybe the question needs to be how I gain confidence and comfort around people I don't know, or people I do know who I am not comfortable around??
 

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One thing I noticed over time in my own faled marriage is that people run out of things to talk about. It's not that they don't want to talk but think about it. If your relationship is like most you both go to work. then come home and eat, do chores, watch tv and go to bed. This becomes a daily habbit.

Now think about it this way. what if you both had hobbies that the other was not involved in. Maybe 2 or 3 times a week you each take turns going out with your own friends and doing what ever hobbie you have. Now you have something to talk about. You can ask him how what ever went that night. He can ask what you did. You both can laugh with each other over funny stories.

Togetherness is a great thing but I do think people need time away from each other to be there own person. Life gets into a rut when you know what your spouce is going to say before you even ask the question.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
My husband is a truck driver, and his schedule is all sorts of messed up... we don't have a schedule and can't plan a thing b/c he learns of his next dispatch at 9:30 in the AM for the following day, starting at midnight. It's tough. But we're making it work, and he often talks about stuff he sees on the road (like the lot lizard that tried to pick him up the other week). I used to work in a grocery store and am now driving a school van. I went from drama central to talking about Littlest Pet Shop, so I think that is taking a major toll on our relationship with not so much drama and no adult conversation to talk about. But things are going to change b/c I'm about to go to school for nursing... I'm sure there will be plenty to talk about then again.

It just seems I don't know how to talk. If I have a conversational partner who is talking with me, I can talk, but when I get around other people like me who don't say much, we stand around staring at the ground shuffling our feet. I just wish I could come up with SOMEthing to say.

Thanks you guys for your input. =)
 

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My husband is a truck driver, and his schedule is all sorts of messed up... we don't have a schedule and can't plan a thing b/c he learns of his next dispatch at 9:30 in the AM for the following day, starting at midnight. It's tough. But we're making it work, and he often talks about stuff he sees on the road (like the lot lizard that tried to pick him up the other week). I used to work in a grocery store and am now driving a school van. I went from drama central to talking about Littlest Pet Shop, so I think that is taking a major toll on our relationship with not so much drama and no adult conversation to talk about. But things are going to change b/c I'm about to go to school for nursing... I'm sure there will be plenty to talk about then again.

It just seems I don't know how to talk. If I have a conversational partner who is talking with me, I can talk, but when I get around other people like me who don't say much, we stand around staring at the ground shuffling our feet. I just wish I could come up with SOMEthing to say.

Thanks you guys for your input. =)
Going to school for nursing (GREAT) get many study partners!!!!!!!!!!!!

draconis
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
LOL, I'll do that. Thanks D for the help. I just want to add this little footnote... not that it's entirely related, but b/c I'm so overjoyed with it. This morning I had breakfast with Kim. Meeting with Hal at noon time. This afternoon Andy is coming for a visit. Had a call from Jill for lunch today (going to do it next Friday b/c I'm booked today). Breakfast with Christine tomorrow. And got an email from Christina to get together one day next week. I am so blessed to have friends that want to be around me!! When I was 18 I used to cry my eyes out b/c I had no friends, no one to talk to, no one to call up and hang out with. If I only knew then what I know now.

So maybe I'm not such a bad talker after all, maybe I'm just extremely self consious about it. But looking for ways to improve it is always a good thing. Thanks everyone!! =)
 
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