[RandomDude]

As some of you well know, I'm a HD person (though technically LD compared to my wife), my wife is errr... ID... INSANE DRIVE. Thankfully we're doing MC now, but it seems that some others also have our problems - the man being not interested when sex comes too easy or becomes expected etc etc...

First of all, PLEASE get it out of your head that men are walking hardons! We aren't! Many of us have our own set of buttons that have to be pushed just like you ladies! We are human beings too!

Second, you have to understand that it's not rejection so please don't take it like that. There are times when I come home and I'm horny as hell but when there's no tease, no romance, no fun with my wife expecting sex... I get soft straight away and by that time I end up deciding to do other sh-t.

She keeps herself looking great, works out, knows how to dress, how to walk, how to move, and damn I LOVE her body, especially her smooth long legs that gets me everytime she teases me with them. BUT... you can be just like my wife but all that can and WILL be wasted if you accidently hit the "turn off" button. We don't want that, you don't want that, so please learn!

Now, we'll get to the fun part; how to initiate with your man without turning him off. You can't initiate with a man like how a man initiates with a woman. A bit of aggressiveness is fine during sex but prior to that, many men aren't turned on that way.
Sometimes you get lucky, and there are men out there who LOVE to be taken by an aggressive woman, but for others... NOPE!

What do we want? We want the TEASE, the ROMANCE, the ANTICIPATION, the CHALLENGE. Many men are not seduced by aggressiveness, but are seduced by your charm, feminine wiles, and how you move, how you pose, what you show him and what you don't show him - the tease.

Sexy flirting at times is all you need, other times you need to be creative and do something extravagant. My wife used to be really good at it too, she comes out of the shower and even though I see her body everyday sometimes she still tries and hides the view with her towel, changes with her back turned to me knowing I'm watching, letting me see her smooth back but nothing else, of course my willy will be telling me "DAMN IT! TAKE HER NOW!!!", or hell one of her best teases...

Years ago... I came home, she wore nothing but a long T-shirt, nothing underneath and was cooking dinner. I could not resist lifting up her shirt, but she resisted, told me to calm down as she's trying to cook so ok... then she sat down on our glass table, with her legs crossed, and while we were having dinner, she kept crossing her freakin legs over giving me split second glimpses of her down there. I lost my fking head and couldn't take it anymore, I pulled her out of her chair, threw her on my shoulder and carried her upstairs with her playfully telling me no! And saying the food is going to get cold! :rofl: TOO LATE! Was really wild passionate sex which she really enjoyed - and of course she deserved it, it was a great tease!

Playing hard to get is not about simply just withdrawing. It's about giving them something, then taking it back, giving a little more, then taking it back. Like sticking a rabbit on a pole and having the greyhound run around the course for it - same principle. And yes it can be HARD to say no when you want it so much but you have to be confident in your ability to turn him on to the point he REALLY needs to get off - that way even when you say no you KNOW you're going to get it anyway!

And sometimes you don't even need all this, sometimes when we're watching a movie together on our bed late at night she fondles me, plays with me down there, just tells me she wants to touch it, loves the look of it - those are really TURN ON words. But not expecting sex, just to play... yet this "play" turns me on enough I end up HAVING to fk her brains out. I also love to tease my wife, and she used to be so good at it too with me... *sighs*

Please don't make the same mistakes as my wife, or many men in married life. Romance and seduction does NOT end in marriage, and it should never end.

 

[kipani]

Haha. Thanks for this. Explains some things.

 

[needguidance]

I agree with everything you mentioned. I think some women forget that men are visual creatures. Thats why strip clubs and anything involving women in skimpy clothing is lucrative (modeling, bikini magazines, etc.) I myself love lingerie. Granted my wife isnt into that much these days. I think somewhere between her having self esteem issues and gaining some weight, shes feels theres nothing she can wear that would make her feel sexy or comfortable. Thats one thing that got me about a few ex's, I'd buy lingerie all the time just to see them in it.

My favorite thing I heard from a comedian is when do random things in a sexual manner. My wife has done some crazy things too that I found amusing but at the same time theyre a huge turn on. Sometimes I would watch a sports game on TV and she would get by the TV, pull one or both breast out and start licking them. Sometimes she would get close enough to my face and start smashing her bare butt on my face. My favorite is when I'd read one my magazines and she would come up rubbing her nipple on my face, I'd pay it no mind like I had resistance lol. Then she would grab my head and try to force it in my mouth. Sometimes Id laugh and stick my tongue out but 100% of the time it would end up with us in the bedroom. Teasing is great but make sure its lengthy. I dont like too much teasing because then you will just piss me off. Its like the dog whos trying to eat and you keeping pull his bowl from him. He will still go for the food but eventually bite you so he can get to the food.

 

[anotherguy]

laugh. Good post.

but yeah.. some men *are* walking hardons. The wife can get me going just with a wink. Sadly perhaps. Maybe we should come with labels like when you buy a new shirt.

 

[SadSamIAm]

My wife doesn't have to tease at all. All it takes is for her moving her foot to my side of the bed and touching my leg, and not moving it.

She has me conditioned this way which is part of the problem. If she shows any affection at all, it means she wants sex. She tells me she doesn't like this. I don't like it either. It is a difficult cycle to break. If she showed affection every day, then the problem would be solved (after having sex every day for a few days . But she just isn't an affectionate person.

 

[Kari]

RandomDude, thank you for trying to help us but I don't think you understand LD men because you aren't one. I could do the things you describe every day and wouldn't spark an interest with my LD H. I can flirt, put on sexy lingerie, etc.. and I get no response, he just feels uncomfortable and pressured. Walking around in a towel or just a T-shirt or even my sexy clothes doesn't spark any interest or attention.

The idea of doing a sexy pose in front of an LD husband seems like a quick way for a wife to feel humiliated. An LD husband isn't going to smile at that or start feeling aroused.

As for 'giving something and taking it back', it ends up more like trying to tease my H by putting out and taking back a plate of spinach when he isn't hungry, and is not tempted by spinach.

My H has even told me he doesn't like me to flirt with him except at bedtime (but I'm supposed to magically know on which nights when the certain planets are aligned). Half the time I try to flirt in bed, it is an epic fail. And he doesn't like 'romance' - even hearing the word makes him uncomfortable.

I'm in a bad mood because of what he did on our anniversary a few days ago. I tried to make it romantic and it went over like a lead balloon. He had actually made plans with other people that night too. He wasn't trying to be mean, he just was treating the day like any other. On some of our anniversaries, I've gotten only a peck of a kiss and I never get a card and never get taken out to dinner or anything. I know he loves me (as a good friend) but he just doesn't think in terms of romance, celebrating your relationship, or having alone time together.

 

[anotherguy]

My wife doesn't have to tease at all. All it takes is for her moving her foot to my side of the bed and touching my leg, and not moving it.

LAUGH! :lol: :rofl:

This is *exactly* what my wife does. Exactly. Funny thing is, it works very time. I guess Im just like Pavlovs dog.


Unless we are sleeping like spoons. Then she just flexes her butt cheeks once or twice. This, I have found through close examination and clinical trials - is even more effective - or at least produce a more rapid response. I'm a total sucker for this move - and I can amost feel her smiling at my obvious and instant physical reaction.

 

[anotherguy]

RandomDude, thank you for trying to help us but I don't think you understand LD men because you aren't one. I could do the things you describe every day and wouldn't spark an interest with my LD H. I can flirt, put on sexy lingerie, etc.. and I get no response, he just feels uncomfortable and pressured. Walking around in a towel or just a T-shirt or even my sexy clothes doesn't spark any interest or attention.

The idea of doing a sexy pose in front of an LD husband seems like a quick way for a wife to feel humiliated. An LD husband isn't going to smile at that or start feeling aroused.

As for 'giving something and taking it back', it ends up more like trying to tease my H by putting out and taking back a plate of spinach when he isn't hungry, and is not tempted by spinach.

My H has even told me he doesn't like me to flirt with him except at bedtime (but I'm supposed to magically know on which nights when the certain planets are aligned). Half the time I try to flirt in bed, it is an epic fail. And he doesn't like 'romance' - even hearing the word makes him uncomfortable.

I'm in a bad mood because of what he did on our anniversary a few days ago. I tried to make it romantic and it went over like a lead balloon. He had actually made plans with other people that night too. He wasn't trying to be mean, he just was treating the day like any other. On some of our anniversaries, I've gotten only a peck of a kiss and I never get a card and never get taken out to dinner or anything. I know he loves me (as a good friend) but he just doesn't think in terms of romance, celebrating your relationship, or having alone time together.

Ugh. That is awful. Its one thing to be a little tone deaf - its another thing to be completely deaf!

Honest - Im not sure what to suggest. Nothing gets him going...ever?

dressy things? movies? Food? drinks for goodness sake? You naked on the bed after a hot shower? anything?

Something has got to rattle his chain.

 

[Kari]

Ugh. That is awful. Its one thing to be a little tone deaf - its another thing to be completely deaf!

Honest - Im not sure what to suggest. Nothing gets him going...ever?

dressy things? movies? Food? drinks for goodness sake? You naked on the bed after a hot shower? anything?

Something has got to rattle his chain.

Kissing and hugging can get him going if it's been more than a week or two. But he doesn't want me to overtly flirt in a way where he feels obligated to have sex, e.g. he wouldn't want me to surprise him by wearing lingerie. See, he has no 'out' in that case, he feels trapped (so he pretends not to notice).

I often sleep naked (that alone doesn't do it), but I can't imagine just lying there naked in a sexy 'come hither' pose when he walked in the room. That would make him feel trapped just like the lingerie.

He's asked me not to flirt except at bedtime and he prefers me to flirt by doing things that he can choose to ignore or not depending on his mood, like my spooning him or caressing him. It sucks that I'm usually the spooner and not the spoonee (no 'jabs' for me).

Most of my sexy outfits bought over the years still have the tags on them. I love the idea of dressing sexy for him but it seems pointless because even when he wants sex, he doesn't usually comment if I wear something sexy.

 

[anotherguy]

wow. He sounds even more uptight than I am. I say that not to be critical, but because it surprises me.

I mean - my wife occasionally (rarely) will dress up and dance around for me, which frankly - though I love it, makes me uncomfortable like Im blushing - its so far out of our normal behavior. (I admire her courage, frankly) We are perfectly capable off ripping each others clothes off and having at it (and do), but the performance art is a different animal it seems to me.

Do you think he feels like he needs an 'out' or is sex just something you do not do with the lights on... if you know what I mean. Is he a trapped animal or is he embarassed, or does it matter?

I have to believe that there has got to be something where you can start small and hopefully build on it.

 

[diwali123]

Sorry but you don't sound LD. If you were there would be many times where no matter what she did you weren't in the mood.
We are in counseling for drive differences and I'm to the point where I couldn't do those thumgs because I have been rejected so many times.
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[Runs like Dog]

Touch Touch Touch Touch Touch Strokes Strokes Caress Caress Touch Strokes........


Are you getting the picture?

 

[RandomDude]

Kissing and hugging can get him going if it's been more than a week or two. But he doesn't want me to overtly flirt in a way where he feels obligated to have sex, e.g. he wouldn't want me to surprise him by wearing lingerie. See, he has no 'out' in that case, he feels trapped (so he pretends not to notice).

I often sleep naked (that alone doesn't do it), but I can't imagine just lying there naked in a sexy 'come hither' pose when he walked in the room. That would make him feel trapped just like the lingerie.

He's asked me not to flirt except at bedtime and he prefers me to flirt by doing things that he can choose to ignore or not depending on his mood, like my spooning him or caressing him. It sucks that I'm usually the spooner and not the spoonee (no 'jabs' for me).

Most of my sexy outfits bought over the years still have the tags on them. I love the idea of dressing sexy for him but it seems pointless because even when he wants sex, he doesn't usually comment if I wear something sexy.

I was about to mention that your teases shouldn't always be obvious, like when my wife wears nothing but a T-shirt it's not lingerie but it's sexy as hell and she can deny trying to turn me on which makes it more fun!

But then I read that... =/
He's pushing you away from even any romance or intimacy, that's kinda lame.

There are threads where I see the women are simply too aggressive which inspired me to make this thread. But it seems in many cases, it's not the woman's fault at all.

 

[Kari]

wow. He sounds even more uptight than I am. I say that not to be critical, but because it surprises me.

Do you think he feels like he needs an 'out' or is sex just something you do not do with the lights on... if you know what I mean. Is he a trapped animal or is he embarassed, or does it matter?

I have to believe that there has got to be something where you can start small and hopefully build on it.

Yes he's uptight in some ways. He is not embarrassed about sex or being naked, he's not religious or straight laced and doesn't have hang ups. His hot button is feeling pressured in any way. He also has his routine which he doesn't like to vary, and sex goes with bed and nighttime and usually darkness. If we have sex in the day (rare) he closes his eyes. He doesn't like surprises. Too much intimacy makes him want to flee.

Thankfully he's not a prude, and is willing to do oral and occasional anal. I wouldn't have married a prude.

He likes sex a lot once it has started. He just doesn't have a high libido, I have to start kissing him or touching him to get him aroused. So I work with that, just touch. But I have to give him several days to recover. He will initiate too, but sometimes 2 weeks will go by and he doesn't make a move, it is not a high priority.

I'd like to do a striptease someday but it'd have to be after I was gone on a trip for a couple weeks so I could count on able able to arouse him. It would probably be too weird for him though. He wouldn't get hard just watching me though until I actually touched him.

So no, he's not embarrassed, but it's just not how old married folks should act (in his mind), we aren't 20 anymore. It's partly low testosterone I think, and partly his rigid routine. In spite of having a routine for everything else, he won't agree to scheduled sex nights (that wouldn't be spontaneous!)

It's hard to think of how to tease him. I'm thinking of maybe stopping in the middle of a BJ and running away and telling him to chase me and somehow drag or carry me back to bed (and I'd pretend to resist). Do you think that would be a good idea (I'm afraid 'it' might 'flop' if you know what I mean)? Many of my attempts to spice things up have crashed and burned but I've never tried anything like that. I asked him to ravish me and he's tried but it ends up being a kinder gentler kind of ravishment, the caveman role isn't natural for him.

 

[RandomDude]

Well, I don't like scheduled sex either but that's just me... I'm nearing my 30s and my wife is 3 yrs older so... our problems and the solutions I can offer is pretty much a hit and miss, I hope I've helped but I guess in some cases it's beyond my expertise

Well at least you know that he would like it at least 2x a month. Personally that would be ideal for me actually too, 3-4x a week is nice but I enjoy the anticipation and the tease more than the sex itself - but that's just me.

 

[diwali123]

ot embarrassed about sex or being naked, he's not religious or straight laced and doesn't have hang ups. His hot button is feeling pressured in any way

Exactly. We have MC tomorrow. Thumgs have been improving but I feel like I still have to hold back so I don't come off as being aggressive or demanding. I'm not sure that's a good thing. I feel like my desire is waning, I'm not sure why.
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[MrHappyHat]

He also has his routine which he doesn't like to vary, and sex goes with bed and nighttime and usually darkness. If we have sex in the day (rare) he closes his eyes. He doesn't like surprises. Too much intimacy makes him want to flee.

Hrm, maybe your husband is on the autism spectrum?

 

[Memento]

How about if you tried to seduce your husband/wife, and he/she looks at you like "what are you doing?"

I am not romantic anymore and I miss it. I miss the excitement and the waiting!

Nowadays, I just cut to the chase and he tells me "I don't like to be handled that way"... I guess men really don't like aggressive women.

 

[Risc]

laugh. Good post.

but yeah.. some men *are* walking hardons. The wife can get me going just with a wink. Sadly perhaps. Maybe we should come with labels like when you buy a new shirt.

Ahh .. Yea Walking Hardon here

Turn on for me is when the women just show up... hehe

 

[donny64]

Touch Touch Touch Touch Touch Strokes Strokes Caress Caress Touch Strokes........


Are you getting the picture?

This. It will not fail, at least with me. Perfect example this weekend. I have been feeling "off". Just different things. Sex wasn't on my mind at all really. Kind of a sour mood. Nothing to do with her really, or much of anything else. Just a bunch of life annoyances adding up. And "horny" did not exist for me this last week or so.

In the car on the way back from dinner last night, and she starts stroking my arm. Moves to my leg. Then to my groin. Nature WILL usually take over at that point. Within minutes I was driving down the freeway, getting an awesome bj that took not but a few minutes!

Really revved me up. Got home, and couldn't keep my hands off of her.

She knows how to straighten my azz out if I start faltering!
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