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Next time call the floor station ahead of time and ask if he has visitors. You don't want any spectators hanging around anyway. If it would have be me, I'd told her for an old *****, she has a nice ass. (even if it wasn't true)
BTW, never listen to what someone tells you about how someone else feels. At best youre hearing their perspective. Check it out for yourself.
 

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@Broken at 20, I don’t know your backstory, as I wasn’t around back then, but am so sorry for all that you’re going through. I’m with @VladDracul, next time, call the floor reception ahead of time to see if he has visitors. Much luck to you with your visit, and please keep us in touch here.
 

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Discussion Starter #23
Wish I had better news.

I followed the forums advice (for once)! To a certain degree?
Dad had no visitors at the time.

So I went to meet him.

And I got to the door of his room.

Wish I had better news than that. A better ending. But I don't. I probably stared at that damn door for 5 minutes. Or hell, maybe it was an hour. Who knows anymore.
Why is this so damn hard!? Why am I so damn weak!?

In that stupid ghetto football I play, I willingly face guys with 100lbs. on me (dive for the legs!) Yet this scares me. Hooray for irony.


So to make a long story short, my half-sister found me (for those that don't know, she is probably the only person that I am, in anyway related to, that doesn't hate me). Standing outside the door. Looking like an idiot.
She, half-literally, dragged me to the food court for a talk.

We had a...semi-long, unpleasant dinner. Her getting mad at me.
Some people may criticize me for abandoning her.

My opinion is: if she maintained contact with me, she might've become the next black sheep of the family. And I didn't want that. And I couldn't handle the truth. How does one stare at their sister, and think, "I'm only half-related to you. Assuming our mother wasn't as big a sl!t as...uh...someone else?" It just made it hard. I didn't want to tell her.
If she willingly, and stupidly, knowing what happened to me, followed me into the abyss, that's her fault. Granted, no idea what her situation is, so I don't care.

Why is it so dam hard to see a man in the hospital who you're not related to!?
And yes, I drank some tonight. A friend died this week, my half-sister yelled at me, and my step mom called me a [email protected]@rd spawn, so bite me. Oh, and my team is in the Superbowl. So take that.
 

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Wish I had better news.

I followed the forums advice (for once)! To a certain degree?
Dad had no visitors at the time.

So I went to meet him.

And I got to the door of his room.

Wish I had better news than that. A better ending. But I don't. I probably stared at that damn door for 5 minutes. Or hell, maybe it was an hour. Who knows anymore.
Why is this so damn hard!? Why am I so damn weak!?

In that stupid ghetto football I play, I willingly face guys with 100lbs. on me (dive for the legs!) Yet this scares me. Hooray for irony.


So to make a long story short, my half-sister found me (for those that don't know, she is probably the only person that I am, in anyway related to, that doesn't hate me). Standing outside the door. Looking like an idiot.
She, half-literally, dragged me to the food court for a talk.

We had a...semi-long, unpleasant dinner. Her getting mad at me.
Some people may criticize me for abandoning her.

My opinion is: if she maintained contact with me, she might've become the next black sheep of the family. And I didn't want that. And I couldn't handle the truth. How does one stare at their sister, and think, "I'm only half-related to you. Assuming our mother wasn't as big a sl!t as...uh...someone else?" It just made it hard. I didn't want to tell her.
If she willingly, and stupidly, knowing what happened to me, followed me into the abyss, that's her fault. Granted, no idea what her situation is, so I don't care.

Why is it so dam hard to see a man in the hospital who you're not related to!?
And yes, I drank some tonight. A friend died this week, my half-sister yelled at me, and my step mom called me a [email protected]@rd spawn, so bite me. Oh, and my team is in the Superbowl. So take that.
You did to her what your dad did to you. You know how that feels. Of course people are going to criticize you for it. All that bull **** "justification" you spewed about "protecting her" is just you trying to make yourself feel better for treating her just as badly as your dad treated you. Grow the **** up and fix your relationship with her.
 

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It takes more than sperm to make a father a Dad. Some fathers never get the hang of it.

In your heart, he has always been your Dad and always will be. Go see him - for you if not for him. Tell him that you just wanted to check on your Dad and you'll leave if you're making him uncomfortable. Tell him that he may not want to recognize you as his son; but, he'll always be your Dad. Keep your expectations low as the purpose of your going is to set your mind at ease - not to rekindle the relationship. That would be great if it happened - just don't pin any hopes on it.

Lose the 'black sheep' descriptor. It isn't a badge of honor. It isn't anything. Good luck.

eta: Why is this thread in the infidelity forum?
 

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Given the saga of your life with your father and the rest of your family, I would agree with @MattMatt.

Send him a card. Go on with your life. Stay away from the booze.

Your story - which I remember well - allows for little else, in my opinion.
 

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I’ll admit I don’t know your full story but your “dad” is very toxic to you it sounds like. I cut my own bio dad out of my life for being a toxic and verbally abusive person who destroyed my mental health at times. Personally I would work on doing that. I’d fix the relationship with half sister but “dad” is a lost cause in my opinion, and you don’t seem like you are able to handle the potential rejection again. Maybe write him a letter and say your peace in it, have it delivered to him. But I think if you go there without his blessing ahead of time he will reject you again and it will hurt, a lot. I am sure OW told him she saw you... if he wanted to see you he would have probably found a way to reach out by now. It isn’t worth your mental health or destroying any healing you’ve done to overcome your previous experiences. So many people think it’s good to face your abuser as an adult because they watch too much TV, but it can cause you a lot of pain. You’ve already drank alcohol again... he’s not worth it.
 

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do not let people stop you from seeing your dad.

is it correct to assume your mom cheated on your/this dad and this is why you are
an OC from the OM?

for closure you should find out who the bio dad/OM is and find out when and how
your stepdad found out you were not his bio child.
 

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Sounds to me that this man has made his feelings perfectly clear. He wants nothing to do with you. You already know that, hence your inability to walk in the room. You're trying to protect your fantasy that he will embrace you. Anything can happen, but nothing you have written here indicates that is even a remote possibility. Few have the great deathbed epiphany that you see in the movies.

I'd suggest you let it go. He made his choice. Don't put yourself in a position to be devastated again and go back to the bottle. The fact that he could completely cut you from his life after nearly 20 years as your dad says an awful lot about his character and none of it is good. You said goodbye the day he told you to forget him. Leave it there.

Perhaps you could put this effort into fixing the relationship with your half-sister. At least she seems to be willing to talk to you.
 

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You seem like a good guy.

The circumstances you are experiencing are out of your control. You didn’t cause this but you are going to have to deal with it. Not sure there is much you can do here.

Don’t let this define who you are. You are better than the circumstances surrounding your family.

Closure comes from within. Do the best you can then find a way to move forward.
 

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Or am I just grasping at straws at this point?
Yes, you are grasping at straws. I am sorry that this horrid thing has happened in your life where the man who was your father and raised you has clearly and completely rejected you from his life. But he's not rejecting your for anything that is about you as a person. It is that he thought you were one thing ( a result of the union between him and his wife) and turned out not to be what he thought. Instead he found out that his wife had betrayed him and you were the result of that betrayal. You had no part in that whatsoever. Your mother is responsible for the deceit. Your father (and yes, he is the man who you called Dad and who raised you) cannot handle the evil that was done to him, so he has rejected you along with the evil. This is very deep and has nothing to do with you as a person. It is internal to him. You showing up remind him of what was done to him.

Truly, I think the problem here is that your parents do not have good character. They are not loving people. If they were, you wouldn't be having these problems, because this situation is a result of people behaving badly and not loving others. You are seeking love from people who have none to give. No point in continuing to try to receive something that doesn't exist.
 

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Discussion Starter #33
Well I did go see dad. It went better than I feared, worse than I hoped. Was about a week ago.

It wasn't a lovey-dovey, Hallmark-movie, ending. It was probably whatever people on here expected.

We talked. Took a picture. It was a rather awkward conversation. Like, what do you talk about in this situation? But still, got to talk to him.

I asked him if there were any regrets. He said his main regret was how coldly he cut everything off. It was a swirl of emotions for both of us. I asked him if that he could, would he go back and change what he said? He said there is no point in wishing to change the past. Answered a lot of my questions like that.
I asked him if we could maintain contact. He said he didn't want to, or maybe wasn't ready for it yet. He was happy I came to see him, told me so, but that, he isn't ready for that. Maybe never will be. So....there's that. Good to know I guess.

Like I said, not everything I wanted, but I got something, so there is that.

So..guess that's the end of the story? Like, it's not going to change from there, is it?
 

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Well I did go see dad. It went better than I feared, worse than I hoped. Was about a week ago.

It wasn't a lovey-dovey, Hallmark-movie, ending. It was probably whatever people on here expected.

We talked. Took a picture. It was a rather awkward conversation. Like, what do you talk about in this situation? But still, got to talk to him.

I asked him if there were any regrets. He said his main regret was how coldly he cut everything off. It was a swirl of emotions for both of us. I asked him if that he could, would he go back and change what he said? He said there is no point in wishing to change the past. Answered a lot of my questions like that.
I asked him if we could maintain contact. He said he didn't want to, or maybe wasn't ready for it yet. He was happy I came to see him, told me so, but that, he isn't ready for that. Maybe never will be. So....there's that. Good to know I guess.

Like I said, not everything I wanted, but I got something, so there is that.

So..guess that's the end of the story? Like, it's not going to change from there, is it?
Maybe not. But you are the better man, the better person.
 

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Well I did go see dad. It went better than I feared, worse than I hoped. Was about a week ago.

It wasn't a lovey-dovey, Hallmark-movie, ending. It was probably whatever people on here expected.

We talked. Took a picture. It was a rather awkward conversation. Like, what do you talk about in this situation? But still, got to talk to him.

I asked him if there were any regrets. He said his main regret was how coldly he cut everything off. It was a swirl of emotions for both of us. I asked him if that he could, would he go back and change what he said? He said there is no point in wishing to change the past. Answered a lot of my questions like that.
I asked him if we could maintain contact. He said he didn't want to, or maybe wasn't ready for it yet. He was happy I came to see him, told me so, but that, he isn't ready for that. Maybe never will be. So....there's that. Good to know I guess.

Like I said, not everything I wanted, but I got something, so there is that.

So..guess that's the end of the story? Like, it's not going to change from there, is it?
Things might no change from here. But give it time, if he has time.

So sad and so unfair to you.

You did the right thing so know that in your heart.
 

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broken at 20

In back reading your story, I couldn't find that you had ever told your Mom about knowing that you weren't her husband's son.

Did I miss that or did you just not let her know that you knew?
 

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Discussion Starter #40
broken at 20

In back reading your story, I couldn't find that you had ever told your Mom about knowing that you weren't her husband's son.

Did I miss that or did you just not let her know that you knew?
I think I posted it somewhere, may have not been on those threads I linked to.

Anyway, yes, I told her. In a public setting...in a rather...confrontational way. So...that bridge has probably been burned.

I never told my siblings.


Haven't talked to mom for a long time. I can't remember last time honestly. I'm fine with it.
 
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