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I thought this article was very helpful and applicable both to real life as well as social media interactions. See if you recognize some of these tactics.

 

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I thought this article was very helpful and applicable both to real life as well as social media interactions. See if you recognize some of these tactics.

Put them in charge of the prisons as guard. Their incessant desire to be helpful will do more to rehabilitate people by reducing recidivism by making prisons unliveable.
 

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I thought this article was very helpful and applicable both to real life as well as social media interactions. See if you recognize some of these tactics.

Very good basic article, wish it went more in depth into dealing with manipulative people based on the nature of thwir relationship with you..or even a specific article on dealing with a spouse who is manipulative.
 

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Part of the fix for this, in my opinion, is to develop the ability to listen to your own feelings. The feelings will tell you when your boundaries are being invaded.

Yes, social media (including TAM) tends to amplify manipulation, but it also makes it easier to block such manipulators. It's harder in real life.

In responding to such a person, the key often is to keep responses as short as possible, and absolutely not to try to explain your position. You don't owe people explanations; you don't have to answer people's questions (to their satisfaction); you don't have to do what they ask.

(a) Can you give me a lift to the airport on Friday?
(b) Friday? No, sorry.
(a) Why not?
(b) I don't really want to go into that, but the answer's no.
 

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or even a specific article on dealing with a spouse who is manipulative.
I'm glancing at your screen name.

If it's a spouse, it's very difficult. The easiest way may be to get out. Otherwise, some kind of couple counselling with someone who knows how to tackle narcissism. I find that narcissists are often enough willing to come to counselling because they think it'll go their way.
 

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I'm glancing at your screen name.

If it's a spouse, it's very difficult. The easiest way may be to get out. Otherwise, some kind of couple counselling with someone who knows how to tackle narcissism. I find that narcissists are often enough willing to come to counselling because they think it'll go their way.
In your experience, does that attendance wane once they realize the counsellor/counselling ISN'T going their way?
 

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I thought this article was very helpful and applicable both to real life as well as social media interactions. See if you recognize some of these tactics.

From the article....

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If the author of the article had written ''the average human'' instead of ''skilled manipulators'', I'd be in 100% agreement.

The above description could apply to everyone, in various and fluid intensities.

The goal would be to identify it happening and toning it the down.

(having come to this conclusion about the article author's intentions, I now declare him worse than Satan and strip him of his humanity.....good luck in Gehenna, loser) ;)
 

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In your experience, does that attendance wane once they realize the counsellor/counselling ISN'T going their way?
Good question. It's a delicate dance. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. We have to find a way to point out the truth to them without appearing to blame them, because, they are indeed not to blame for their narcissism, in my opinion. They have to be challenged the way a good tennis coach would point out the errors in someone's game, without shaming them.
 

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Good question. It's a delicate dance. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. We have to find a way to point out the truth to them without appearing to blame them, because, they are indeed not to blame for their narcissism, in my opinion. They have to be challenged the way a good tennis coach would point out the errors in someone's game, without shaming them.
Bolded part......something to remember! Two of my siblings are burdened by this infliction (my amateur diagnosis), the best course forward, so far, is avoidance for peace of mind and contentment to flourish. I simply can't imagine being married to a narcissist.

Thx.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 · (Edited)
Part of the fix for this, in my opinion, is to develop the ability to listen to your own feelings. The feelings will tell you when your boundaries are being invaded.

Yes, social media (including TAM) tends to amplify manipulation, but it also makes it easier to block such manipulators. It's harder in real life.

In responding to such a person, the key often is to keep responses as short as possible, and absolutely not to try to explain your position. You don't owe people explanations; you don't have to answer people's questions (to their satisfaction); you don't have to do what they ask.

(a) Can you give me a lift to the airport on Friday?
(b) Friday? No, sorry.
(a) Why not?
(b) I don't really want to go into that, but the answer's no.
I think that's a very good advice, and I've definitely gone that direction in social media, including TAM with people who start telling you what to do just because they don't like your opinion.
 

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Manipulators, narcissists and the like aren't able to abuse and control everyone, only certain people.

When they find their "tricks" don't work on certain people, they move along to find others who their "tricks" do work on and they set up shop there, with those people.

Some people put up with that from folks and other's don't.

Sadly, so often, when folks do put up crap like this from others, there are usually many things involved like low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence, low self-worth etc.

People who are well adjusted, who have self-esteem, self-confidence, who know their worth don't put up with crap from others, be they narcissists, manipulators or not.

I get it, life is HARD and many folks are born into crappy situations and they are abused in many ways while growing up so of course they have self-confidence issues, low self-esteem etc.

I'm not preaching. I'm human and I was far from perfect when I was younger. I'm ashamed of many things I did. After decades like that, I finally decided to drag my butt to counseling to begin working on myself.

I had such a chip on my shoulder, I was too feisty, I pushed and pushed and pushed. Back then, I never thought that what I was doing was bad or wrong, I simply thought I was standing up for myself and not letting others walk all over me. Little did I know that I was walking all over others, even loved ones.

There is help out there, people have to recognize that they need it and then choose to go and get it.
 

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Oh, I can be quite patient for a dollar a minute.
Hey Doc, you're rates are quite low then!

$60 bucks an hour!

How about $4.166666 per minute instead? ($250 an hour)

If I remember correctly, you are a marriage counselor.

Thank you for what you do, it's appreciated.

I'm pro counseling and I've been many times, in the 80's, 90's, 2000's and 2010's (not yet in the 2020's and unless something happens, hopefully I'm done with counseling.).
 

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I'm glancing at your screen name.

If it's a spouse, it's very difficult. The easiest way may be to get out. Otherwise, some kind of couple counselling with someone who knows how to tackle narcissism. I find that narcissists are often enough willing to come to counselling because they think it'll go their way.
What do you think about addicts?

Does it seem they might be exhibiting narcissistic behavior?

It does to this barbarian though it might be difficult to differentiate between a naturally inclined individual and someone altered by the substance that rules their lives.

Is it the chicken and egg conundrum?

Are addicts more prone to narcissistic behavior or do addicts become more narcissistic because of their addiction?
 

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I have some members of my extended family with strong narcissistic traits (in an unbroken line from one side for generations). I’m a very generous person in general. If I want to help I say yes and if I don’t want to help I say no. No explanation if I can’t or won’t help — just no. One has been permanently cut out and one is very close to being cut out. The other two are manageable — for now. That could always change no matter how much I care about them since my generosity only goes so far.
 

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I have some members of my extended family with strong narcissistic traits (in an unbroken line from one side for generations). I’m a very generous person in general. If I want to help I say yes and if I don’t want to help I say no. No explanation if I can’t or won’t help — just no. One has been permanently cut out and one is very close to being cut out. The other two are manageable — for now. That could always change no matter how much I care about them since my generosity only goes so far.
I got my old man on mute. Some people you have no authority over, yet you can not remove them from your life.

I had such a chip on my shoulder, I was too feisty, I pushed and pushed and pushed. Back then, I never thought that what I was doing was bad or wrong, I simply thought I was standing up for myself and not letting others walk all over me. Little did I know that I was walking all over others, even loved ones.
I also want to know if I'm still an a-hole. I wonder if I walk over others unknowingly too :unsure:
But I read the article and I haven't ticked any boxes that I'm aware of
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
I got my old man on mute. Some people you have no authority over, yet you can not remove them from your life.



I also want to know if I'm still an a-hole. I wonder if I walk over others unknowingly too :unsure:
But I read the article and I haven't ticked any boxes that I'm aware of
Not sure this will be of any help but about one page down under Symptoms it has a simple list of symptoms of being a narcissist and also deals with grandiosity.

 

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Not sure this will be of any help but about one page down under Symptoms it has a simple list of symptoms of being a narcissist and also deals with grandiosity.

A grandiose sense of self-importance
Nope, I live or die won't affect much but the few close to me, everything will be inherited by ex-wife and daughter.
Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
Yes! I want my own private universe when I die, that's the only afterlife acceptable!
Belief that one is special and can only be understood by or associate with special people or institutions
Yes, only TAM understands me :p
A need for excessive admiration
Nope.
A sense of entitlement (to special treatment)
Nope.
Exploitation of others
Not that I'm aware of - but possibly subconsciously :devilish:
A lack of empathy
Sometimes
Envy of others or the belief that one is the object of envy
Sometimes
Arrogant, haughty behavior, or attitudes
Sometimes

Do I qualify? :cool:
 
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