Talk About Marriage banner

How to regain the trust? DO I walk or stay and try and work it out?

1297 Views 5 Replies 5 Participants Last post by  theroad
My Boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years....I have a daughter from a previous marriage who is 6 and absolutely adores him....I have caught him 2 times before while flirting with other woman on facebook, which totally hurt me but was able to get over with some counselling and decided like a fool to give him another chance....2 years had passed and he recently started a full time night position at a new job, I have met people that he works with including females while dropping him off at work while i was going to work. He added this one girl to facebook that I had met and had conversations with, thinking it was friendly chat. He would chat with her on facebook while i was in the same room but I could never see the conversation, he would be facing me with the laptop in front of him. He started acting differant, he was excited to go to work. I never had his facebook password but I did have his e-mail password....I read a few of the messages from her that seemed innocent. Then a few nights later he tells me he has to go in for 9 instead of 11 because they were behind and it would be overtime. I asked how he found out since they never called he said that this girl told him. I seen a message that gave her address so I got a terrible feeling in my stomach that something was going on. I downloaded a key logger onto the laptop and sure enough the next day when I checked I immediately foundout that he had picked her up early and had oral sex in his car...more may have happened but he denies it all.

I immediately woke him up and confronted him and told him I knew what was going on between him and this girl and he denied it..I told him I had proof....(This lady is 10 years his senior has 3 kids and is in a relationship) I messaged her to let her know I knew what was going on between them. She blocked me from Facebook and was commenting on his posts and status's without me being able to see them. He has deleted her from facebook and says that he had a talk with her.

I have had anxiety over this for the past week, hate that he still works with her becuase I don't know what is happening while he is at work. I know i need to have faith and trust that there is nothing going on between them but find this hard to do. I am hurt, and angry and blame myself. I find myself wanting answers that he won't answer, he tells me if i am going to bring this up forever and I told him it is a slow process and i am allowed to be hurt...

I have been faithful from day one, I was in a 3 year marriage before meeting him. I have told him the truth from day one and has not lied about anything.

I just don't know where to go from here, still very hurt and everytime I close my eyes I can see her there laughing or I see the words that he typed to her...
See less See more
Not open for further replies.
1 - 6 of 6 Posts
He is not done with her. Read the newbies section. Expose this and stop it RIGHT NOW. Or lose the relationship. I can't stress this enough.
Posted via Mobile Device
I haven't slept or eaten in a week, plus I work nights as well....I don't even know who her bf is to talk to him......

Find her bf/husband on facebook, home address etc, and expose.

Also he has to leave his job.

Either he quits or you dump him. period and no negotiations on that.

If theres any chance at recovery he cannot be in day to day contact with her.

With you being new to infidelity, this may sounds extreme.

Look at it this way, what do you want to be more important to him?

His gf or his job? If its the latter, why would you want to be with him in the first place?
See less See more
Your thread title: "How to regain the trust? DO I walk or stay and try and work it out?"

The short answer. In order to regain the trust, HE has to EARN IT. That decision and "trust" is not up to you alone. What has he done, if anything, to regain your trust? Has he given you details? Do you know the whole picture? Can you make an informed decision? Apparently you know nothing about the AP, in that you don't know if she is involved with someone else and the name. There is information out there that your WS is not telling you, therefore it is logical NOT to trust him.

Does he want you to stay? Why? If he is not willing to be completely open and honest with you and deal with your hurt, why does he want you there? To be a doormat? Because he is "comfortable"? Or because he truly loves you and intends to be faithful? Do his actions meet his words?

Of course, the final decision is yours. But if you don't trust him, please don't waste your life and your future with someone that doesn't deserve it. If he earns your trust again, fine. If he does not, then you are merely accepting his behavior on his terms, not yours. Think about it.

I wish you well.
See less See more
1 - 6 of 6 Posts
Not open for further replies.