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Discussion Starter #1
Posted this in another section but didnt get a response so Ill try it here... So my wife and I have decided to see a psychologist but not a couples counselor together. She is under the impression that she needs to figure out her own issues first before we can move onto ours, so she suggested we both see a psychologist individually...it can be the same one but doesnt need to be. Here are my questions....

Do I need to find a psychologist or a counselor/therapist?

How do I find one in my area and make sure they are legit?

We eventually want to work on our marriage issues, but I feel her issues are more psychological/medication related, so are there counselors that specialize in ALL of it or are they targeted towards general issues? I just want to make sure we both see the right one that can help us work out our individual problems, then eventually bring us in together and work on our marriage together....where do I start?
 

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Finding a great counselor is important but can be challenging. I'd encourage you both to look for someone who has a lot of experience in the types of problems that you're facing, but isn't SO specialized that they see that problem where none exists. If you can find someone with a master's degree level education, that can be helpful, too.

Finally, look for someone who is trained in a "multi-disciplinary" approach. Different people / problems respond better to different therapies. Talk therapy might be good for one issue, while role playing might get to the matter faster for a different issue. There are a number of "disciplines" that a counselor can employ: talk therapy, gestalt, hypnosis, NLP, and a new one that I'm not familiar with that has to do with light...
 

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Discussion Starter #6
well I want someone who can help us individually with psychological problems, because she does have depression and other issues, but can also help us as a married couple once those individual issues are 'worked out'
 

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Make sure you pick a therapist that is a certified marriage and family therapist. (AAMFT certifies marriage and family therapist) Many therapists, regardless of their discipline, do not have the advanced training to do quality couples therapy. Don't be afraid to ask about advanced training in couples therapy beyond their graduate degree.
Working individually can often be a mistake in my opinion.
DrDavidCOlsen author of "The Couples Survival Workbook"
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Make sure you pick a therapist that is a certified marriage and family therapist. (AAMFT certifies marriage and family therapist) Many therapists, regardless of their discipline, do not have the advanced training to do quality couples therapy. Don't be afraid to ask about advanced training in couples therapy beyond their graduate degree.
Working individually can often be a mistake in my opinion.
DrDavidCOlsen author of "The Couples Survival Workbook"
Well she isnt open to the idea of seeing a couples therapist yet, since she feels that all of our marriage problems are because 'both of us have lost sight of ourselves as individuals'. She feels that if she can start to love herself again, THEN she will be able to start working on us again. So she wanted to see an individual first, then possibly a couples therapist.
 

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While individual therapy can be helpful for a start, the danger is that in marriage, we are constantly shaping the other. In marriage, one plus one does not equal two. In other words, two married partners create a third entity - a predictable dance or interactional pattern which then shapes both individuals. Without the assistance of a trained marital therapist, these patterned interactional patterns can be very difficult to break.
Best wishes,
DrDavidCOlsen, author, "The Couple's Survival Workbook"
(check my u tube post under David Olsen on relationship patterns
 
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