[infinity14]

My boyfriend of 5 years always put me on a pedestal, he knew that I had been burned in the past- and always did everything he could to put my mind at ease... I found him in a relationship with another girl at the beginning of this month. At first he apologized profusely, cried like a child, and insisted he felt like he was just going through the motions with this girl. I had no way to confront him in person since this month we are in different states. I decided to try and work things out, but after 2 weeks of him really supporting me through it all, he completely quit putting in any effort. When I finally did get him on the phone he promised me on his life that he just needed time and space to get his head on right, because I had been so good to him all these years and I deserved nothing less than perfect. I truly believed him, and the very next day found the same girls twitter account that had pics of them together. There are so many emotions that clog my head. All my friends and family keep saying is "move on" "let's go to the club tonight" ... I feel like my best friend died and I'm not even in the same state to look at his casket for closure. Everytime I envision moving on...I remember the perfectly wonderful things about my boyfriend and how no other man will compare- then I think about the fact that he had all of my trust and set it on fire, not once but twice! I cannot imagine dating again, it is too exhausting and I fear I will never be able to trust another human being for the rest of my life. Everyone keeps saying move on, but no one can tell me how?

 

[Emerald]

I'm sorry about your broken heart.

You need to grieve the death of this relationship before you can "move on." It will take a long time but your healing will be faster if you cut off all contact with him & stop looking at FB & Twitter.

In time, you will be able to trust again but I'm going to suggest no more "distance" relationships.

 

[infinity14]

Yea, we never planned to do the distance...I recently had a family emergency and had to come back home. I thought we were strong enough to last a few months- I guess not. Once I do move on, how do I not carry this over to other relationships?

 

[TroubledInMI]

There are so many emotions that clog my head.

In addition to sadness, disbelief, and serious depression, you're going to feel intense anger and rage. I suggest you let it take you. Feel it. Then let it out. Run around yelling and screaming all you want. It will clear your head and focus you. Don't stay in a rage, but do let it cleanse you. Don't let anger overflow your plate, but keep a little on the side, like a garnish. It will help maintain perspective, and will balance the sadness and depression. Emotions have to run their course. Don't be afraid of them.

All my friends and family keep saying is "move on" "let's go to the club tonight"

DO this. Throw yourself into your work, your family, your friends. Join a gym. Renew a hobby. Busy yourself. Night times are the absolute worst, because there's SO much time that previously was kept free for someone else who is no longer worthy of it. So go to that club. Busy yourself.

I think about the fact that he had all of my trust and set it on fire

I love this description. You spent a lot of time, effort, energy, and love building something with a total loser, and his infidelity burned it all to the ground. Some couples can clear the rubble and build something again. But many can't. Either way, it never changes the fact that all that work, all those dreams, are nothing but ashes now. EVERYTHING about your relationship is invalidated. If he were the least bit repentant, remorseful, and committed, you could possibly build something new and different, that's nothing like what you had before. But he doesn't sound remotely capable of that. So, put that fire out, dust yourself off, and let the wind carry those ashes away. I know, easier said than done.

I fear I will never be able to trust another human being for the rest of my life. Everyone keeps saying move on, but no one can tell me how?

You will trust again. And everyone is right. ChumpLady responded with yet another classic bit of wisdom to your other thread. Everything she says is spot on. Absorb that. Keep reading her post until you believe it.

I wish you luck, and I'm so sorry you're hurting like this.

 

[TroubledInMI]

Once I do move on, how do I not carry this over to other relationships?

I don't think this can be helped, but can be minimized. When you do meet someone else that captures your heart, remind yourself that this new person is NOT the last person. Don't project characteristics of the last person onto the new person. That said, you'll listen to your gut a lot more than you ever did, and you don't want to ignore it next time.