[gaius]

It sounds more like you were trying to manipulate her before. Instead of just being honest and telling her you want her in the sack now you'd do lots of nice things to try and get in her pants. Which she didn't respect much. And rightfully so.

So lesson learned. Being direct and honest, paired with being playful and entertaining, is the magic combination to turn a woman on.

 

[badsanta]

It sounds more like you were trying to manipulate her before. Instead of just being honest and telling her you want her in the sack now you'd do lots of nice things to try and get in her pants. Which she didn't respect much. And rightfully so.

So lesson learned. Being direct and honest, paired with being playful and entertaining, is the magic combination to turn a woman on.

There is perhaps a lot of truth to that comment. I however scratch my head and wonder if being honest and playful back then would have indeed worked or backfired. I feel certain that it would have just made things worse if my wife was convinced that I just use her for sex. I think first I needed to help her work on her self esteem and I had to work on mine as well. Once she started feeling somewhat better about herself, THEN I could be honest and playful.

I also have to be able to stand up and allow myself to get hit by a freight train of insults and not even flinch. Perhaps I'll look at my wife all playfully puzzled and say, "well honey, you married me so I am going to assume that is what takes to rock your boat!" Historically I would get all butt hurt, withdraw, and go into passive aggressive tantrums. These days I see her insults as more of a test to see if I can hold my sh!t together emotionally. When I do keep it together I think that is what it needed for her to enjoy being closer to me as opposed to being a grumpy old cooter (just had to look up that word and it means turtle which makes sense).

 

[gaius]

I also have to be able to stand up and allow myself to get hit by a freight train of insults and not even flinch. Perhaps I'll look at my wife all playfully puzzled and say, "well honey, you married me so I am going to assume that is what takes to rock your boat!" Historically I would get all butt hurt, withdraw, and go into passive aggressive tantrums. These days I see her insults as more of a test to see if I can hold my sh!t together emotionally. When I do keep it together I think that is what it needed for her to enjoy being closer to me as opposed to being a grumpy old cooter (just had to look up that word and it means turtle which makes sense).

I think you might be the first guy I've seen that figured that out. Here I was thinking I'd have to come back and argue with you and you're way ahead of me.

Good to see someone enjoying life with a woman who wants to have sex with him instead of whining about how men and women aren't treated exactly the same.