LOVE THIS!Covert contracts = bad.
Covert compliments = good.
😆
In fact, the more “covertly” you can deliver your wife a compliment- the better it is received. If you say “love the new shirt” in the split second you see it- much better than the calculated, rehearsed compliment. Wives are crazy smart about intent.
Interestingly enough in the book I just read, "Why Women Have Sex" it did claim that someone has to lose in order for the other to win pleasurably. At its core sexuality is relentlessly competitive. Competition is the birthplace of self development. Self development is critical for survival.You guys win. Apparently it's fine to lie to someone to get them to have sex with you, and the ends will always justify the means. The moderators have spoken, and whatever lies you have to tell to get your way are fine, her feelings aren't important.
If you say so! 😀You guys win. Apparently it's fine to lie to someone to get them to have sex with you, and the ends will always justify the means. The moderators have spoken, and whatever lies you have to tell to get your way are fine, her feelings aren't important.
Blah blah blah, women are just here for you to use. Got it.Interestingly enough in the book I just read, "Why Women Have Sex" it did claim that someone has to lose in order for the other to win pleasurably. At its core sexuality is relentlessly competitive. Competition is the birthplace of self development. Self development is critical for survival.
Many psychology books that I have read also tend to suggest that deriving sexual pleasure fails to combine with the dynamics of everything being comfortable, familiar, routine, and following a set of clearly defined rules.
There you have it guys, tell her whatever lies you want, get her into bed and you never have to speak to her again.If you say so! 😀
tell her she is a Very Dirty Girl!If I am completely honest and tell my wife she is beautiful, she flat out refuses to believe me. I do feel like I have to manipulate her into letting go of her low self esteem....
Badsanta
MODERATOR WARNING:- Quit making things up. The only moderation that has taken place was when individual posts have broken the rules.You guys win. Apparently it's fine to lie to someone to get them to have sex with you, and the ends will always justify the means. The moderators have spoken, and whatever lies you have to tell to get your way are fine, her feelings aren't important.
You do make some very, very good posts and I can tell you are passionate about the topics, but you can also go off the deep end very quickly.There you have it guys, tell her whatever lies you want, get her into bed and you never have to speak to her again.
I'm finding myself drawn to what @CatholicDad said:Isn't it a good thing that @badsanta figured out a way to get his wife to believe she is as beautiful as he believes she is? Even if it was done through what some may call manipulation?
I compliment W regularly, not just looks but all life components.I'm finding myself drawn to what @CatholicDad said:
Covert contracts = Bad
Covert compliments = Good
But my mind is really going into the gutter so to speak on clever ways to give my wife covert compliments. I think I need to up my game on covert compliments and work on that.
An example of how I traditionally do this might be complaining to my wife that I am not in the mood. Then I'll allow her to quickly prove me wrong and that I was lying. She giggles when I do that!
Badsanta
There are chunks of this thread missing otherwise I might have some input.You guys win. Apparently it's fine to lie to someone to get them to have sex with you, and the ends will always justify the means. The moderators have spoken, and whatever lies you have to tell to get your way are fine, her feelings aren't important.
I'm a little confused, maybe I missed others' posts. I'm not lying to W on whatever, whenever I want to be physically intimate, and I didn't see others saying yep I lie to have sex with their Ws.You guys win. Apparently it's fine to lie to someone to get them to have sex with you, and the ends will always justify the means. The moderators have spoken, and whatever lies you have to tell to get your way are fine, her feelings aren't important.
Much of her posts were arguing that anything with good intentions to make someone honestly know that they are beautiful is NOT being manipulation. Then there was a debate that the use of the word manipulation can only be associated with wicked acts of lying and deceiving someone in order to get what you want. Things went off the rails very quick and she compared manipulation by using lies to falsely making a woman feel good about herself in order to get more sex to being on par with why not just rape her if you want more sex. Well, to some extend I imagine when women convince themselves they were manipulated and used sexually that it does feel violating.There are chunks of this thread missing otherwise I might have some input.
I do agree a wife's feelings are important.
Thanks for the breakdown!Much of her posts were arguing that anything with good intentions to make someone honestly know that they are beautiful is NOT being manipulation. Then there was a debate that the use of the word manipulation can only be associated with wicked acts of lying and deceiving someone in order to get what you want. Things went off the rails very quick and she compared manipulation by using lies to falsely making a woman feel good about herself in order to get more sex to being on par with why not just rape her if you want more sex. Well, to some extend I imagine when women convince themselves they were manipulated and used sexually that it does feel violating.
I'm certain that everyone here agrees that how a woman feels about herself is important @ConanHub so no one is denying that. However in my opinion it is low self esteem and lack of self confidence is what likely causes women to feel used and unable to stop that feeling from reoccurring. Is there a way to break that cycle? When a woman lies to herself and tells herself she is ugly, it can be downright impossible to convince her otherwise.
This is why I think the idea of covert compliments are fascinating. A wife gets to validate that a lie has been told or a false accusation has been made! But in doing so she has to prove she is beautiful. Now perhaps @CatholicDad and I are not thinking the same about covert compliments, but our intentions are the same. But the idea is to awkwardly force a compliment onto our wives and enjoy her feeling good about herself.
A possible example of a covert compliment. I'll ask my wife since she is not attractive if she ever had a hard time finding boyfriends when she was single. I know for a fact that my wife grew up with many men constantly asking her out (even some asking to marry) and all she had to do was take her pick on which one she liked the most. Never in her life has she been interested in someone and been rejected. Faced with those facts she can get upset with me for asking her that and start claiming that she never had problems getting anyone she wanted. Essentially she proves that she is beautiful.
the simple fact is, a LOT of women (not all) have body image issues as they age.A possible example of a covert compliment. I'll ask my wife since she is not attractive if she ever had a hard time finding boyfriends when she was single. I know for a fact that my wife grew up with many men constantly asking her out (even some asking to marry) and all she had to do was take her pick on which one she liked the most. Never in her life has she been interested in someone and been rejected. Faced with those facts she can get upset with me for asking her that and start claiming that she never had problems getting anyone she wanted. Essentially she proves that she is beautiful.
For me the heart of the matter to this post is what is in the heart of the person that is trying to "manipulate" their spouse. Artfully playing with someone doesn't give me an insight into what is in that person's heart.I learned at the tender age of 14 that intent is ethereal and impossible to prove. Long story short It turned a felony into a misdemeanor.
The problem here is that Badsanta the OP on this thread defined manipulation as the artful playing of another person. And, TexasMom1216 keep insisting on it being the insidious playing on of another person. They are Both right.
It is ok to manipulate a person if your intent is approved (I'm having trouble with the term good here because the level of approved is all over the place) Bad santa is not suggesting insidious or even deceitful playing, but, his intent is clearly more frequent sex. Despite the broadly accepted fact that frequent sex improves marriages, She's still lost it thinks frequent sex is somehow insidious.
Now If I want more frequent sex I have to go to definition 1 and physically manipulate Mrs. Nail's back and shoulders and often feet. I still do this even though she doesn't love me.
I hope this spirited discussion has not run you off or offended you too much.You guys win. Apparently it's fine to lie to someone to get them to have sex with you, and the ends will always justify the means. The moderators have spoken, and whatever lies you have to tell to get your way are fine, her feelings aren't important.
This is an interesting point and concept to consider. Most of us know what buttons to push to get our spouses in the mood. So does that mean intentionally pushing those buttons is a form of soft manipulation.To play devil's advocate, manipulation doesn't mean lie in every case. There are cads who don't hesitate to lie if it suits their need. However many humans use the truth often enough when attempting to manipulate another from start to finish. Both sexes.
In many cases the truths are used like battering rams.
Other cases, like a velvet glove.
I my marriage if I tell my wife she is beautiful she doesn't believe me. If I tell her that I love her, she doesn't believe me. She often comments that, "love is not real as we are just two people stuck together and you need sex all the time!" Historically I used to get crushed by those comments. While working to improve my marriage to some extent one has to up their game and get creative in order to accomplish their agenda. Mine was to simply reconnect with my wife emotionally and physically in ways that we could celebrate our marriage and being together. After about fifteen years of being married, the quality of sex dwindled. It still happened but only because I insisted and put effort into it. Often she would push me away or tell me to hurry up and get done.Bad Santa has pointed out in other threads that some women have "responsive desire." That is they normally don't think about sex, but if something causes them to think about sex and get slightly turned on, then it quickly becomes "game on." In this kind of relationships, date nights, watching sexy Netflix movies, having candle lit dinners, etc. can be either seen as being romantic, trying to get your partner to have sexual relations, or just being a good partner. Based on past posts, this seems to be part of the dynamic in Bad Santa's relationship.
