[Julie's Husband]

She maybe said that because as the banned one wrote, women don’t know themselves. A skilled male can bring them along, but even then they have no idea how he accomplished it, just that they really enjoyed it.

The banned one advised the man she was posting to “google” technique. What did people do before google and internet existed? I guess lotta unhappy females back few decades ago.

Her former fiance was probably knowledgeable as my wife felt he was a constant womanizer. Hence "former" fiance. But I dunno that she ever slept with a man who had not been around a bit other than me.

Women are intelligent enough to know what is going on if they want to pay attention. Some women may not be of a mind to check things out. We know of at least one woman who had no orgasms until she got it on with a much younger gent at a gym when she was in her 40s.

Other women are pretty much into it. The women who bedded me before I focused on my wife to be knew exactly what they wanted. One basically used me for a sex toy, one was into recreational sex and the other was sussing out what I could do for her. The problem is that they did not teach me anything that would be useful with my wife other than plumbing.

 

[Rus47]

The women who bedded me before I focused on my wife to be knew exactly what they wanted.

As mentioned, I am working from sample of one. Only woman have ever been intimate with is wife. So no “expertise” at all. But wife knows what tips her over with PIV is getting on top and hitting her “spots” how she wants them hit. So yes she knows what she wants/needs. Sometimes CAT works but not always.

But the banned one wrote most women don't know what they need until skilled man shows them. So an unskilled man like me isn’t likely to get the job done using google. Heck when we were dating and got married, google didnt exist! We knew enough to get tab A into slot B and make a baby, but that was about it.

For us it was OJT. We worked on finding what worked over several years.

 

[CraigBesuden]

But the banned one wrote most women don't know what they need until skilled man shows them.

That was the aspect that seemed to generate the most heat. Some men on TAM disliked her opinion that bedroom problems are primarily the man’s fault.

But it may be a good way for men who have bedroom problems to look at things. Instead of asking “why is my wife LD” or “why doesn’t my wife enjoy sex,” you could try improving your skills and looks.

Yes, sometimes a woman truly is LD, truly cannot orgasm, or truly does not enjoy sex…. Despite truly being physically attracted to her husband (or despite him being in great shape, good hygiene, dressing well and treating her well).

In any case, I found her to offer more light than heat. YMMV.

 

[Rus47]

Yes, sometimes a woman truly is LD, truly cannot orgasm, or truly does not enjoy sex…. Despite truly being physically attracted to her husband (or despite him being in great shape, good hygiene, dressing well and treating her well

I would think those cases truly LD would be extremely rare. Suspect most problems result from the overall marriage dynamic. And poor upbringing.

My issue with the banned one’s writing is that the husband needs to surf the web to figure out how to “give” his wife a climax because she doesn’t have a clue herself. And evidently doesn't care to experiment with him to find out what works.

Probably because when young she didn’t explore her own body enough because her mom told her doing so was not something nice girls do. Our FOO especially in countries like USA, cause a lot of sexual problems in marriages.

 

[Mybabysgotit]

Starfires had some on point sex advice.

Except for the part that mentions it's a man's job to get a women to cum. That's a load of BS imo. Sure, a man should be able to provide the tools to get here there, but it's SOLELY up to her to get there. I've had women who simply didn't know how to get there and others that can get there fairly easy. If her pelvic floor is really weak (the girl who coughs and pees herself), and she's not in the right headspace, good luck getting her to orgasm.

 

[Rus47]

Would be interesting to read female take of banned one’s treatise. I recall originally some of them had expressed some pushback.

So far its just males expressing opinions about something. Maybe the females figure men wouldn't listen anyway.

 

[CraigBesuden]

Except for the part that mentions it's a man's job to get a women to cum. That's a load of BS imo. Sure, a man should be able to provide the tools to get here there, but it's SOLELY up to her to get there. I've had women who simply didn't know how to get there and others that can get there fairly easy. If her pelvic floor is really weak (the girl who coughs and pees herself), and she's not in the right headspace, good luck getting her to orgasm.

If the woman loves sex and wants it frequently with her previous partners, then tells her (now husband) that she’s LD and their sex life is fine and it’s okay that she’s not orgasming, then comes on TAM and complains about his lot in life….

Yes, her silence and acceptance of a bad sex life life is a big part of the problem. But blaming her for being LD and not enjoying sex isn’t going to fix things. To fix the problem, he essentially needs to accept sole responsibility for the problem. He needs to take ownership of it. In my view, this isn’t about placing blame but figuring out how a man can resolve his problems.

 

[UAArchangel]

If the woman loves sex and wants it frequently with her previous partners, then tells her (now husband) that she’s LD and their sex life is fine and it’s okay that she’s not orgasming, then comes on TAM and complains about his lot in life….

Yes, her silence and acceptance of a bad sex life life is a big part of the problem. But blaming her for being LD and not enjoying sex isn’t going to fix things. To fix the problem, he essentially needs to accept sole responsibility for the problem. He needs to take ownership of it. In my view, this isn’t about placing blame but figuring out how a man can resolve his problems.

However, if she wasn't really attracted to him, there is no amount of masculinity that could be injected into him to fix that. One's sexual satisfaction starts with one taking responsibility for their own satisfaction.

 

[CraigBesuden]

However, if she wasn't really attracted to him, there is no amount of masculinity that could be injected into him to fix that. One's sexual satisfaction starts with one taking responsibility for their own satisfaction.

I assumed that the problem wasn’t that the husband lacks masculinity, but rather that he lacks sexual technique.

If the guy is 50 pounds overweight and she was never attracted to him, she might become attracted to him if he lost the weight, added muscle and broadened his shoulders. Facial hair can cover up unattractive features and feminine features (e.g., a weak chin). There are probably steps most men can take. If he’s too nice, he can learn how to be more assertive.

There isn’t one answer for all men. But when so many women talk about whether a man “knows how to use it” and so few men do, sharing that knowledge is helpful to many.

I bet she’d be proud to know that a thread on sexual technique has turned into a discussion on whether it’s unfair to claim that the men are to blame.

 

[ConanHub]

Except for the part that mentions it's a man's job to get a women to cum. That's a load of BS imo. Sure, a man should be able to provide the tools to get here there, but it's SOLELY up to her to get there. I've had women who simply didn't know how to get there and others that can get there fairly easy. If her pelvic floor is really weak (the girl who coughs and pees herself), and she's not in the right headspace, good luck getting her to orgasm.

I found her blunt statements to be remarkably refreshing and pretty accurate in a lot of instances.

She was spot on with me and my wife.

I'm obviously not someone that puts all things sexual at the feet of men but it shouldn't hurt us to hear some inconvenient truths once in a while.

I got what she was communicating and benefitted.

Right or wrong, I will listen and measure instructions to men from women without rancor.

 

[Rus47]

There isn’t one answer for all men. But when so many women talk about whether a man “knows how to use it” and so few men do, sharing that knowledge is helpful to many.

Fair enough. So who is it that has this wisdom and how/where can those other than the few men who do glean this wisdom? With google!?!

The banned one maybe smart But she is ONE person with one set of life experience, anatomy constructed in one way, being intimate with a particular group of men with their individual endowments and characteristics. Is she the guru of Cosmo or any of the other advice givers?

Seems to me kinda reasonable that if woman knows how her man should use it and he isnt, wouldnt it be to both of their advantage to just tell him? I mean it is two individuals with their own set of anatomy, endowment, etc,

I think it is a case that women know when they are “feelin” it but care less HOW and dont know how the man is giving them what they want.

There are tremendous number of variables. Is he new meat? Does he turn her on when he walks by? Is she comfortable being with him? Does she feel safe with him? Is she in love with him? Is he kind to her? Is he considerate of her feelings and needs? Does he listen to her? Does he make her laugh?

None of these have anything to do with sexual technique. But they all bear on how aroused she can become with him.

 

[UAArchangel]

I assumed that the problem wasn’t that the husband lacks masculinity, but rather that he lacks sexual technique.

If the guy is 50 pounds overweight and she was never attracted to him, she might become attracted to him if he lost the weight, added muscle and broadened his shoulders. Facial hair can cover up unattractive features and feminine features (e.g., a weak chin). There are probably steps most men can take. If he’s too nice, he can learn how to be more assertive.

There isn’t one answer for all men. But when so many women talk about whether a man “knows how to use it” and so few men do, sharing that knowledge is helpful to many.

I bet she’d be proud to know that a thread on sexual technique has turned into a discussion on whether it’s unfair to claim that the men are to blame.

One thing I am learning on this site is that, if a woman does not respect a man from the outset, he cannot generate that within her. He can lose it if he's a jerk of a man, but it cannot be created. I except situations where he saves orphans in a burning building or rebuilds Venezuela into prosperity. However, short of something of that nature, a man should not try if it isn't there. He should also be aware if he is being disrespected by a woman while getting to know her, because it either remains that way or it will get worse upon marriage.

If you don't have that, there is no technique you could apply to give her sexual satisfaction.

 

[Rus47]

Venezuela into prosperit

This is impossible

 

[Young at Heart]

Way to much OP generalization. Yes some women fake O's, so do some men (I have to just get it over and go to sleep). However, if you are using your fingers or tongue, the vaginal and uterine contractions are pretty obvious. Sometimes they can trigger a penis orgasm.

Now as to women having orgasms, My wife has to absolutely free her mind of any thoughts. If she is trying to remember to send a message in the morning or pick something up at a store tomorrow, she can't. She has to generally enter a Zen-like state of mind. The only exception is when she feeds off my animal arousal, which will focus her mind only on sex.

As to vaginal orgasms, they have been rare, but I think that the OP neglected to discuss the tugging on the clitoral hood associated with thrusting that can stimulate the clitoris to orgasm. Also, some women really enjoy the feel of fullness having a penis inside them. When my wife was much younger and physically stronger vaginal orgasms were more common. There were certain positions with her on her back and holding her legs straight and in an open V that worked better, but now she needs to hold her knees and doesn't have the leg strength.

To me way too much emphasis is given on orgasms. They are great, but more emphasis should be placed on aftercare bonding and cuddling. This is especially true in an HD/LD relationship. in such a relationship the LD partner may not either want an O or want to free their mind to be able to achieve an O.

 

[Bulfrog1987]

Sure fire way to turn this female off is talking about money and how amazing you are in bed. 🙄

 

[Bulfrog1987]

My former DID NOT know, nor was he open to learning. His mindset was any woman should be satisfied with however he does it. Talk about not being able to have an orgasm as a women with all that in my head.

Or, his demanding I have an orgasm, rushing me. That’s a whole bucket of fun.

Men, talk to the women you’re with. Make them feel safe, if you’re not scared to spend 45 minutes down town with your mouth aching tell them that. Tell her not to worry, that you won’t stop until she gets where she wants to be. And let your ego’s go, if you’re not scared or too weak of a man to take direction, make her understand that there are no wrong requests, encourage her to be open.

If I’d had that…. There’s no telling the places I could have gone or even taken him along the way had his pride not kept us apart in that way. There was plenty of sex but it was plenty too much bad sex. Great for him, miserable for me.

 

[Mr.Married]

Sure fire way to turn this female off is talking about money and how amazing you are in bed. 🙄

Yeah but what if he is rich and can fack like nobody’s business 😅

 

[Bulfrog1987]

Yeah but what if he is rich and can fack like nobody’s business 😅

When I hear $$ talk it usually makes me think he’s crap him bed or would be a bad lover. But I have no definitive experience with such a thing. I just don’t care about money. I married my husband at 20 while he was just a few hundred dollars away from bankrupt and his farm foreclosing.

Guess who turned that all around. All I’m saying is, I can make my own money, you can’t impress me with yours. Sure it can be a perk, but if your rich ahole what’s to come of you when you go broke, if you go broke. You’re still a miserable person with nothing else.

 

[happyhusband0005]

I'm a pizza guy. I don't get tired of pizza.
Can I get pizza on Christmas?

As long as there is no freaking pineapple on it.

 

[BeyondRepair007]

As long as there is no freaking pineapple on it.

🤮 pineapple.


Meat and jalapeños!
BBQ sometimes.