Talk About Marriage banner
1 - 20 of 44 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
873 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Sexual technique is important to discuss. This draws from information shared years ago by now-banned poster Starfires. Please add your own advice or observations.

STARFIRES ON INTERCOURSE

You say this has been bothering you, and that's a good thing because it means there is hope for you. So, I need you to listen to me. Listen very carefully and take what I say to heart:

1. You don't know what you're doing. It's just that simple. Don't take that offensively. Many guys don't know what they are doing, and so, like you, they have to wonder if their partner is getting pleased. If you knew what you were doing, you wouldn't have to wonder about it because a woman's orgasm ordinarily is not by happenstance. Her orgasm shouldn't be something you have to wonder about because you should know for certain. Her orgasms should be deliberate acts on your part, meaning you should be making sure to bring her to orgasm before you orgasm. And in order to make sure, then you have to know how to do it.

For you to be wondering about it means it's not something you take care of before yours because you don't know how. I'm sure you've heard the running joke about men, who, after they are done, turn to the woman and ask "Was it good for you?" Well, that's who you sound like. I'm going to assume you have also heard the saying "She cums first" (probably took it as "She comes first"). Well, what do you think that means? It means you have to MAKE her cum.

Your wife is not into it sometimes and sometimes not. She's never into it. She doesn't orgasm sometimes and sometimes not. She never orgasms. A lot of women fake it. Some women fake it because they don't know what it's really like. Some women fake it because it feels nice but neither she nor the man know how to keep the feeling going. Some women fake it because she feels that if he thinks she's enjoying it, then it's more pleasurable for him. Some women fake it because it makes him cum faster, so they do it just to get it over with because they are bored and don't want to lay there forever pretending to enjoy it.

Your job is to get her into it. Your job is to MAKE her orgasm. That doesn't mean you're supposed to make her orgasm against her will. That wouldn't be possible. It means her orgasm is supposed to be the result of your deliberate actions and skills that you employ for the sole purpose of pleasuring her and bringing her to orgasm. You have to work toward her orgasm first. She might not be in the mood for sex but once sex begins, you should be able to make her enjoy it EVERY time.

2. The way you are built (the glans and frenulum areas of your penis) makes sex pleasurable just because you're in the act of intercourse. Therefore, the friction created by intercourse is automatically pleasurable for you. But women are built differently. There is nothing inside a vagina that responds to friction, so the friction from thrusting is only for your own pleasure.

3. What a woman has are erogenous zones. They are areas in her vagina that respond to pressure, not friction. There are several of them, you can look up the others but the two easiest ones are the A-spot and the G-spot. The A-spot is located deep within. Some men are not large/long enough to reach that one. If you are, then you have to find it. You have to focus on pleasing her by stimulating her A-spot, and you have to last until she reaches orgasm, so if you cannot control your orgasms you need to get busy working on lasting longer.

Her A-spot is not difficult to find. Instead of humping, take your time and penetrate all the way in at an upward angle (assuming she in lying on her back in missionary), apply pressure for 2-3 seconds, and then retreat for a second. Then do it again, again, and again. This creates passion and ecstasy in her, and you will notice in her breathing quicken and possibly some moaning. After a short while, you can speed up a little bit at a time, but remember you're applying pressure, not humping, so you don't want to withdraw too far away. After a while, you can start gently pumping. Do this by applying pressure all the while but in very short spurts. Don't withdraw into a hump. Just stay deep and gently pumping. She probably won't orgasm quickly, so you have to be able to last. When she does orgasm, it will be explosive, and then you can cum along with her. If you can't last and you cum before she does, she will be extremely frustrated, and you will be the worst lover ever lol. Remember "She cums first."

You wrote: “We have talked about things. She tells me I think to much about it. She tells me everything is fine. She tells me it's ok.”

It's not okay. Under no circumstances is it okay. No matter what she says, it is NOT okay. Women say "it's fine" and "it's okay" and "don't worry about it" when they don't know how to talk about it. They don't know how to talk about it because they don't know what to say. Pleasure from sex is easy for you. As you can see from what I explained above, it's much more complicated for women. We don't know how to talk about it or what to say until we learn about our body and learn what pleases us, and we don't learn until those pleasing things happen to us and we see how our body responds to them. They don't happen to us until we are with a man who is knowledgeable and skilled at pleasing us. Up to that point, we have no idea what pleases us until it actually happens. A very good example is how many women (including lots of women on this board) say they don't or can't have vaginal orgasms. They think the only way they can orgasm is by clitoris stimulation, but those are the only orgasms they've ever had. It doesn't mean they can't have vaginal orgasms. They simply don't know they can because they never had one. If they were with a guy who knew how to make them orgasm vaginally, they would see it's not impossible.

That's why your wife won't talk about it. She doesn't know how you can please her any more than you know how to please her because you haven't done it, so the subject is a source of discomfort for her. She wants to be pleased and she wants to orgasm. She just doesn't know how to make those things happen and doesn't know what you can do to make them happen, so she has no idea what to tell you. So far, she probably feels like sex is mainly for men to enjoy. She's likely wondering what all the hullabaloo is about from the female side of things. So, she goes through the motions for your sake and for your pleasure, and she puts you off any attempt at discussion.

We learn about sex and orgasm from men we are intimate with. The more experienced and skillful the man is, the more we learn about our sexual pleasure. That means her orgasms are up to you. You have to get better in bed without her help because she doesn't know how to help you. I gave you some surefire methods, but you should google and research because there's still a lot more you can learn. Just don't make the mistake of thinking you can learn anything from porno videos. Pornography is the antithesis of female pleasure. You can't learn anything from pornography except how to disrespect your wife in the worst ways. And then, don't be surprised if she starts making excuses not to have sex with you.

INTERCOURSE TECHNIQUE
(by another poster)

Men get pleasure from friction while women get pleasure from pressure. You need to know the spots to apply pressure.

If a woman is lying down on her back, the A spot is about six inches in on the top of her vagina. The O spot is about 3-4 inches in on the bottom. The G spot is about 1-2 inches in on the top. (The C spot, aka the external clit, is obviously on the outside top.)

In the missionary position, you hit the A spot and G spot by inserting the penis at an upward angle. (Be very careful with the G spot as you can hit it hard directly and hurt her.)

For the O spot, go after that in doggy style with your penis at an upward angle. The woman could also hit it riding in reverse cowgirl while leaning away from you.

MORE STARFIRES ON VAGINAL ORGASMS

I'm so glad you posted this, Allie. I'm SOOOO glad you're here. And I'm glad I couldn't sleep to be awake at this ridiculous hour and see your post. I'm glad because I was you in my first marriage. he big difference between us though is I got out of my marriage so I could explore sex with other men in order to discover the magical component that you mention. I knew it wasn't there and even though I didn't know what it was, I did know I was missing it....and I wanted it, so I had to go. I'm glad you have more tenacity than I did, but I wasn't one to just assume I didn't or couldn't enjoy sex. I'm glad I left, or I wouldn't be so happy to meet you because I think I can offer you some help.

First, I'd like to ask you to read Oldshirt's posts again....and again. But, I have to ask you to please ignore this one sentence: "Roughly 75% of women are not able to orgasm through penile penetration alone."

That kind of statement is what a lot of doctors/articles/surveys claim, but it's not true. I'm not sure how Oldshirt meant it, but that statement can be taken a couple different ways. One way is to take it literally to mean it isn't possible for 75% of women to have vaginal orgasms. Another way is to take it to mean 75% of women are not able to have vaginal orgasms without additional stimulation, such as to the clitoris. However one means or construes that statement, it is NOT true. That vaginal orgasm has not happened for most women doesn't mean it can't happen. All that means is they and their partner don't know how to make it happen. And women for whom it has never happened would naturally answer that type of survey question with "No I cannot have vaginal orgasms" because they don't know that they can.

I'm not trying to say every single woman on earth can, but I am saying that percentage can be turned around to state something more like "75% of women have vaginal orgasms" if only the necessary education were as widely broadcast as that untrue statement is. So know that you are not alone in thinking you don't like sex. Obviously, you and your vibrator have a relationship, so you can't say you don't like sex. You don't like sex with your husband, which is the type of thing a lot of women say, usually not until they discover with someone else how good sex can be. You just need to include your husband and help him learn your body, what you need him to do, and how you need him to do it.

Since you and your husband were both inexperienced, it is not surprising that sex is not satisfying to you. You guys are doing what comes naturally, which is to screw. Screwing is the humping, in and out mechanics of sexual intercourse. That's what you do because that's all you know to do. That feels good to him because of the way his body is built. The frenulum area of his penis is sensitive so that it responds to friction, and friction is what the in and out motion creates.

However, there is nothing in a woman's vagina that responds to friction, so you need more than just the mechanical movement. What you have are erogenous zones that respond to pressure. That's what Oldshirt means by your husband has to learn how to push the right buttons.

I want to ask you to read my post here in this thread. I offer somewhat in-depth advice on a few techniques. Tweak and adjust according to your preferences.

Also, please read this article: How Finding My A-Spot Unlocked the Best Orgasm of My Life
Know also that a lot of women are bored by intercourse, as the author of the article mentions that she was. But your husband learning about your A-Spot will cure that boredom. And if he isn't able to reach your A-Spot, another way for him to give you vaginal orgasms is to learn about your G-Spot, which is much easier for him to reach because it's not positioned as far or as deep within you. I explain both spots in my first link above.

This article talks about the same things but might include more explanations and good suggestions:
How To Experience Full Body Orgasmic Bliss

If you do that, your vibrator will call the doctor and let him know you are lying. LOL

But you can enhance the experience by making your nerve endings more sensitive. I used to love Ginseng Gum because it works quickly (within 20 minutes or less) and makes sex more pleasurable.

I bet you didn't know that one of the biggest rises in venereal disease has been among senior communities. I bet there are a lot of 70 and 80 year olds who would like to teach you a thing or two about the word "can't."

I'm wondering if you made this post before. What you wrote sounds very familiar.

STARFIRES ON POSTERIOR FORNEX

I've seen that 3rd spot called the P spot. For those wondering, it's the Posterior Fornix which is even deeper than the A spot (Anterior Fornix) and you're supposed to go along the bottom of the vaginal canal to go for that spot. In short (LOL), if you are of average length, you have a realistic shot of hitting the A spot and should have zero problems hitting the G spot. However, the P spot is supposedly only for those with a min of 7" of length or more. These assumptions are for typical anatomy since every woman is different and things can be shallower or deeper.

[CRAIG’S TAKE: If you aren’t long enough to hit the posterior fornex, wear a penis sleeve that increases your length (a penis extender). Add to your girth while you’re at it.]

STARFIRES ON CUNNILINGUS

If you don't go down on your wife, then shame on you because you should. If you do go down on her and are not bringing her to orgasm every single time, then you're not doing it right and just need to know how to do it properly. First off - do not flick your tongue. A lot of men think they are doing something by flicking her clit with their tongue, but that is nothing but annoying. Also, don't concentrate on her clit for too long at a time. Teasing is best initially. Her clitoris is much like the head of your penis but even more sensitive. Right at the base of her clit is the spot similar to your frenulum but much more sensitive. The length of area between the clit and vaginal opening is also sensitive and responds very well to pressure. Use your tongue (or your fingers if you refuse to go down on her) to stimulate these areas and bring her to orgasm. Gently suck and play with her clit with your tongue but concentrate mostly on the areas beneath it, and then go back to the clit. When you're ready to make her cum, the way to suck on her clit is to encompass it with your lips and suck with your lips pursed as if drinking from a straw.

All the while, you will be driving her crazy, and she'll try to get away from you. But don't let her. Stay with her and make her scream. She will love every moment. During her actual orgasm, she will probably go quiet and won't make a sound, but don't stop until she pushes your head away. She will push you away after the orgasm because her clit will become too extremely sensitive to touch. After you get comfortable doing this over time, you might want to play dirty sometimes and not let her push your head away. I had a boyfriend do this to me before. After many months of us making love and getting accustomed to each other's routines, I wasn't expecting that he wouldn't let me push him away this particular time. He kept sucking on me, and I kept trying to get rid of him. I started screaming at him (angrily) because I was too sensitive and couldn't bear it, but he kept at it and before I knew it, I was screaming in ecstasy within just a few short moments. It felt better than the first time and my second orgasm was a LOT stronger. After I came, we both started laughing. He was quite proud of himself for tricking me, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Now you know several ways to make your wife orgasm. You won't have to wonder or worry about her pleasure anymore.

[CRAIG’S TAKE: What Starfires is talking about near the end of that post is a clitoral refractory period. Just as a penis becomes incredibly sensitive (“raw”) after orgasm, so does a clitoris. Her first orgasm merely primes the pump. Do not keep going while she’s still raw, as Starfires suggested above. You simply need to wait 10-15 seconds after her first orgasm for her clit to calm down and she’s ready to receive again. Go right back to her clit with the same speed, angle and pressure that brought the first orgasm (no fingers inside necessary now) and she will start multi-orgasming. Again she will stop you, push you away or whatever when it becomes too sensitive. Wait another 10-15 seconds and repeat. Keep going until she can take no more…. If you curl up your fingers in the “come hither” motion, rubbing inside about 1-2 inches inside her vagina on the top as you lick her, she can have a stronger, simultaneous clitoral and G spot orgasm, but when that happens she won’t be able to go for additional rounds so try to time it and save it for the last round…. When starting licking at first, keep your tongue flat like licking an ice cream cone. Take your time and don’t go straight for the clit, but the area beneath it. As she becomes more aroused, you can begin to pay more attention to the clit itself. After a few minutes, insert a finger and move it in and out like a penis while licking. A minute later, make it two fingers. watch for signs and hopefully her words on where you should lick and speed (“to the right… lower…”) As she orgasms, move with her so that you maintain the angle, speed and pressure on her clit.]
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
735 Posts
It's dangerous to generalize. Particularly with second hand (as the male partner) inference.

In the past I asked my wife how to please her and her answer was "men know". Well, since I had limited experience I damned well did not know. The result was my trying everything I could think of, probably dragging the session out far past what she needed.

The one time she did give me instructions was when she wanted to have simultaneous orgasms.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
873 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
It's dangerous to generalize. Particularly with second hand (as the male partner) inference.

In the past I asked my wife how to please her and her answer was "men know". Well, since I had limited experience I damned well did not know. The result was my trying everything I could think of, probably dragging the session out far past what she needed.

The one time she did give me instructions was when she wanted to have simultaneous orgasms.
It’s dangerous to generalize, but it’s unhelpful to say “it depends” or “every woman is different.” You need a starting point, a playbook.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
387 Posts
To me the female vagina is a very complex organ. Unlike men that all is required is a rubbing of the penis to obtain orgasm, bringing a woman to orgasm is much more complicated and a lot more involved. It doesn`t take much to put women off sex, such as past traumas or events, beliefs that sex is dirty or a sin and also a woman has to be really into a man to get turned on. Men perceive women as sexual beings, in-fact men see every part of a woman`s body as sexual. As for the G-spot, I`ve never found it. One fact I do know, the 2 best aphrodisiacs for women are money and alcohol. The 2 ways that helps women let down their inhibitions.
Some years ago a married female coworker in her mid 30s told me on occasions she`d have a sexual encounter with another woman and her husband was OK with that.
I asked her why? She replied, because a woman knows how to get another off better than a man because they have more knowledge of the female anatomy and I guess there is a lot of fact in that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,156 Posts
I asked her why? She replied, because a woman knows how to get another off better than a man because they have more knowledge of the female anatomy and I guess there is a lot of fact in that.
may be she only thinks been a woman gives her an advantage , but after reading up on the subject for years and living with a woman for longer than I have been single
in my research to be the best lover I could be I found a lesbian that teaches men how to pleasure a woman I have found the best lover is is the one that is open to letting their woman teach them what she likes best , and what I found most interesting was when my partner it is different every time , so yes just because something is good if you get Christmas dinner every day for a month of December by Christmas day you tired of it and happy to have something different
 
  • Haha
Reactions: Kaneda

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,156 Posts
Hmm. If I could get "Christmas dinner" with all the trimmings once or twice a week, I don't think I'd get tired of it.
yes lol but not what I SAID, lol
 
  • Haha
Reactions: Kaneda

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,361 Posts
I didn't read the OPs text, and don't want to speak for a woman, just my .02 from being with enough women to create a sample size...

If they are really into you, as long as you are not completely clueless, she will climb the walls almost no matter what you do.. Now...perhaps if she only had lukewarm attraction for you, then I guess you can make up with that with some good technique, but I don't know there, just speculating...

I believe women differ from men in this aspect....I think a guy can be driven wild by women that aren't necessarily even his type but are exceptionally good in bed...
'
Bottom line is if you want to know you are pleasing your woman in bed, pick one that has a strong physical/sexual attraction to you...You would think this would be obvious, but women are notorious for picking guys based on other factors such as wealth, security, status, reliability, etc...

Just one mans viewpoint, as they say YMMV...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,147 Posts
have found the best lover is is the one that is open to letting their woman teach them what she likes best ,
The opening post said that a lot of women couldn't teach because they don’t know. Said women learn by having a skilled man. Said the husband just needed to “figure it out”. At least that is what I read the banned one wrote.

One of other posts, wife told her husband “men just know”.

I can imagine this whole ignorance thing causes a lot of problems in a marriage. Wife n I were both clueless when we dated and married. Basically tried things out with one another and found what worked for both of us.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,147 Posts
When your wife says "men know" what other choice do you have? You do need some place to start, even if the whole process will be trial and error.
She maybe said that because as the banned one wrote, women don’t know themselves. A skilled male can bring them along, but even then they have no idea how he accomplished it, just that they really enjoyed it.

The banned one advised the man she was posting to “google” technique. What did people do before google and internet existed? I guess lotta unhappy females back few decades ago.
 
1 - 20 of 44 Posts
Top