Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 20 of 35 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
5 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Me and my wife have a pretty active sex life and I would say I am almost satisfied fully. Anal play is a big turn on for me, although she is not fond of me performing full on anal on her as it hurts she has let me rim her which I find a massive turn on. I often finger her ass when she is on top of me during sex.

I have a big desire to have her play with me anally however and have struggled to find a way to bring it up in conversation or to get across how much I enjoy it. She has on occasion stuck her finger in my ass while performing oral on me or a handjob and once used anal beads on me which I found great. I would love to have her do me with a strap on, the thought of her having control because it is usually me who is the dominant one is a big turn on or fantasy of mine.

I am in no way interested in the gay element to it, it is just to do this with my wife seems to be really erotic and a big turn on.
I would find it a turn on to be asked to suck or imitate a bj on a strap on but simply just want her to f*ck my ass! 0:)

She has mentioned in bed once or twice if I wanted her to do it she would but I want her to be happy or want to do and that it wouldn't be just a case that she is doing it to keep me happy - if her heart isn't in it it won't be what I would hope it to be if that makes sense? I would prefer for her not to be grossed out by it but excited by it.

Any ideas on how I could sell this better?? And also any idea how to go forward with it if she does agree??
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,076 Posts
Start small. :wink2: With a dildo, perhaps. When she's used to that, perhaps a strap-on will follow. I'd be running for the hills if my wife got a strap-on, but that's just my preference. lol
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5 Posts
Discussion Starter #3
That's a typo in my original message, I would not find it a turn on to imitate a bj on a strap on, I found that too gay for my liking as wouldn't see where the pleasure is there. Like I said just want my wife to **** me in the ass.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,928 Posts
Good evening
Since she already engages in some anal play with you she might not be disturbed by your asking. Its tough to tell though.

Does she ever react negatively to your suggestions of things to do in bed? Nothing wrong with her saying "no", but does she react in a "what sort of pervert would want that" way?

I know that I have to tread very carefully. My wife is very unpredictable - she is fine with some things, but others get a very negative response.


Do you ever watch porn together? If so, a movie with a strapon scene might open the conversation. Or do you buy sex toys online together?


Nothing wrong with strapons. I don't care about the whole "gay / straight" question, but as far as I'm concerned, if you are doing something sexual with a person of the opposite gender, its "straight", and if you are doing it with someone of the same gender its "gay".

I don't know why "male receptive anal" is considered gay. Men having anal sex with women isn't considered gay. Men getting BJs isn't considered gay - even though as far as I can tell it is a more common activity than anal for gay couples. Men using dildos on women isn't considered gay - even though there are 2 penis shaped things in the room. Women receiving oral, or dildos isn't gay, even though those are common activity for lesbians.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
243 Posts
Re: How to get wife to wear a strapon

Why not just let her read this post? Sounds pretty well explained and your W doesn't appear to have any ridiculous hangups. (Speaking of which, unless you want a man doing it to you, there is no "gay element" to pegging.) As for her own enjoyment, it'll probably follow naturally when she sees how much you get off on it. Pay her the compliment of asking for what you want without second-guessing or micromanaging her response.
Posted via Mobile Device
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5 Posts
Discussion Starter #9
No she she doesn't have any big hangups when it comes to sex and is willing to try most things although we haven't really pushed the boundaries too far. With a strap on I wouldn't want her to do it just for my sake as think if were to try it she wouldn't really get into it so it might just become awkward more than anything, particularly afterwards. Like I said we have touched on the topic before and she has said she would do me with a strap on if I wanted but it wasn't really said in a sense that I thought she would like to do for her own pleasure - I suppose it's down t the person. She does allow me to toss her salad but she's not crazy about it
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
228 Posts
If she says she's willing to try it, accept that and let her try on her terms. She won't really know if she likes it until she tries.

Getting her truly excited about this may not be possible at this point. She'll be more comfortable with trying if she feels that you're okay with her reaction, whatever it may be. If you push her too hard to really want it, she'll be afraid of disappointing you, and that is NOT sexy.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,928 Posts
Re: How to get wife to wear a strapon

Good evening
If she has already said that she is willing to try it, then go ahead and just ask. Neither of you can know if you will enjoy it before you try (fantasy is one think reality may be another).

Tell her you'd like to try it and see if you both enjoy.

I assume you have let her know that you want to hear any fantasies that she has.




snip
She has mentioned in bed once or twice if I wanted her to do it she would...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5 Posts
Discussion Starter #12
Appreciate comments, feel I'll just wait for the right opportunity to come up when we are on topic. Not something that is totally consuming my thoughts and like I have said we have an active sex life but would like to venture down this path to try it out. Many people out there have experience of it??
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,034 Posts
Re: How to get wife to wear a strapon

Appreciate comments, feel I'll just wait for the right opportunity to come up when we are on topic. Not something that is totally consuming my thoughts and like I have said we have an active sex life but would like to venture down this path to try it out. Many people out there have experience of it??
One problem that many people have with trying something new that they haven't done before is that they don't know how to do it. You haven't done it and she hasn't done it. Quite likely the first time the two of you try it you will either have equipment that isn't right or technique that isn't right. Combine that with feeling a bit uncomfortable and unless you can laugh at yourselves it could be a negative experience for one or both.

My suggestion is tell your wife that you want to TRY it and take her up on her past offer to TRY it, but only after the two of you have read up on how to do it. There are lots of videos out there that aren't the women raping/punishing men type.
Bend Over Boyfriend is a series of sex education videos covering the practice of a woman penetrating a man's anus with a strap-on dildo. The first of the two videos, which was released in 1998, became the best selling video to date for Good Vibrations, a sex-toy business.
There are also educational websites out there that are somewhat women friendly that address women's concerns and explain what to look for when purchasing the "equipment."

Ruby Ryder's Pegging Paradise

Again, tell her that this is something you want to try, that you haven't done it before and don't know if you will like it, but it does something to you mentally and you would like to explore those thoughts/feelings with her. Establish safe words for each of you so if either of you freaks out, you will stop.

Good luck. You have a great wife and you should make sure she knows how much you cherrish her.​
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,163 Posts
Re: How to get wife to wear a strapon

I'd find it odd if my husband asked me to do this, just because he's never asked before.

But I'd do it. My motto is ya never know until ya try and also try anything once!
Posted via Mobile Device
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
283 Posts
Re: How to get wife to wear a strapon

Like others have said, I think you should just ask her. She seems open enough. You might want to bring it up, outside of the bedroom.

I wanted to do something similar on my ex husband, who had previously said he would be open to trying something, maybe. - I presented the toy to him, gift wrapped while at a fancy hotel and he nearly had a panic attack. Learn from my mistake.

Good luck and I hope you guys have lots of fun exploring new territory.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,928 Posts
Re: How to get wife to wear a strapon

Good evening
that's too bad that he reacted badly. There is almost nothing my wife could suggest that would shock me. There are things I would politely turn down (with apologies) but nothing outside of true non-consent or children that would offend me.

Sadly she sometimes reacts negatively and unpredictably to suggestions, so there is a bit of walking-on-eggs.




Like others have said, I think you should just ask her. She seems open enough. You might want to bring it up, outside of the bedroom.

I wanted to do something similar on my ex husband, who had previously said he would be open to trying something, maybe. - I presented the toy to him, gift wrapped while at a fancy hotel and he nearly had a panic attack. Learn from my mistake.

Good luck and I hope you guys have lots of fun exploring new territory.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,034 Posts
There is another thread on this focused topic where I posted a response. May I suggest that the OP read some of the comments over in that thread.

I am putting link with my suggestions to that OP on how he might approach this topic and posting my suggestions below as well.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/305401-how-get-wife-wear-strapon.html#post14301290

Re: How to get wife to wear a strapon
Quote:
Originally Posted by IrishMuss View Post
Appreciate comments, feel I'll just wait for the right opportunity to come up when we are on topic. Not something that is totally consuming my thoughts and like I have said we have an active sex life but would like to venture down this path to try it out. Many people out there have experience of it??
One problem that many people have with trying something new that they haven't done before is that they don't know how to do it. You haven't done it and she hasn't done it. Quite likely the first time the two of you try it you will either have equipment that isn't right or technique that isn't right. Combine that with feeling a bit uncomfortable and unless you can laugh at yourselves it could be a negative experience for one or both.

My suggestion is tell your wife that you want to TRY it and take her up on her past offer to TRY it, but only after the two of you have read up on how to do it. There are lots of videos out there that aren't the women raping/punishing men type.
Quote:
Bend Over Boyfriend is a series of sex education videos covering the practice of a woman penetrating a man's anus with a strap-on dildo. The first of the two videos, which was released in 1998, became the best selling video to date for Good Vibrations, a sex-toy business.
There are also educational websites out there that are somewhat women friendly that address women's concerns and explain what to look for when purchasing the "equipment."

Ruby Ryder's Pegging Paradise

Again, tell her that this is something you want to try, that you haven't done it before and don't know if you will like it, but it does something to you mentally and you would like to explore those thoughts/feelings with her. Establish safe words for each of you so if either of you freaks out, you will stop.

Good luck. You have a great wife and you should make sure she knows how much you cherrish her.
Just remember that sex, should be playful and enjoyable to both. It should not induce performance anxiety on your wife or do something that she finds repulsive. In other words ask don't push or demand.

finally, if she isn't into it, there may be other things, like advanced prostate massage that she might be able to get into to rock your world. Again, I would suggest she explores the Ruby Rider women's guide to pegging podcast

Ruby Ryder's Pegging Paradise

Good luck.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
708 Posts
She has mentioned in bed once or twice if I wanted her to do it she would but I want her to be happy or want to do and that it wouldn't be just a case that she is doing it to keep me happy - if her heart isn't in it it won't be what I would hope it to be if that makes sense? I would prefer for her not to be grossed out by it but excited by it.

Any ideas on how I could sell this better?? And also any idea how to go forward with it if she does agree??

It sounds like she's already agreed. I think you are asking too much by having an expectation of how excited she might feel about it.

She's willing. Go out and buy the strap on and some lube, and give it to her. As long as you aren't forcing her, then I think you should drop other expectation. The reality is she probably won't know how she feels about it, until she does it. If you wait for her to crave it, you are never going to get it.
 

·
Administrator
Joined
·
44,529 Posts
IrishMuss,


I merged your two threads as they are about the same topic. You will get better input with only one thread on a topic.
 
1 - 20 of 35 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top