Hi Athena
I wrote this in another thread, that epic Alpha one, so apologies if you've already seen it.
I'm not doing that anymore, even to myself. It's been interesting over the last couple of weeks to notice how often I fall into negative thinking patterns about him, even though previously I would have said I adored almost everything about him. I'm trying to notice them and stop them immediately, reminding myself it's not helpful.
As I said, it's only been a short time, and it could be a coincidence, but I have noticed my husband being more open, more loving, doing more of the things I wanted him to do, like bringing me my favourite ice cream as a surprise, spontaneously cuddling me in the kitchen and we've been having lots of sex.
You said you were basically happy, so maybe this approach might be useful. Obviously I wouldn't recommend it in a seriously troubled marriage. I got a lot of ideas from some of Mavash's posts about her husband, they might help you too. Just do a search on her username, or shoot her a pm.
I wrote this in another thread, that epic Alpha one, so apologies if you've already seen it.
I don't know if any of this applies to your situation. But it's my perspective on loving my husband without wanting him to change. Loving him as is. I'm lucky in that he is actually fantastic, but obviously not perfect and sometimes I've thought I wish he'd read this or that, or I wish he'd do things differently.
I'm not doing that anymore, even to myself. It's been interesting over the last couple of weeks to notice how often I fall into negative thinking patterns about him, even though previously I would have said I adored almost everything about him. I'm trying to notice them and stop them immediately, reminding myself it's not helpful.
As I said, it's only been a short time, and it could be a coincidence, but I have noticed my husband being more open, more loving, doing more of the things I wanted him to do, like bringing me my favourite ice cream as a surprise, spontaneously cuddling me in the kitchen and we've been having lots of sex.
You said you were basically happy, so maybe this approach might be useful. Obviously I wouldn't recommend it in a seriously troubled marriage. I got a lot of ideas from some of Mavash's posts about her husband, they might help you too. Just do a search on her username, or shoot her a pm.