Oh for heaven's sake. "Women" are not all the same. We are not all cut from the same cookie cutter. MANY of us love our husbands, are GGG. Just because your wife is not into you does not mean that "women" aren't into their husbands.
Agree with most of this, but the implied message that no BJ's = "she's not into you", not so much.
I, again, think that men or women who do not give oral sex as a standalone act, can be just as into their partners as those who do.
What it comes down to, I truly believe, is that some people are just not built to give, unless there's a quantifiable and immediate return. Couple that with (real, or imagined) feelings of being used, and it'll never happen without a real and honest personality change.
So for people like me, who do not need an immediate ROI, and who are also primarily "givers", doing things like standalone oral sex is perfectly fine.
For people like my wife, who does need a visible and immediate return, and who is neither giver nor taker, standalone oral sex just won't happen.
I could talk to her until I'm blue in the face about how, if she were to do that once in a while, of her own accord, the overall benefits to our relationship (sexual or otherwise) would be visible. But if it is not an immediate return (ie. we have sex, she orgasms), then she has no interest.
Part of it is due, at least in her case, to feeling that it is a somewhat degrading act, if not returned. I can't argue with that, and I'd be a fool to try to. Part of it is due to the fact that, although she enjoys receiving oral sex, orgasms from it, etc. it is not enough for her on it's own - she needs PIV. So giving and receiving oral sex with each other, in the same session, with nothing else, is not going to happen either. For her, oral sex is only foreplay for me, or occasionally the finishing move. There is no oral sex, given or received, without their being PIV as well.
In my case, this issue has nothing to do with my wife "not being into me". What it IS, is my wife not being a giver OR a taker (she won't accept me giving her oral sex unless there's PIV, either).
For what it's worth, I actually think that partners who used to, regularly, give oral sex but who no longer do (and often make excuses for it), are the ones who are "not into" their partners. At one point, he/she was not just willing, but into, providing their partners with pleasure this way, and likely received a great deal of pleasure by doing so. Then it stops.
But others, like my wife, just never were from the get-go. Maybe it's the way she was raised, maybe she had some bad experiences with it, who knows? Oral sex, especially by women, on men, CAN be very degrading, and I am willing to bet that many women have had bad experiences with it. From having a boyfriend push your head down to his crotch, to even overhearing a group of men/boys talking about how "so-and-so sucked my **** last night" followed by high fives, and talk of what a w***e she is.
Furthermore, the culture we live in these days, especially with the younger generation at the moment, is that oral sex isn't "sex" and that it's perfectly normal and acceptable, and casual, even expected. It almost means nothing to the current generation of teens and early 20's. As many of these young women grow up, they will suddenly have the realization that oral sex actually IS sex. By that point, they may have had sex with 1 or 2 people, but given oral sex to 10 or 20. And they're probably not going to feel very good about that (or they might, if they have a healthy attitude towards sex). But by the point that they're ready to settle down, get married, etc., standalone oral sex (or even at all) will have been correlated with casual encounters and an overall negative vibe.
To make a long story short (sorry) - oral sex is one of those acts that gets vilified and has a stigma attached to it, especially as far as women and younger girls are concerned. We men, while younger, tend to make it out to be a non-loving act, sexual in nature only, something that we'll accept from virtually any girl, including those that we wouldn't have sex with. That's the reality, whether we like it or not.
When I was 17, a girl gave me a BJ in my car once. I didn't ask her to do this. I had driven her home one night so she didn't have to take the bus. I didn't expect or imply any return for the favour, and more importantly, if she had verbally offered as a way of thanking me, I would have declined. In retrospect, it was clearly her way of thanking me for the lift, but because she did not imply this, I happily accepted. Now, my point is that this was not a girl I would have had sex with, let alone dated. Oral sex was literally the only thing I would have accepted from her. If she invited me into her house to "thank me", I would have declined. If she had tried to have sex with me, I would have declined. If she had specifically said "I'm going to blow you because you gave me a ride", I would have declined. Yet I happily accepted it from her because she just did it. I was 17. But even then, at age 17, if there had been a verbal or otherwise obvious implication on her part that this was BECAUSE I did something for her, I wouldn't have let it happen. I'm sure that girl has long since forgotten that act, however if this was something she did many other times for the same reasons around that age, then it's highly possible that she has negative connotations derived from it. Or she may not, of course. It may be empowering to her, I don't know. But not all people are the same, and I could understand if that particular girl has an aversion to performing oral sex as a standalone act now, in adulthood.
So imagine you're a young girl, and you do things like this (or it is occasionally expected from you). Once you mature and realize that this is not something you "have" to do, or that many men will treat you with respect even if you don't give them BJ's in the car, then it becomes a negative in many respects.
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