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Some people just get crushed over and over.
That is their due, right or wrong, just or not.Some people just get crushed over and over.
You have a very short post compared to most, which of course means I have to ask you more details. So to start...Been in a relationship for 5 years and have 2 children. A year ago I found out he had cheated on me 6 months prior. Of course I was horrified and wanted to just end things. However after he finally admitted to what he had done and had apologised I decided that we would try and work it out. However I am struggling with moving forward due to the fact I feel at times hes still doing it and it took until I found the information for him to admit he had done it. I love him and would like it to work just unsure if I will ever get over the pain and would like some insight if anyone has gone through similar and moved past it 🙂
Oh, he's throwing you the old "therapy" bone, is he? That's another bargaining chip cheaters use when they want to placate you and can't offer you anything else. His therapist will give him some excuse she pulls out of the air about how he was neglected/abused/ignored/bullied/ridiculed in his childhood and that's why he did it.Thankyou 🙂
Hes beginning therapy to try and fix what is broken inside himself to better understand why he done it. He's been quite open and honest about it lately. My problem just seems to be if after a year im no closer to trusting or forgiving him will I ever be
yes I felt like that for 20 years from my late 20's to my late 40's. I think what kept me going was a) my children needed me and b) a glimmer of hope that one day things would improve.Some people just get crushed over and over.
I think most of the time the bigger problem is the lying after getting caught. What did he do, and how much lying did he do after you caught him? Cheating almost always is a selfish decision. I wouldn't say that he is "broken" just because he cheated. I guess it depends on what you consider "broken" means. People do all kinds of selfish things, think only of themselves, hide their bad behavior, and lie. They know if they tell the truth they'll have some consequences. People cheated on tests when I was in school. When they got caught, they lied about it. I don't recall anyone saying they are "broken" and need counseling. Of course, some did, but there was something else, some other factors, too. Why do you think counseling will help? What is his brokenness, and how will therapy fix that? Does he share with you what is going on at his counseling?Been in a relationship for 5 years and have 2 children. A year ago I found out he had cheated on me 6 months prior. Of course I was horrified and wanted to just end things. However after he finally admitted to what he had done and had apologised I decided that we would try and work it out. However I am struggling with moving forward due to the fact I feel at times hes still doing it and it took until I found the information for him to admit he had done it. I love him and would like it to work just unsure if I will ever get over the pain and would like some insight if anyone has gone through similar and moved past it 🙂
Thank you, it was when I met my husband.I'm glad it finally turned around for you.
Another way cheaters excuse their behaviour and get 'therapy' is by claiming a sex addiction. Then they can say its not their fault, like Tiger Woods. Cheating is a choice, no one forces you.Oh, he's throwing you the old "therapy" bone, is he? That's another bargaining chip cheaters use when they want to placate you and can't offer you anything else. His therapist will give him some excuse she pulls out of the air about how he was neglected/abused/ignored/bullied/ridiculed in his childhood and that's why he did it.
He knows damned well why he did it. He did it because he wanted to, he wanted sexual variety, and because the opportunity came up and he jumped on it. He'll never admit that to YOU, however. No, he'll stick to whatever manufactured excuse his therapist will feed him.
It drives me crazy when women can't face the truth about why these men cheat, and instead, need some bogus excuse from a therapist for why their husband cheated to make them feel better that it was some emotional or mental disorder or issue that drove them to it.
The simple truth is, most of them do it because they WANT to.
I understand you wan to work it out, however I just have a couple of thoughts for you to consider.Been in a relationship for 5 years and have 2 children. A year ago I found out he had cheated on me 6 months prior. Of course I was horrified and wanted to just end things. However after he finally admitted to what he had done and had apologised I decided that we would try and work it out. However I am struggling with moving forward due to the fact I feel at times hes still doing it and it took until I found the information for him to admit he had done it. I love him and would like it to work just unsure if I will ever get over the pain and would like some insight if anyone has gone through similar and moved past it 🙂
The pain will be there whether you divorce or try to work it out. But when you stay after cheating, the pain is more in your face because you are with him every day - it's a constant reminder.Been in a relationship for 5 years and have 2 children. A year ago I found out he had cheated on me 6 months prior. Of course I was horrified and wanted to just end things. However after he finally admitted to what he had done and had apologised I decided that we would try and work it out. However I am struggling with moving forward due to the fact I feel at times hes still doing it and it took until I found the information for him to admit he had done it. I love him and would like it to work just unsure if I will ever get over the pain and would like some insight if anyone has gone through similar and moved past it 🙂
Thankyou. Im glad it worked out for you. Hopefully in time it can for me too.The pain will be there whether you divorce or try to work it out. But when you stay after cheating, the pain is more in your face because you are with him every day - it's a constant reminder.
Everyone's emotions are their own. While I can relate to your pain I can't feel it the same way.
In my case, her affair was not physical, but it was with a friend we both knew and the hurt was massive. It took me about 3 years to get to a point where I wasn't wondering what she was doing or thinking. And honestly, our marriage is in a much better place now than it was even before the affair. But those 3 years were awful. We had a lot more time together pre-affair than you - we were married 15 years, so some really deep investments for both of us to attempt to heal and see if we could move forward. It worked out for us, but it often doesn't.
If you still love him and feel you can eventually trust him again, then maybe it's worth sticking out another year. But if you just don't think you ever could, I'd bail now. It will speed up your healing and allow you to work on your future much more quickly.
I want to try and work through things.@humorousDog3258 What do YOU want? Do you want to reconcile with him?
How did you find out about the affair?
Has he gone no contact with his affair partner?
Are you both in counselling?
Up until recently he used his mental health as his reason. However lately he has been very open and honest about the fact he made this decision and it was a mistake. He does have mental health issues he needs to address and thats what he's seeking counselling for. He finally seems remorseful and wanting to genuinely fix things. Just wanted to see how long I should give the trust issue a go before I should consider maybe it just isn't going to work.I too am always amused when cheaters offer the therapy card, to "fix" themselves. Oh please, you cheated because you CHOSE to do so. No. Other. Reason.
Not sure I could forgive and move on with them in a healthy way. Trust is SO important in marriage, and once it's broken...hmmmmm. People do recover from it, but they're in the minority and it takes years of hard slog to do.