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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
He sends me texts of our son or whatever and I don't have closure on how the affair happened or anything so I keep getting angry at him. I can't stop hurting or crying. I"" starting to hate my therapist because her approach is to embrace e pain and he is a good person too and I'm not able to do the former and don't believe the latter. A good person doesn't do this. And now he keeps blaming me. For everything. And pointing out all these things he doesn't like. I know it's to justify his affair but how do I get it to stop from hurting? I hurt so so bad I don't want to go on. Only thing stopping me from just dying is I don.t want that loser to single handedly raise my son to be a **** like him. How do I deal wi the hurt????especially when he couldn't care less that he hurt me and keep pretending to be taking the moral high ground?
 

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This sucks. There's nothing you can do to stop the pain. It will simply take time. And a lot of it. I'm so sorry you're going through this. This is definitely the worst pain you will ever have to experience. Hold on and don't let go of us.
 

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I know I'm joining a big club and that just breaks my heart. Why do people think this is ok? And why do other sympathize with them?
Because most therapists are slipping into post-modernism, and one of the tenets of post modernism is that there is no objective truth which means there is no objective right or wrong. In their eyes there are actions that cause pain to others but these are not necessarily wrong.
 
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I know I'm joining a big club and that just breaks my heart. Why do people think this is ok? And why do other sympathize with them?
Really, unless it ever happens to them, they have no way of completely understanding how badly it hurts. Think of it like this, even though we men know that having a baby is painful, unless we can actually go through the experience, we can never say, I know what you're going through, right?

Your husband obviously doesn't get it.

T
 
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I have come to believe the lack of remorse is, in a sense, a defense tactic. Convincing oneself that they have done nothing wrong is a way to deflect the guilt. At some point you may be able to sympathize with your husband. That isn't now. I suggest you change therapists.

I would also suggest you try to work through some of this anger, Anger has a way of infecting everything within our minds. I am not saying that your anger isn't justified. I am saying for your own peace of mind, it might help.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I think I am angry because there are a million decisions to be made and the only one he has made is to cheat and not care how I feel. I have to file, have to get a job, a place to live, etc. I've also come to the conclusion that throughout our marriage all he ever did was make me believe things were wrong with me and withhold affection. It's hard to realize I've been living with a jerk the whole time and just didn't know it..I think once I file-and I hope to do so this week- that I will have finality and the anger will subside.
 
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