Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 20 of 27 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I need your help and guidance on how I can connnect back with my Hubby.

We are in marriage relationship for more than 10 years. In this 10 years, I had 3 affairs which has completely destroyed my marriage.

Now that I have realized it, I want to fix my marriage with my husband. I have no connection with my affair partners since last 2 years and working on rebuilding my marriage with my spouse.

The guilt and shame has overruled me so much that I am loosing connection with my own self and not able to connect with my hubby. I love him but not sure how to revive those feelings that I had for him during our courtship.

I want this marriage to work for us. I do not want him to leave me and our 5 year old daughter. I know I have messed up big time but now will like to do anything to revive our relationship.

I appreciate your advice and guidance on this.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,388 Posts
I think you should go into individiual counseling and figure out why on earth you would have 3 affairs in a 10 year marriage.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
877 Posts
I think you should go into individiual counseling and figure out why on earth you would have 3 affairs in a 10 year marriage.
Husband should be in counseling too.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,306 Posts
He knows?

What has he said over the past 2 years?

Is the daughter his? (If you are SURE, get a DNA test. If you aren't...you're sh*t out of luck...)

IMO, this is the wrong question. The question is why should he want to connect with YOU!

This wasn't said to be mean. I mean the reason you aren't connecting is he (may) see you as a sunk cost. Years and cash thrown away so you can be a slvt for someone else. What exactly is in it for him?

That he hasn't walked is amazing. How does he act? What is his rationalization for NOT walking?
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
918 Posts
I need your help and guidance on how I can connnect back with my Hubby.

We are in marriage relationship for more than 10 years. In this 10 years, I had 3 affairs which has completely destroyed my marriage.

Now that I have realized it, I want to fix my marriage with my husband. I have no connection with my affair partners since last 2 years and working on rebuilding my marriage with my spouse.

The guilt and shame has overruled me so much that I am loosing connection with my own self and not able to connect with my hubby. I love him but not sure how to revive those feelings that I had for him during our courtship.

I want this marriage to work for us. I do not want him to leave me and our 5 year old daughter. I know I have messed up big time but now will like to do anything to revive our relationship.

I appreciate your advice and guidance on this.
Do yourself and your husband a favour and end the marriage.

If you really love him, you'll come back together - but I doubt it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Discussion Starter #8
Thanks everyone for your input.

I am not looking for ending this marriage. I am looking for ways to connect back. Yes, we had love between us when we started our marriage 10 years back but in day to day life it got transferred into blame, arguments, hatred...

I know I became emotionally unavailable to him and seeked pleasure outside of marriage. I should have stayed strong and asked for more attention and love.

My affairs are over since last 2 years and now only thing I am doing is to connect back with him. I have been to counsellor also to understand what was driving me to cheat on him. I have not got the answer yet.

Regarding my daughter, that is our daughter as I had become pregnant after ending my 2 affairs. I know any of my apologies have no meaning but I would still try till I can to save this relationship.

I appreciate your advice and suggestions.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Discussion Starter #10
Yes, he knows about my affairs. He caught me red handed during my last affair and it took almost 3 months for me after that discivery to tell about all my affairs pre and post marriage. I opened up to him completely.

Yes, the shame and guilt is killing me everyday since then but i understand he is also hurt. I am the one who messed it so now i need to fix it.

I have been trying staying positive since last 2 years to make things work. I know it takes time and i will wait.

I need to know how to convince my husband on staying in this marriage and start reconciliation.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,306 Posts
Has he given any evidence that he's going to walk or is this more a matter of trying a new way to 'fix' things?

You haven't mentioned what he has done or said in the last two years.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
634 Posts
Have you guys gone to MC? It might sound horrible, but not everything can be fixed. And a lot of men have a hard time forgiving their WWs. You have to realize that not only did he catch you in an affair, but it then took you three months to tell him about the others. You basically informed him that the marriage was a complete sham.

As a BS, we reserve the right to leave the marriage at any time we want to. You need to sit down with your husband and ask what HE needs from you. The days of you wanting and being selfish must end here and now.

Can you please elaborate on what else went down after you Dday?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,207 Posts
Number one, I don't think you can regain the same feelings you had during courtship. When things are new in a relationship you can't expect that type of feeling to remain.

Life gets in the way and feelings evolve into a different but stronger type of love. Far too many people think that being "in love" or having a connection means feeling the same way they did when they first hooked up. That is not reality.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,262 Posts
I hope you both are in MC, Remember you killed the marriage. If you R it will be building a new relationship and a new marriage. As far as connecting are you living under the same roof? are you having sex? are you doing everything you can to show him you are being faithful?

The big question do you want to fix the marriage for the daughter sake? or for yours?
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,140 Posts
I need your help and guidance on how I can connnect back with my Hubby.

We are in marriage relationship for more than 10 years. In this 10 years, I had 3 affairs which has completely destroyed my marriage.

Now that I have realized it, I want to fix my marriage with my husband. I have no connection with my affair partners since last 2 years and working on rebuilding my marriage with my spouse.

The guilt and shame has overruled me so much that I am loosing connection with my own self and not able to connect with my hubby. I love him but not sure how to revive those feelings that I had for him during our courtship.

I want this marriage to work for us. I do not want him to leave me and our 5 year old daughter. I know I have messed up big time but now will like to do anything to revive our relationship.

I appreciate your advice and guidance on this.
Does your BH know about the affairs?

How did BH find out?

Do you work with any OM or live near any OM?

Get the book Surviving An Affair by Dr Harley. It will guide you through recovery and restoring feelings for BH.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,719 Posts
If he hasn't come around after 2 years he's probably done and only in it for the kid(s). He still might come around eventually but I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for it.

Might be time for a sit down and just get everything out there and see where that will take the both of you.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,306 Posts
If he hasn't come around after 2 years he's probably done and only in it for the kid(s). He still might come around eventually but I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for it.

Might be time for a sit down and just get everything out there and see where that will take the both of you.
I dunno. Ask Wazza. He took a while.

But he doesn't seem to be WALKING.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,273 Posts
I think this is the same poster who had a thread about the same subject earlier. They are both from India and live in Britain, one Christian, the other Sikh? Am I right?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,273 Posts
If this is the same person, then her husband completely shut-down from life, he doesn't want to work anymore, he doesn't want to go to counseling, he reads a lot and wants to stay at home, reclusive. (He wasn't that way before D-Day.)

Also, when she tells him to get a job, his response is kick me out.

I believe he needs to get a grip on himself and start making the hard choices.

T
 
  • Like
Reactions: Acabado
1 - 20 of 27 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top