[calvin]

Ask her if she is being honest,she will say yes of course.
Then tell her you want to see everything on her phone,if she refuses or gives excuses you have your answer.
I hate to say it but she has another man.
Keep up the work with going dark on her,she doesnt like that and there is a reason why.
You are her fallback guy,she is trying to keep you on a leash in case she needs you.
You are the back up plan,dont let yourself be that.
Do whatever you have to so you can see what is on her phone.
She is bullshitting you.

 

[oldshirt]

it must be a phrase that gets passed around from toxic friend to toxic friend, or pushed in women's magazines.....they all seem to know the words.

as far as the poor OP getting pilloried here for being beta...hey, it is who he is. we all feel sorry for the situation he is in, but a lot of the things suggested here...he is simply not going to be able to do.

If i ever saw a guy who was better set up to become a cuckold....it is the OP. he might enjoy that sort of lifestyle, and get a few more years of marriage out of her before they finally divorce. the story plays like a cuckold story already: "i read her smart watch about her giving the guy a BJ, and not regretting it. i was jealous, but turned on at the same time....and knowing her girlfriend knew all about it made me more turned on"

I don't think it will be anything that glamorous or titillating.

He's already checked out. She's already moving on,, at least emotionally and sexually.

What I foresee in his demeanor and response is they will both just kind of keep on maintaining the status quo and not rock the boat too much so as not to disturb their quiet and peaceful domestic life.

They will each pay lip service to "working on it" but each will continue doing their own thing including her banging other dudes and him trying to talk to her about the weather and when her car is due for a an oil change.

The first few dudes she gets with may not want her full time and so she'll stay in the marital home safe and sound for the time being while she loses weight and updates her wardrobe and gets her financial affairs in order.

I have the feeling he is much more detached and complacent however and he just kind of keeps on keeping on thinking that they are "working on it" and doesn't really do much of anything in the preparation for what is about to go down.

In time, whether it be weeks, months or even a year or so, she will find a dude that will take her full time and on a tuesday evening, like any other day, she will hand him a stack of papers and show him which lines to sign and which to initial and let him know that the movers will be there to get her stuff the next day.

My bet is that this will end with a whimper and not a roar.

 

[Casual Observer]

It was literally a month ago, everything is fresh in my mind.

I was going through my own ****. I just didn't realize what it was doing to my wife. This is why I'm blaming myself for that part, but not for her infidelity.

So... why didn't you leave when you got the "I'm not in love with you anymore" speech? Why didn't you consider that was a red flag, that she was giving herself permission to step out?

Are you hoping that the "fact" that it "stopped" at being "just" a blow job indicates guilt and remorse on her part, a sudden realization that she screwed up, actually does value your marriage, does love you after all?

If so, then go the lie detector route. But before that, decide what you can, and can't, live with. A lot of guys here are telling you you're an emabarssment to the male gender. Yeah, well, you are. But it's up to you to decide your values, your bondaries. Not us.

Yet... you came here. Why?

 

[Talker67]

So... why didn't you leave when you got the "I'm not in love with you anymore" speech? Why didn't you consider that was a red flag, that she was giving herself permission to step out?

He did not have us to translate cheater speak into a language he understood

 

[Davit Bek]

They are only attractive on a lifestyle level....Those guys will almost always get cheated on or dumped eventually...Those are the women giving starfish sex, so they can keep the Land Rover and the shore house....The minute she gets a chance to crack, she'll be swinging from the chandelier with another guy that makes her wet...

Hamadryad TAM forum.2022...

Again I agree with some of what you said. First, I don't think it's always the lifestyle they are attracted to, rather the competence that allows someone to create that lifestyle. Anyone who's worked out there (including and specially women) knows how hard it is to earn a great living. A competent engineer (even a docile one) has at least his competence going for him.

Where I agree is not that they'll get dumped or cheated but rather that women will feel less attraction and they'll have a marriage that has less or no romance, making them more likely to dump the husband. Some men and women stay together because of their history/children...Whether someone stays or leaves I find has a lot to do with the culture they grew up with and how much they value their history/children vs. their own thrill/sexlife.

Lastly, whether someone cheats is dependent on the person's character which should be immune to changing circumstances. A faithful person isn't only faithful during the good times, as that's no longer faithfulness. It's just an act. While marriage doesn't guarantee romance, it should at least guarantee faithfulness. I wouldn't want someone who acts like a faithful person when everything is right as that is not her true character.

 

[manfromlamancha]

In the words of Mr. Mercury ... another one bites the dust!

 

[ConanHub]

@Panik_HeavyHeart ,

I hope you are still here and maybe you could respond.

Do you feel you have any self worth?

Your posts make it seem that you see yourself as far less than your wife.

 

[Ragnar Ragnasson]

Not really the response I was after, but I figured I'd see a couple of them. And I understand them completely. Trust me - I thought about the same thing. How could I be ready to just forgive and move on? It's because I still love my wife. I still have a hope that we can move past this.

As for the other guy - he did regret it afterwards (like I said, I had seen the convos). It was a heat of the moment thing.

Which is why I'm willing to forgive. Yes - she says she didn't regret it at the time but that was immediately afterwards. I don't know how she's feeling now about it. It only happened the once (due to work schedules they haven't been able to get back together).

You say you're ok with the guy, because he said he regretted it???

Dude, I don't even know how to answer that beyond wtf. That's just wrong and calls for ass whipping in any language.

 

[BigDaddyNY]

You say you're ok with the guy, because he said he regretted it???

Dude, I don't even know how to answer that beyond wtf. That's just wrong and calls for ass whipping in any language.

Yeah, he didn't mean to put his **** in her mouth. Must have just accidently found it's way in there, so sorry.

 

[thunderchad]

If your wife cheats you leave her and never look back. You'll bounce back and find a younger, hotter woman who will have some loyalty.

 

[346745]

Testosterone my man, try it. You'll like it.

Until you pull your testicles out of your wife's purse and grow a spine, I have nothing for you because, though your wife and her boyfriend are being vile, backstabbing cheaters, you are making yourself too attractive a target for it.

She can pretty much do whatever she wants and she apparently knows it being with you.

I'll be forever amazed at men like you, who have their wives disrespecting them, treating them like garbage and rewriting history along with having sex with their boyfriends and not only enjoying it but feeling no regret at all about it and disrespecting you further by talking to her friends about it.

Your children are being given terrible templates that will impact their adult lives by seeing a disrespectful, skank of a mom walking all over their weak, pushover dad.

You might want to try reading "No More Mr. Nice Guy" but aside from that, I don't think you have a prayer.

Now that great song by Alice Cooper is in my head. Seriously, our troubled guy needs to grow a pair.

 

[thunderchad]

While this may be an unpopular opinion, men and women cannot be friends without things like this happening. It's playing with fire. A woman should not be 'hanging out' with other men without you there for exactly this reason. It also goes both ways. Would your wife appreciate you hanging out with younger beautiful women?

 

[Djani1979]

Wow! Just wow! WTF man? Realy? What a horror story. I must ask you,why are you so passive?

 

[Killi]

Am I the only one that think the thread look like it was made by someone with a cuckold fantasy

 

[OddOne]

Am I the only one that think the thread look like it was made by someone with a cuckold fantasy

One which he ran off to live, and he hasn't been back since.

 

[MattMatt]

@Panik_HeavyHeart hasn't been back in 15 days. the day he joined. I hope he is going to be OK.