Did she kiss you when she got home from his house after she sucked him off? If she did, think about that for a moment and how much respect she has for you. She doesn't even regret it. Wait till you confront and she is oh so sorry, you'll know she is more of a liar than she already is.Hi all, I'm new to this. I recently found out (only within the past month) my wife has been sexting other guys, and on one occasion was actually at another guys house "with him". She went under the pretense of helping him clean his house because he was going through a tough time (he's single, has kids of his own, but was cheated on himself). I know the OM, I'm not "friends" with him per se, but I know him to talk to him.
Long story short, the night she came home from his house, we were in bed and I got up to get a drink. She has a smartwatch that she had left on the edge of the fireplace. I noticed it vibrating so I picked it up to move it and had noticed FB messages from one of her girlfriends asking "describing" questions about what had happened.. Very descriptive questions so I knew something was up. I checked her facebook from my computer since she's logged in and sure enough.. She gave the guy a BJ and "didn't regret what happened", "she'd never done anything like that in her marriage before", and "it was nice seeing a different **** after so many years".
She doesn't know that I know. I did screenshot all the convos with the OM and her girlfriend about the encounter..
On top of that, before any of this happened (about a month before) she had told me she only felt like we were roommates and friends. She loved me but wasn't in love. It was mostly my fault for this part as I myself was emotionally distant for years, and was oblivious to what it was doing to her. We do have 3 kids together so I have to think about them in all of this. I told her at that point I was commited to changing myself for her to be better. So I'm dealing with the stress of trying to reconcile, on top of finding out she also betrayed me like this.
I can't really be angry at her. I wasn't there for a long time emotionally so she feels checked out. I'm at a point now where I do want to forgive her and hopefully move on with my own healing. Prior to finding this other stuff out I was working on improving myself. After finding out about what she did I feel like I'm back to square one. I still try to put on a happy face to try to reconcile, but I don't know how to confront her about the other stuff.
I want to let her know what I know, but I don't know what the best approach is.
My other thing is.. Do I confront the OM? Like I know we'll cross paths at some point (small town). I'm not mad at him. He was also going through a bunch of his own **** (I know it's no excuse).
I want to let him know I don't hold a grudge (and it is the truth), but I want to let him know how I'm feeling. I want to forgive and move on. I'm just so lost right now I can't keep my head on straight.
I can see it though, you will just roll over and take it like a good doormat.