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Hi Everyone,

I am new here so let me first say hello. I had been with my girlfriend for over a year through the normal ups and downs. We have both been through some trouble in the past year (me getting laid off, her losing significant family members), but through it all we managed to be there for each other and work things out. In the past, she had suggested couples counseling which I agreed to go to, but when I brought it up, it never happened. A couple weeks ago, she said that things needed to change (meaning she needed more from me) and that she believed in the relationship and that we would make it work together. Out of nowhere on Monday she first tells me she thinks its time to go our separate ways. She mentioned that she thinks we want different things and that we're at different places in our lives. During the conversation, I mentioned that there is nothing more I want than to begin a life with her and to have a family. Also, throughout our time together, I've grown-up a lot and made some real changes. I stopped my out of control spending, have totally paid off my credit cards and began saving for my future. Throughout the past 6 months or so, I’ve realized its time to finally grow up and take some accountability. Throughout my life, there was one 'dream' I always wanted. After a lot of hard work, I have finally been able to make that dream happen for a few weeks. However, the closer I got to that 'dream' and after some soul searching, the more I realized it wasn’t what I truly wanted deep down. The closer I got to everything I thought I wanted, I realized the dream I wanted was the build my life and start a family together with her. When I told her that, she started crying and told me she just needs a break. When I asked her if she still loved me, she said 'yes' and that she would never find anyone as good as me. Also, she promised that once I got back at the end of the month, we could talk, she wouldn’t make any guarantees, but we would talk about things. I don’t know if it’s the fact that she has a big birthday coming up and is going through a mini mid-life crisis or what, but I am just shocked. She’s had some problems come up at work and has been dealing with a lot of stress due to some other problems lately. I spoke with a relationship councilor today who has seen these types of problems in the past and thinks she can help. The problem is...how do I bring this up to her? I've been giving her space all week, but eventually want to bring this up to her in order to make things work. Anyone have an idea of when an appropriate time might be to have this discussion?

Thanks!!
 

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I think one of the most important things is to not make it out to be that there is something wrong with her, but rather this is one of the many options out there to help both of you get what you want. If she hears in her mind that there is something wrong with her she will most certainly not want to go. Make it as much as you can about having someone who is not emotionally attached to the issue offer some practical solutions. Counseling is oftern misconstrued to be a gripe session or battle. Offer to let her have a hand in the decision of who to go to. Also give her the option of going to several different people to find one that you both feel comfortable with. Sometimes for even the most open-minded people it takes some time to find the right fit.
 

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I think that it is great that you are willing to go to counseling. Alot of times people don't try to make it work first. I would definently mention it. When you do I would say that you really would like to try to figure out what is wrong in the relationship so that she and you can be happy and that you would really like to try some counseling before you both just give up on the relationship. Good luck to you both. I hope it all works out.
 
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