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How to 180 while living together?

1636 Views 4 Replies 2 Participants Last post by  OutofEnergy, 
O
Hi all. 11 years married, 3 weeks separated. 2 kids. We thought it would be a good idea to separate for a while so she she could "work on herself" and "be a better mom." The kids always come first and are doing great. No mention about being a better wife.

Last night I told her I'm moving back in because I miss the kids and it's my house and I didn't do anything wrong. I have been a great parent and husband while she has spent the last 3 years hanging out with friends, and not giving her family much attention. She blames me because I have not met her emotional needs and she constantly felt rejected.

She was really enjoying be there without me and didn't like how I "demanded" that I move back in to my house. Now that I am back in the house, how do I best implement the 180?

I do want to save the marriage and I love her more than anything, but it takes two, and if she is not willing to change too then she go packing.

I have a feeling the stress of me being there will be too much for her. Not me, I'm glad to be at my house again. I think she will be miserable. What do you guys think? Be nice and cordial, continue doing ALL of the housework, or put my foot down and man up? I'm really confused and I'm not good at playing these mind games.

Oh yeah, she has an internet "friend" and I demanded she stop talking to him. She agreed but I told her I don't trust her.

She did say one day she will be able to forgive me. For what I have no idea. I have been a great father, the bread winner, and I have done 90% of the housework for 3 years while she was gallivanting with her friends. She is 37 and I am 38.

What do you guys think?
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Think you made a mistake moving back in there buddy.

It isn't sounding like it is going over well already and it is bringing in a caustic environment for hte children.

I have a beautiful home, professionally remodelled, exquisitely designed, big flat-corner lot, wonderful neighbourhood, trees, gardens..the EX and kids live there..I live in a 62 year old apartment with silver-fish and rusty water in the taps. The smell of pot and the screams of crack heads at night greet my dreams.

Sorry, but bulldozing your way back into what you feel is yours by right doesn't seem to be a pratical or productive way of dealign with separation.
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dumpedandhappy said:
Think you made a mistake moving back in there buddy.

It isn't sounding like it is going over well already and it is bringing in a caustic environment for hte children.

I have a beautiful home, professionally remodelled, exquisitely designed, big flat-corner lot, wonderful neighbourhood, trees, gardens..the EX and kids live there..I live in a 62 year old apartment with silver-fish and rusty water in the taps. The smell of pot and the screams of crack heads at night greet my dreams.

Sorry, but bulldozing your way back into what you feel is yours by right doesn't seem to be a pratical or productive way of dealign with separation.
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Thanks for the feedback. You might be right but an attorney I spoke with said that if I don't move back in I will forfeit my right to primary custody, if it comes to that.
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Oh..I see custody. Gotcha.
You must be in the US.

Bit different here in the North.

My attorny also said I had every right ot live there, but that the courts would favour my actions of preventing the domestic scene from deteriorating.

I also established immediatly that the kids would come and visit me regularily.

I cannot begin to understand what overcomes soem, but at least for my EX and I we don't involve the kids in any of the separation or divorce...well, nothing significant anyway. We both respect each other as parents. No contest there.
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dumpedandhappy said:
Oh..I see custody. Gotcha.
You must be in the US.

Bit different here in the North.

My attorny also said I had every right ot live there, but that the courts would favour my actions of preventing the domestic scene from deteriorating.

I also established immediatly that the kids would come and visit me regularily.

I cannot begin to understand what overcomes soem, but at least for my EX and I we don't involve the kids in any of the separation or divorce...well, nothing significant anyway. We both respect each other as parents. No contest there.
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Yes sir. Always the kids come first. They are loving all the attention. We don't want to hurt them with our issues.
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