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Discussion Starter #1
I've written on here before, but now I have another question. My husband and I have been separated for a month now. It's not a legal separation and he is paying for my rent and living expenses for my daughter (16 months old) and I. Should I open a separate bank account? He has said that he "needs time" doesn't know how much time and also doesn't know if he will ever want to be with me again. Also he's going away (by himself) somewhere for thanksgiving. Should I ask where so I have an extra contact in case I can't get a hold of him on his cell? This is all new to me and I don't want seem like I'm begging and blah blah blah. Thanks in advance for your answers.
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Don't ask him where is he going , if he doesn't tell you means he doesn't want you to know .

Own bank account sounds great . And everything you can think of to really separate from him.

Are you doing 180 ?
 

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Hey, sweet girl. :)

I remember you.

I hope you're doing well.

You should definitely separate your finances, to protect you and your little one.

I wouldn't ask his whereabouts.

It just makes you look clingy.

He'll answer his cell, if you need him.
 

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I've written on here before, but now I have another question. My husband and I have been separated for a month now. It's not a legal separation and he is paying for my rent and living expenses for my daughter (16 months old) and I. Should I open a separate bank account? He has said that he "needs time" doesn't know how much time and also doesn't know if he will ever want to be with me again. Also he's going away (by himself) somewhere for thanksgiving. Should I ask where so I have an extra contact in case I can't get a hold of him on his cell? This is all new to me and I don't want seem like I'm begging and blah blah blah. Thanks in advance for your answers.
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Are you working?

May I ask why he is paying for the rent / living expenses at this current moment?

What exactly is the set up financially.

If he is paying for these things right now, on what premise?

Could separating the bank accounts stop this from happening?

As for the Thanksgiving thing.

You could ask him for a number he can be reached at in the event of an emergency with your daughter.

If he doesn't want to give it up, do not persist and let it be.

At least your daughter has one caring parent and that's the only thing you have control over.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Don't ask him where is he going , if he doesn't tell you means he doesn't want you to know .

Own bank account sounds great . And everything you can think of to really separate from him.

Are you doing 180 ?
I've actually been doing 180 before I knew it existed. I really felt the need to release my husband from any obligations of being my husband simply because I don't want someone who doesn't want me (of course I still want him, but not on wrong terms) I began that in October. Do you know the average length of time before you see a change if ever?
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Hey, sweet girl. :)

I remember you.

I hope you're doing well.

You should definitely separate your finances, to protect you and your little one.

I wouldn't ask his whereabouts.

It just makes you look clingy.

He'll answer his cell, if you need him.
Yeah I've asked a few questions :) how are things with you? I like to know people's story but often times don't know where to find the begining on this site.
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I've actually been doing 180 before I knew it existed. I really felt the need to release my husband from any obligations of being my husband simply because I don't want someone who doesn't want me (of course I still want him, but not on wrong terms) I began that in October. Do you know the average length of time before you see a change if ever?


It is case by case , you know , depends of the person . In my case worked after 1 week.

Good luck , follow 180 and stay strong . He'll knock on you door soon , you'll see . He'll need his family after realizing the grass isn't greener out there. Be prepared .
 

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I've actually been doing 180 before I knew it existed. I really felt the need to release my husband from any obligations of being my husband simply because I don't want someone who doesn't want me (of course I still want him, but not on wrong terms) I began that in October. Do you know the average length of time before you see a change if ever?
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Change in who?

Your stbxh?

When / if they are ready, you will know.

Doing the 180 is about yourself though, waiting for him to come around because he noticed you do the 180 may not yield the results you are hoping for.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Are you working?

May I ask why he is paying for the rent / living expenses at this current moment?

What exactly is the set up financially.

If he is paying for these things right now, on what premise?

Could separating the bank accounts stop this from happening?

As for the Thanksgiving thing.

You could ask him for a number he can be reached at in the event of an emergency with your daughter.

If he doesn't want to give it up, do not persist and let it be.

At least your daughter has one caring parent and that's the only thing you have control over.[/QUOTE

I'll answer your questions one by one:

1. We have a 16 month old daughter and I wouldn't be able to stay home with her if I had to work. It is as if he's paying child support and alimony without getting it in paperwork (although I am keeping track of things on my own)

2. The set up financially is: rent, groceries for my daughter and I, gas and money for diapers and additional items I need for her.

3. There were no grounds set. We are both going to individual counseling and he is trying to "heal" from our relationship so that he can see me as who I am today and "maybe" be a couple again.

4. Yes the thought for asking is in case of an emergency and he needs to get back for our daughter. I got 2 "no's" and one "yes" from you. I'll stick with the no haha
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Yeah I've asked a few questions :) how are things with you? I like to know people's story but often times don't know where to find the begining on this site.
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My story used to be on here.

I'll pm you a reminder. ;)
 

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Discussion Starter #11
It is case by case , you know , depends of the person . In my case worked after 1 week.

Good luck , follow 180 and stay strong . He'll knock on you door soon , you'll see . He'll need his family after realizing the grass isn't greener out there. Be prepared .[/QUOTE

He's living with his aunt and uncle and I'm living with my parents. He doesn't acknowledge with changes in our daughter and sees it as whatever. Just that she is "pushing moments buttons". Is it one of those "take every little positive thing as a step forward"? Just don't my hopes up ya know? I have good and challenging days. Most days are good, just depends on how long I have to think haha
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Great idea, keeping records :) Paper trails make things easier down the road if need be.

What is the thought behind getting a separate account at this current time?

Does he give you money directly, or 'allow' it from the joint account?
 

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Discussion Starter #13
It is case by case , you know , depends of the person . In my case worked after 1 week.

Good luck , follow 180 and stay strong . He'll knock on you door soon , you'll see . He'll need his family after realizing the grass isn't greener out there. Be prepared .[/QUOTE

He's living with his aunt and uncle and I'm living with my parents. He doesn't acknowledge with changes in our daughter and sees it as whatever. Just that she is "pushing moments buttons". Is it one of those "take every little positive thing as a step forward"? Just don't my hopes up ya know? I have good and challenging days. Most days are good, just depends on how long I have to think haha
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Stupid auto correct hahaha. He sees it as "pushing mommy's buttons"
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By the way, on point four, of your post to Up...

I agree that it would be okay to ask for an additional number, but not his whereabouts.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
Change in who?

Your stbxh?

When / if they are ready, you will know.

Doing the 180 is about yourself though, waiting for him to come around because he noticed you do the 180 may not yield the results you are hoping for.
Change in our relationship. Yeah that's true about concentrating on myself. I lose track when I'm alone though. It's ok though. I'm usually good.
Regardless though, I don't ever mention anything to my husband about a bad day, I just cry after he picks up our daughter so he doesn't see.
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Change in our relationship. Yeah that's true about concentrating on myself. I lose track when I'm alone though. It's ok though. I'm usually good.
Regardless though, I don't ever mention anything to my husband about a bad day, I just cry after he picks up our daughter so he doesn't see.
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I said "though" a bunch of times haha. Sorry about my grammar.
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Change in our relationship. Yeah that's true about concentrating on myself. I lose track when I'm alone though. It's ok though. I'm usually good.
Regardless though, I don't ever mention anything to my husband about a bad day, I just cry after he picks up our daughter so he doesn't see.
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That's called "faking it to make it" and that's okay to do if needed.

What do YOU want out of all of this?
 

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If I can stress anything, it would be this...

Please don't do anything with expectations of him coming back to you.

He may never, then you'll be a mess.

Use this time to work on you.

Learn to love you, like you deserve to be loved.

I promise you, it will make an incredible difference.

I promise.
 
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