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It's the opposite in my marriage. I'm the one who wants it at least once a day while on vacation or even just out of the house for the night, but my wife's drive tanks. Oh well.
Yeah ours dips on vacation because we usually do so many active things and are tired. I guess when you have sex regularly at home then vacation isn't a big deal.
 

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Wife and I are in 40's, we used to be twice a week. Lately though, my wife is afraid of getting pregnant again (no birth control for religious reasons) and she is very overweight and can only lose weight after pregnancy and subsequent breastfeeding is mostly over. We have an above average number of kids. We also homeschool. Of late she has lost all interest in sex and pretty much admitted to me why. Too bad she didn't even try to get me on board, maybe we could still be united in some way. She stays perpetually busy, throwing herself into work at the computer, managing the kids, homeschooling, activities, and stuff like that. She doesn't work outside the home and we're pretty secure financially.
 

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Wife and I are in 40's, we used to be twice a week. Lately though, my wife is afraid of getting pregnant again (no birth control for religious reasons) and she is very overweight and can only lose weight after pregnancy and subsequent breastfeeding is mostly over. We have an above average number of kids. We also homeschool. Of late she has lost all interest in sex and pretty much admitted to me why. Too bad she didn't even try to get me on board, maybe we could still be united in some way. She stays perpetually busy, throwing herself into work at the computer, managing the kids, homeschooling, activities, and stuff like that. She doesn't work outside the home and we're pretty secure financially.
All those things you listed are excuses, nothing more. Are you able to take some things off her plate so she has time for a relationship with you? The longer you let your marriage be sexless the harder and less likely you will ever get it back to something "normal".
 

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Late 40s. Out of 30 days in a month, there is no sex during the week (her job) which leaves 8 days available. Of which we never do back-to-back days so that leaves 4. Migraines or periods for 1 of those days. So basically 3x month if I’m not working on the weekends.

Vacations she’s relaxed but more into entertaining the kids. I might… might get a surprise quickie.


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We don't go to church, but once my wife asked a minister how often should I give my husband sex! He said, in the eye's of marriage, no partner should ever deny the one they love and married, physical intimacy, unless of illness. He told her would you want your husband to have sex with another woman and of coarse she said no. Then he said, this is why you keep him happy in bed. 15 years later, she still shows desire and instigates it, especially if I don't. We on average are about 4-5 times a week. Sometimes more, but never less, unless there is an illness.
 

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And you're bearing with a zero sex life? I guess that's my question, how could one tolerate it. No judgement just my trying to wrap my head around that aspect.
Take a kid to the candy store and tell em do not touch. You can look, but you can not devour, let alone sample. You can only look. This is what most go through in a sexless marriage, except it is like living in the candy store and being torcher'd everyday....
 

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The vacation thing is not universal, I’m sorry to report.
Not universal for all,but are for some. Just our last trip, to an ocean resort, I booked 12 days, and my wife said watch out, we are going to do it every day and we did. She said on the last day, we will need to take a few days, because of soarness and I agreed. Day after we got home, she said she is horny again, and I told her we broke her, she won't turn off now. This year, I am only booked a 10 day trip:D
 

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Take a kid to the candy store and tell em do not touch. You can look, but you can not devour, let alone sample. You can only look. This is what most go through in a sexless marriage, except it is like living in the candy store and being torcher'd everyday....
I would think eventually you would lose any desire you had for your SO. Only so much rejection you can take before you realize that you don't want to have sex with someone who doesn't want to have sex with you.
 
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I would think eventually you would lose any desire you had for your SO. Only so much rejection you can take before you realize that you don't want to have sex with someone who doesn't want to have sex with you.
This is what my brother has said, now going on 5 years of a completely sexless marriage. He might look at a few girls here and there, but he won't leave. He says he is committed, but just expects no sex. He has been married 25 years. I have been married to my wife for almost 15 years and we couldn't even imagine and hope to never have to understand...
 

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This is what my brother has said, now going on 5 years of a completely sexless marriage. He might look at a few girls here and there, but he won't leave. He says he is committed, but just expects no sex. He has been married 25 years. I have been married to my wife for almost 15 years and we couldn't even imagine and hope to never have to understand...
Makes no sense too me. Why stay?
 

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Not universal for all,but are for some. Just our last trip, to an ocean resort, I booked 12 days, and my wife said watch out, we are going to do it every day and we did. She said on the last day, we will need to take a few days, because of soarness and I agreed. Day after we got home, she said she is horny again, and I told her we broke her, she won't turn off now. This year, I am only booked a 10 day trip:D
Yah Know….. I am really starting to not like you very much…. ;)
 

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I don't know about other women so..... I can say for a long time I had trouble with the list in my head. It doesn't feel very sexy when you are in bed thinking about
needing to get your MIL an appointment with a nephologist
If you DD registered for orientation for college
If you will have time to get your evaluation product into your boss by tomorrow afternoon
Doing the dishes when you get up because you went to bed without doing them
Needing to plant a garden and what will you plant this late in the season
Shuffling the payment for the house due to paying for Assisted living...

Add about 20 other things.....

I know many women have trouble getting out of their head and that doesn't even count insecurities about their husband watching porn, being older, or fat or if you might smell or are you being sexy enough or animated enough, loud enough aggressive enough, passive enough, submissive enough..........

So on vacation some of that list tends to fall away and your spouse can't annoy you by whatever they typically do to annoy you like leave dishes in the living room cause you aren't at home.

ETA: one of my love languages is Time Together which also is greatly increased doing pleasant things on vacation.
Good points all.
But that problem can be solved. Approach sex like a man. I'll use me as an example.

By this approach I mean although there are bills to pay, house maintenance to do, many work related projects percolating when I know W and I are soon having a liason I park all the mundane thoughts. Takes about 1 second.

The only thing I'm thinking and enjoying the fact if is hey I'm listening to Alexa, about to have sex with my person of choice, how great is that, and how and what should we do during this romp. My imagination runs a bit, I'm thinking only of my soon to be naked W. Always turns out great.

So goal is tell yourself it's ok to put the mundane stuff thoughts in park and think about upcoming sexual acts. It's easy after practicing.
 

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Good points all.
But that problem can be solved. Approach sex like a man. I'll use me as an example.

By this approach I mean although there are bills to pay, house maintenance to do, many work related projects percolating when I know W and I are soon having a liason I park all the mundane thoughts. Takes about 1 second.

The only thing I'm thinking and enjoying the fact if is hey I'm listening to Alexa, about to have sex with my person of choice, how great is that, and how and what should we do during this romp. My imagination runs a bit, I'm thinking only of my soon to be naked W. Always turns out great.

So goal is tell yourself it's ok to put the mundane stuff thoughts in park and think about upcoming sexual acts. It's easy after practicing.
So your solution is instead of being a woman be a man? How about men think like women? How about it's easy..... Just stop thinking about sex all the time.

I just find this kind of condescending to basically say women shouldn't have problems because men don't.
 

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Through being together for close to 26 years (almost 23 years married), my wife (51) and I (50) have a shared sexual frequency of mostly around 6-9x a week, with 4-6x a week (with the exception of illness or injury) being our lowest frequency on a slow week. Also when were on holidays or have RDO's through a week, that frequency sometimes reaches around 11-14x a week.

No doubt our frequency is more than some, yet less than others. That said, all that should matter for both of you @Funfilledcouple, is that (like my wife and I) you're both happy with what you share.
 

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So your solution is instead of being a woman be a man? How about men think like women? How about it's easy..... Just stop thinking about sex all the time.

I just find this kind of condescending to basically say women shouldn't have problems because men don't.
Not that women shouldn't have problems but women do indeed know if they truly want to have sex with their SO they will.

And the age old response by a women oh I have too much going on, I can't handle that stuff plus take 30 minutes to have sex with my loving H is overused and on it's face that excuse diminishes women as looking like they're not smart enough to live life and have sex at the same time.

I'm all about equality. I believe a woman can do anything a man can. Until she doesn't want to that is. But that's a different story.

I'm pulling your leg a little on this btw. 🙂
 

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Not universal for all,but are for some. Just our last trip, to an ocean resort, I booked 12 days, and my wife said watch out, we are going to do it every day and we did. She said on the last day, we will need to take a few days, because of soarness and I agreed. Day after we got home, she said she is horny again, and I told her we broke her, she won't turn off now. This year, I am only booked a 10 day trip:D
On vacation we are usually intimate mornings only.
We are busy seeing the sights, out late and worn out at days end. Also, wife is always concerned people in adjacent room will hear us, so that puts crimp in our style.
 

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On average, three times a week, sometimes more if we're feeling extra frisky and somtimes less if one or both of us isn't in the mood for whatever reason (tired, feeling unwell...etc.)

If marriage was decided soley on dating sex, I might still be a single woman!! LOL!

One time during sex when hubby and I were dating, I literally yelled for him to STOP!! I suddenly felt the worst pain in the back of my upper thigh under my butt. I couldn't put any pressure on the spot when I sat down and I couldn't drive home. So he took me to the emergency dept at the hospital.

The doctor examined the back of my upper thigh area under my butt, turned his back to us to read what looked like a small handbook, and then asked me, "Do you have any bumness?"

Bumness?? My husband (then boyfriend) looked at me with a WTF look and the doctor then said "I mean NUMBNESS, numbness!" I literally laughed out loud but hubby wasn't too pleased with the doctor!

The doctor wasn't sure but said maybe it was sciatic nerve pain. I was out of commission for a couple of weeks and told family and friends that I slipped on some ice and got hurt.

Another time I got "sprayed" right in the eye (Omg, the pressure of it!!), also putting a stop to things. Yet another time I accidentally banged my head so hard on a table nailed to the floor in a hotel room that he was worried I had a concussion.

Chalk it up to me being a bit of a clutz, perhaps with a little goofball thrown in for good measure! LOL!
 
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