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We have been married for 20+ years and feel we are "fairly" active in our sex lives, but how do we know? Would you be willing to share your weekly - monthly number? We try 1 "full" night session....(everything is on the table), 1 quick session and a morning (weekend) fun session where we have some fun...could be intense and full, could be quick, could be oral or just a solo finish.... we often ask ourselves are we active like others?
 

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We have been married for 20+ years ............Would you be willing to share your weekly - monthly number? We try 1 "full" night session....(everything is on the table), 1 quick session and a morning (weekend) fun session where we have some fun...could be intense and full, could be quick, could be oral or just a solo finish.... we often ask ourselves are we active like others?
You are on a fool's quest.

I am a fan of David Schnarch and his philosophy toward marriage. One of his famous thoughts was that there is no "right" amount or frequency of sex. It all has to be negotiated just like almost everything in a marriage.

For example if a man has a "medium sex drive" the amount of sex per week he wants with a High (demand) Libido woman might not be "enough" for her and yet for a Low Libido woman might be way too much.

One of Schnarh's famous examples is that just like there is no correct amount of chocolate ice cream per week after dinner, there is no correct amount of sex. It all depends on what the two people have negotiated and agreed to.

Now to answer your question. In my marriage I was in a sex starved marriage and just about ready to divorce my wife. A sex therapist helped the two of us negotiate a compromise on sexual frequency that seems to have worked. Our compromise was way more than my wife wanted, and at the extreme lower end of what I could live with. Our compromise was making love twice a week. I needed more, she needed less, but we could each barely live with the compromise.

Good luck.
 

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You are on a fool's quest.

I am a fan of David Schnarch and his philosophy toward marriage. One of his famous thoughts was that there is no "right" amount or frequency of sex. It all has to be negotiated just like almost everything in a marriage.

For example if a man has a "medium sex drive" the amount of sex per week he wants with a High (demand) Libido woman might not be "enough" for her and yet for a Low Libido woman might be way too much.

One of Schnarh's famous examples is that just like there is no correct amount of chocolate ice cream per week after dinner, there is no correct amount of sex. It all depends on what the two people have negotiated and agreed to.

Now to answer your question. In my marriage I was in a sex starved marriage and just about ready to divorce my wife. A sex therapist helped the two of us negotiate a compromise on sexual frequency that seems to have worked. Our compromise was way more than my wife wanted, and at the extreme lower end of what I could live with. Our compromise was making love twice a week. I needed more, she needed less, but we could each barely live with the compromise.

Good luck.
Not to hijack the thread Young but if that is more than your wife wanted, how does she deal with it? Is she really into it or does she just tolerate it and go through the motions to meet the agreement? Is there ever more than twice a week and would she ever initiate it?

OK sorry for the hijack OP. Just curious as to what Young replied with.
 

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Oh, and an average session is 20-30 minutes to a rare 1-2 hour session. I go to work at 5:30 am and have 2 kids home. I'm up at 4:45 and we get busy at 10. I'm not up for a midnight to 2 am encounter unless I'm on vacation.
 

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We have been married for 20+ years and feel we are "fairly" active in our sex lives, but how do we know? Would you be willing to share your weekly - monthly number? We try 1 "full" night session....(everything is on the table), 1 quick session and a morning (weekend) fun session where we have some fun...could be intense and full, could be quick, could be oral or just a solo finish.... we often ask ourselves are we active like others?
Married 17 years, 2x a week is about what we do. I can't remember going more than a week without, and can't remember doing it on consecutive days either. We are lucky, our sex drives are spot on the same (at least I think they are....maybe hope is a better word). We have been picking up day time quickies though, but I don't really count those.
 

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Answers will be all over the map. Over the past few years we average about 4 times a week. Past six months more like 5 to 6. Past month has averaged more than 7/week. It comes and goes though and we also have lots of other intimacy too. At the end of the day what is important is mutual satisfaction and happiness. Married 32 years BTW.
 

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We have been married for 20+ years and feel we are "fairly" active in our sex lives, but how do we know? Would you be willing to share your weekly - monthly number? We try 1 "full" night session....(everything is on the table), 1 quick session and a morning (weekend) fun session where we have some fun...could be intense and full, could be quick, could be oral or just a solo finish.... we often ask ourselves are we active like others?
Married 36 years. We always had active sex life. Husband had affair that he regretted, but now I'm lucky if once every other month. I need more. I would like every day, but would settle for once a week.
 

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Well, according to this person, only 31 percent of couples have sex more than once per week. Which would mean TAM is the anomaly...or the entire 31 percent?

But she is also appalled at the idea a husband would divorce over lack of sex so take it for what its worth.

 

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Well, according to this person, only 31 percent of couples have sex more than once per week. Which would mean TAM is the anomaly...or the entire 31 percent?

But she is also appalled at the idea a husband would divorce over lack of sex so take it for what its worth.

I make a joke about this but the sad part if you read the beginning of that article, is this person is an author who says lack of sex as being OK in marriages and suggests guys just "getting themselves off" as opposed to the wife having to have sex. She says something like one quarter of long term marriage have no sex at all yet they are happy???

No intent to hijack but thought this was interesting when you talk about frequency and such in a marriage. Outside of TAM it would appear the idea of a good married sex life is viewed as being "male selfish" and men should be happy with a 1x per week allotment? I have seen this mentality in more than one resource.
 
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