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I've been surprised at the number of people on TAM who have sex with their spouses several times per week. I'd love to have the desire and the time to do that, but it just isn't there. I attribute it to a fairly vanilla sex life where I have to put in all of the effort to spice it up. So between work and family and a somewhat sexually repressed wife, I just don't make the effort often enough.

I've been married for over 20 years, and I'm in my mid-40s. We probably have sex once per week, or maybe 3-4 times per month. We also both work full time and have kids at home, so that really affects how much time we have.

I'd like to see how "normal" that is.
Please post how long you have been married, your age and how often you have sex.
I'm also curious if couples where only 1 person works outside the home makes a difference in frequency. I always assumed that only 1 parent working means more couple time, but I have no idea.
 

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Im 29 DH is 34 married 4 years together for 7 years
Hes home a month and at work a month. So, when he is home about everyday. Sometimes 2xs a day. However....my situation is unique. I work part time right now so i can spend time with him when he is home. If i was full time i think it would be more difficult. No kids...yet.
 

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Two - four days/week except for the time when she's menstruating. She does not want sex during this time. However normally on or after day 5 we will make love. So a typical 4 week breakdown follows this pattern:

  • Days 1 - 7: 1 time
  • Days 8 -14: 2 - 4 times
  • Days 15 - 21: 2 - 4 times
  • Days 22 - 28: 2 - 4 times
So the "hit rate" over a 4 week cycle ranges from 7 - 13 times in a month. Typically, we will hit 10 times a month normally. This ended up being a natural compromise throughout the years of marriage. My libido is high and I would love to have sex daily (even a couple times in a day). My wife originally would probably be content with 1 - 2 times a week. The pattern above is our "compromise". TBH, my wife's libido may have gone up a little since I think through the years she is enjoying sex more and more.
 

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We're both 41, married 20 years, together 22. I've recently started keeping a cycle calender which includes 'intimate' days. I consider 'oral only' sessions to count as equal to sex. According to my calendar we did it 12 times in September including a bj during her period week.
 

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I'm 54, W is 49. Married 18yrs. Frequency varies from 1-5 times a week. She'll hint, but vary rarely initiates. Also rarely says no, so I guess this is really on me. There was a long stretch where it was once a month or less.

I'm like you, the effort is mostly on me and I get a bit weary of always being the initiator. Mostly vanilla, but we'll add some toppings on occasion.
 

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My wife and I are in our mid-thirties. We don't have any children and have been married for about 5 years now. We have had sex twice this year. I am worried.
 

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My wife and I are in our mid-thirties. We don't have any children and have been married for about 5 years now. We have had sex twice this year. I am worried.
Why only twice...in your opinion
 

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Why only twice...in your opinion
Hi Missy. I am not sure to be honest, I think neither of us feel like it at the same time, neither of us initiate. We have a loving and positive relationship.

I don't mean to hijack this thread with my concerns; maybe I will start one dedicated to it. I answered honestly as I hope my reply adds to the variation of replies. Thank you for your interest. :)
 

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About once a week for us. Both work full time and have a young child in school and dance. I have low energy at night, so after little goes to bed, I'm not far from falling asleep myself. I'm about to start a daily multi vitamin and hope that helps my energy level. :)
 

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Hi Missy. I am not sure to be honest, I think neither of us feel like it at the same time, neither of us initiate. We have a loving and positive relationship.

I don't mean to hijack this thread with my concerns; maybe I will start one dedicated to it. I answered honestly as I hope my reply adds to the variation of replies. Thank you for your interest. :)
Start a new thread
 
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Me 42 her 45.
Been married 17 years.
Its hard to give a frequency because its never routine.

Sometimes its every night for an entire week and on weekends.
Sometimes its once per week depending on the work schedule.
But usually, its about 3 times per week.
She initiates most of the time.
 

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My wife and I are in our mid-thirties. We don't have any children and have been married for about 5 years now. We have had sex twice this year. I am worried.
Yikes!

When I was married....2-3 times a week. Sex was never an issue for us.

Posted via Mobile Device
 

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Me 55, wife better not say but between 40 and 50.

It varies. But usually every 2 to 3 days.

Big sessions once every two to three weeks, where we do typically six to seven positions.

Some days it is for her pleasure, might even let her Queen me, she gets to decide what position next.

Other days it is for me (I know all of it is for both of us but it is more about who leads/decides) thats when I 'take' her fairly roughly and dominantly (In the morning "Ooh I'm a little sore down there, you seemed very big" and straight out of MMSL with a big grin I say "you're welcome" and she grins too.
 

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Me 44, Her 43, 1 10 yr old, both full time, she's also a full time student. we do 2 to 4 times a wk. I take care of all the household chores so she can go to college... We schedule 1 sex act a week, the others are whenever it happens.
 

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Me 37 DW 27, married for 5 together for 6 years. Last month was 4 times per week. Wife was SAHM, with 2 kids (4 and 1 years old). There was almost 18 months of once a month after the first child was born.
DW initiated maybe once or twice a month, when she was ovulating and before her period.
 

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Our sex life has been all over the board. Started as sex almost any day we could get together, then dwindled way down to once every 2-3 weeks.

It's now at 1-3 times per week, depending on the week. For the most part I'm fine with the frequency. Yes, when it's once a week I'd like it a little more often most times, but overall, I'm not unhappy.

What bothers me is the lack of variety. It's almost always regular sex, with either me or her on top. And that's fine most times, but sometimes a BJ, or something different (lingerie for example) would be nice. There's very little in that regard though.

Frequency is important, but so is variety.
 

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We're 57 and 60.

Married 31 years. (29.5 happy).

2-3 times a week. Once a week would be good for me, but husband wants more, so it is more.
 

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I'm 32, she's 42 this week. Been married almost 9.5 years, together almost 11.

We both work full time and have a 21 month old girl who is the product of 7 years of infertility treatment.

We have sex about once a month. Maybe twice a month. It's not nearly enough but the infertility and treatments are a gigantic problem and we're going through it again for baby #2. I'd be happy with once a week and hopefully after we're done with baby-making, we'll get there. Otherwise, we have a really wonderful marriage.
 

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I've been surprised at the number of people on TAM who have sex with their spouses several times per week. I'd love to have the desire and the time to do that, but it just isn't there. I attribute it to a fairly vanilla sex life where I have to put in all of the effort to spice it up. So between work and family and a somewhat sexually repressed wife, I just don't make the effort often enough.

I've been married for over 20 years, and I'm in my mid-40s. We probably have sex once per week, or maybe 3-4 times per month. We also both work full time and have kids at home, so that really affects how much time we have.

I'd like to see how "normal" that is.
Please post how long you have been married, your age and how often you have sex.
I'm also curious if couples where only 1 person works outside the home makes a difference in frequency. I always assumed that only 1 parent working means more couple time, but I have no idea.
I think you are totally normal.

I think that only 1 parent working as opposed to 2 makes no difference whatsoever in frequency or 'couple time'. None. If by 'working' you mean working out of the house. ;-) Her work has varied from 'none' to fullime to part-time. Depending on our child situation etc.

with wife for 25 years, married 20.
2 kids, under 10.
We are late 40's.
Frequency for us ranges. Typically 2-3/week.. but there are periods when it is once a week too - as well as 4-5. It varies.

I often see comments by both men and women who feel put upon - that they are carrying the bulk of the sexual burden in spicing it up etc. I can understand that - but let me also say that there are worse things than having such a hobby. As if figuring out how to shake things up tonight is a tedious and thankless job.

Yeah - the old 'peanut butter and jelly sandwich every day for your entire life' analogy is apt - but dont let it get to you. 'Crunchy' peanut butter tonight baby! And with HONEY instead of apricot preserves - c'moverhere hunny.

I find I am always happiest whan I learn to enjoy reality rather than suffering from too much 'the grass is greener'. That doesnt mean you shouldnt try to improve your life, but it also means not losing sight of all the good things that actually work. I dont mean to pontificate, really I dont.
 

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I'm 32, she's 42 this week. Been married almost 9.5 years, together almost 11.

We both work full time and have a 21 month old girl who is the product of 7 years of infertility treatment.

We have sex about once a month. Maybe twice a month. It's not nearly enough but the infertility and treatments are a gigantic problem and we're going through it again for baby #2. I'd be happy with once a week and hopefully after we're done with baby-making, we'll get there. Otherwise, we have a really wonderful marriage.
Hope its [ the treatments] successful and
Best wishes to both of you!
 
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