Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 20 of 27 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
17 Posts
Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Lately my man has been saying things frequently like "Our sex life is just so amazing". He expresses satisfaction. He seems very turned on from/during our sex. However, there are certain things that have me concerned that he is not getting what he needs. Or that his needs are ... well, excessive. First of all, I know it is normal for a guy to masturbate frequently. Especially if they are not having sex, once a day may even be the norm. However, what if you are having regular sex? Lets say you have sex 5 days a week. And yet, you are informed that during your time away from each other, which may be as little as two or three hours, and may be even directly following sex, that he is masturbating. I have shared my anxiety about this, saying that I feel I cannot satisfy him no matter how much sex we have or how many times he c*ms a day (sometimes 3 times!), that he is still going to need to c*m again by himself. He says, baby, I just think about what we do together and it turns me on so much that I have to take care of it! However, I know for a fact that he watches porn on a very regular basis. Which ALSO bothers me. Hey, I am an attractive girl who works hard to please my man. And I can't get this masturbating thing out of my head. It is pissing me off. I dont know if this is something most guys can relate to??????? Please, if so, I want to know. To me it just seems like he is an addict. He works from home and I know when I'm not there he's wacking off, sometimes multiple times a day, and when I am there he wants sex.

The other day we had a long, hot session, and slept in. The minute I woke up, he asked how I was, and I said, Im good, how are you? And he said, honestly? I have been really turned on for the last hour and I really need to cum. Do you care if I take care of it? I was like uhhhmm, sure? So he masturbated in front of me. I was turned off by it, like, what is going to be enough? Or maybe I should tell him I don't want to hear about it? Maybe he thinks it turns me on? But if I am with someone I don't want to have to draw that line, I WANT it to turn me on. Is this something other women have encountered?? Is this an inevitability that we just look the other way on??? if not, how do i talk to him about it???

Help!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
937 Posts
My personal opinion is that it is excessive and perhaps he is using mb to assuage anxiety. Or he has a hormone issue. I really expect you to say he was 22.
Posted via Mobile Device
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
790 Posts
I agree with the other poster. I think he's got a sexual compulsion and uses beating off as a way to relieve anxiety. It is similar to overeating or using alcohol or drugs.

If he's beating off and having sex as frequently as you say, that means he's spending the majority of his day thinking about sex, having sex and/or masturbating. I think it goes beyond the realm of normal, but I could be wrong.

I think you may have been turned off by his jerking off in front of you because of the context....him acting in a way that seems more compulsive than sexual.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,578 Posts
So what happens when he is at work? Does he masturbate there? Does he masturbate at social functions? If the answer is no, he obviously can control himself.

Excessive? Yeah I think so. Are you sexually fulfilled? Would you like to do it more? If you are happy with the amount of sex you are getting and he isn't masturbating in unacceptable places, I'd back off a little. But he shouldn't do it in front of you if that's your preference.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
17 Posts
Discussion Starter #7
Yeah, he says i "have a spell on him". i.e. this is not his usual behavior? i doubt it.

he describes it (when he does it during the day during working at home) as "taking a little break". Yesterday he said he "took a little break" during work but it wasnt the full treatment, and that he would probably have to have this "full treatment" later (by himself) before bed. This was right before he tried to initiate sex and i was thinking, really? ugh. When i told him i was very satisfied with our sex the previous night and just felt nice, kind of riding that wave, he shut down, stopped talking to me, got on his cell looking at the internet, and then left for the gym.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
869 Posts
I am 39 year old man, with I assume "high drive".

My wife and myself have sexual intercourse or some sexual contact most days, and I masturbate as well practically everyday.

Usual for me to expect to c*m minimum 3 to 5 times a day, that's everyday.

Your issue however, to be concerned with pornography or otherwise as if your man is not satisfied, and you are now linking this with his masturbation, then there is still an issue to be worked on.

I would encourage you to share your concerns framed in truth, and not attempt to ignore as you continue to build resentment, it will become a huge problem between you and that is a shame.

How are you to masturbate yourself in front of your man?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,185 Posts
Is your issue mostly that you don't feel that YOU satisfy him? If it is then that may be a self esteem issue. Has his masturbation caused him to slack in other areas like work?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
17 Posts
Discussion Starter #13
I dont feel bad about myself because "I can't satisfy him". Its more the fact that the amazing sex that we DO have, doesnt satisfy him. Even the same day. It just seems ridiculous.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
17 Posts
Discussion Starter #14
I am 39 year old man, with I assume "high drive".

My wife and myself have sexual intercourse or some sexual contact most days, and I masturbate as well practically everyday.

Usual for me to expect to c*m minimum 3 to 5 times a day, that's everyday.

Your issue however, to be concerned with pornography or otherwise as if your man is not satisfied, and you are now linking this with his masturbation, then there is still an issue to be worked on.

I would encourage you to share your concerns framed in truth, and not attempt to ignore as you continue to build resentment, it will become a huge problem between you and that is a shame.

How are you to masturbate yourself in front of your man?


3-5 times a day?? Doesnt that take a lot of time out of your day? Thats the first thing I think.
How does your wife feel about the masturbation?

I am very nervous to talk to him about it. You are right about the resentment. But he is super sensitive and gets defensive very quickly no matter how I frame the issue.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
17 Posts
Discussion Starter #16
I agree with the other poster. I think he's got a sexual compulsion and uses beating off as a way to relieve anxiety. It is similar to overeating or using alcohol or drugs.

If he's beating off and having sex as frequently as you say, that means he's spending the majority of his day thinking about sex, having sex and/or masturbating. I think it goes beyond the realm of normal, but I could be wrong.

I think you may have been turned off by his jerking off in front of you because of the context....him acting in a way that seems more compulsive than sexual.


Yes! I think you are right about the compulsive thing. Like its out of his control.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,644 Posts
For those of you who haven't followed Chicken's posts, her relationship started out as loving and wonderful and has turned in to him getting off by choking her and calling her names during sex. This man has a very very serious problem that could be life threatening for Chicken and she needs to get the hell away from him. He IS out of control.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,185 Posts
For those of you who haven't followed Chicken's posts, her relationship started out as loving and wonderful and has turned in to him getting off by choking her and calling her names during sex. This man has a very very serious problem that could be life threatening for Chicken and she needs to get the hell away from him. He IS out of control.

Well he is obviously escalating and not respecting her boundaries at all. I don't think it matters how much he is masturbating at this point if he's chocking you without your permission.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
869 Posts
3-5 times a day?? Doesnt that take a lot of time out of your day? Thats the first thing I think.
A lot of time??? :scratchhead::)

No, most times less than a few minutes.

A man, who already slightly aroused, can reach orgasm very quickly, even much less than a minute if needed.

(So it is often if a woman thinks her man is not masturbating and mentions this on this forum, I assume simply she is maybe not aware in the least how quickly it can be totally accomplished.)

How does your wife feel about the masturbation?
She loves it, and finds it very erotic.

I masturbate freely in front of her, and if she "comes around" while I am in bedroom or bathroom and "catches me", I most likely end up getting her involved in some form or another (so maybe in that way she ends up getting "caught" herself. ;)

She will perform in front of me as well, but as with a woman of course, it is more involved and time consuming, so as we usually end up doing oral or mixing it up together eventually anyway.

If she plaesures herself during the day, she will often be sure to text me, hinting at what she was imagining or remembering, of course that is only making me look forward to coming home to show her how that makes me feel.

As well, if now or then she is legitimately tired or not in mood for full blown sex, mutually we understand and agree and know from experience that I will end up happy one way or another, so masturbration a great way for us to connect intimately in times where quicker is desired.

I am very nervous to talk to him about it. You are right about the resentment. But he is super sensitive and gets defensive very quickly no matter how I frame the issue.
Be honest with your feelings, but imagine ways to be creative (and tactful) to turn your husband's high drive into opportunities to connect together.
 
1 - 20 of 27 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top