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I love sex, and love pleasing my husband, I'll give him oral just about any time, right to completion as long as he doesn't come in my mouth. Couldn't do that...ick.
 

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I enjoy doing it with my H. He enjoys it too :D

I cannot imagine doing it with someone I just met (one-night stand scenario). Mind you never was into one night stands either.
I guess I am an old fashioned gal in this way. In fact, the thought of it repulses me.
 

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I think it maybe a generational thing too... I'm 46 now but when I was 26, I dated a beautiful 40 year old woman for about a year and I remember visiting her in CT the second time. I had gone down on her and she said she wanted to try it and that she had never given a BJ before and that it was not something women usually do. She was really into it, finished, and continued liking to do it. My wife on the other hand does sometimes do it, loves to receive it, but the only issue is she WILL NOT kiss at all afterwords...The crazy thing is she does not have a very strong feminine odor...it's very faint really and I've been with women with a much stronger scent and they never had issues with kissing...
 

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Discussion Starter #84
I do think it's a generational thing for some women.

But with encouragement that same generation can realize it's not a "I don't do that, women just don't do that" thing.
 

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I love sex, and love pleasing my husband, I'll give him oral just about any time, right to completion as long as he doesn't come in my mouth. Couldn't do that...ick.
But some women do. I dated a nurse a hundred years ago and in the mouth, swallowing was her thing. It was like an objective for her, always said "mmm, that was good" while I tried not to pass out.

Just sayin'.
 

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Haha...yep, exactly! Out of all the women I've been with this falls in "a first for me" category and hence why I find it weird.

I've been on the dating scene now and haven't really connected with someone as I've had with her; so I don't think I ready to just "cut bait" but definitely feel like we need to talk about this again and actually get a straight answer.

The sex is amazing just wish the foreplay (touching/oral) was existent on her part; she has no issues with me touching/oral on her so I feel like it should be reciprocated at least.

I know she grew up religious, her dad's a pastor, so wasn't allowed to do a lot of things she wanted to growing up. She broke out of that church lifestyle back in her early late teens/early twenties and started doing things for herself but I wonder if this has something to do with the no touching/oral issue.
I don't know about the rest of you older heads, but the daughters of pastors and school principals way back when I was a young boy had a noted reputation for being absolutely, sexually wilder than March hares!

If I ever snagged a date with either one of those gals, I'd have thought that I had died and gone to heaven!
 

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Haha...yep, exactly! Out of all the women I've been with this falls in "a first for me" category and hence why I find it weird.

I've been on the dating scene now and haven't really connected with someone as I've had with her; so I don't think I ready to just "cut bait" but definitely feel like we need to talk about this again and actually get a straight answer.

The sex is amazing just wish the foreplay (touching/oral) was existent on her part; she has no issues with me touching/oral on her so I feel like it should be reciprocated at least.

I know she grew up religious, her dad's a pastor, so wasn't allowed to do a lot of things she wanted to growing up. She broke out of that church lifestyle back in her early late teens/early twenties and started doing things for herself but I wonder if this has something to do with the no touching/oral issue.
I don't know about the rest of you older heads, but the daughters of pastors and school principals way back when I was a young boy had a noted reputation for being absolutely, sexually wilder than March hares!

If I ever snagged a date with either one of those gals, I'd have thought that I had died and gone to heaven!
Found the same to be true of redheads. 😉
 

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I found the same with blondes. :smile2:
Both of my XW's were blondes and the only thing that I could rightfully attest to is that they literally co-authored the book on cheating!

But for the most part, they were what I'd refer to as "quasi-bangers!" Neither took much, if any, initiative! But neither really subscribed to giving oral real well, except to do it for say, probably no more than two minutes only after having been dutifully requested to, and rarely ever to completion, and then, having been orally serviced to completion themselves; both had a serious knack for looking sternly up at you and admonishing you, "Hey! Just look what I put myself through for you!

That's enough ~ I don't want sex now!"
 

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I probably was fine with a lot of things until I took anatomy and physiology. Also, if a partner has had multiple partners, oral is a pathway for STI. The brief encounter I had with being involved with swingers, I was a bit amused by the general attitude that oral was somehow safer sex. The connection between throat cancer and cunniligus has been established and, to me, it's not worth the risk.

In my opinion and experience, fingering can apply a lot more pressure variations than mouth/tongue anyway. I can be face to face with my partner. Oral is just a weird angle to view a person's face - especially with crap stuffed in their mouth. To each his own - it's not for me. I've given plenty of times but it's not my favorite thing. My brain goes into this zone where: "What's wrong with my vag?" I already know I have a tight vag because I've had to be treated for it (yeah, there is such a thing as tight vag treatment) - so, idk, I just kind of figured the BJ thing for men was about power/domination/control/forbidden. I find it demeaning.
 

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The connection between throat cancer and cunniligus has been established and, to me, it's not worth the risk.

so, idk, I just kind of figured the BJ thing for men was about power/domination/control/forbidden. I find it demeaning.
First part I call BS

Second part makes me feel sad for you.
 

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First part I call BS

Second part makes me feel sad for you.
Quoting myself to be clear here.

I realize that HPV is thought to maybe lead to throat cancer. So unprotected oral with many partners could eventually maybe lead to cancer.

Us folks in committed relationships don't need to worry about this.

Lastly, all the younger people being inoculated with Gardisil can go to town I guess?
 

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It is something personally, I know some women who would only do it for a special person and they have not found them yet another reason os their religion or cultural background so women are not allowed to perform oral sex
 

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Along and along there seem some details coming out that there are certain women (that may make up groups?) that won't even consider it but the reasons why, actually, really why they won't isn't broached yet.

There are some physical justifications (as in my gag reflex will never allow it etc) that will be used, and some of that will be reality.

But some of those justifications will be used as a convenient crutch to deflect from real reasons just imho........
The women I mentioned above are pretty much in agreement that it is dirty, disgusting, and only a woman with no self respect would do it or receive it. Those are their reasons. They are all older, early to mid 60's and were virgins when they married and are still married to the same man. It might be a generational thing.
So you have met my wife!

Nah, I'm in that age group, oral has always been on the menu. I think it's more of a "bodies are icky" thing, which is a sad attitude but some people (of all ages) are conditioned as such.
OK, my story. My wife has never given me a BJ. Before we were married, I talked to her about how much I wanted to experience oral sex both giving and receiving with her. She told me that before marriage it was just too intimate. She explained that the nuns at the school she went to said that after marriage anything and husband and wife did was fine. She assured me that after we were married she would.

Spring forward several years after marriage. I brought it up again and she informed me it was too disgusting. She told me that PIV was much more intimate. I reminded her of her promise and what the nuns had told her. She informed me that the nuns had no idea how sick and depraved men were.

Spring forward several decades to when we were in a sex starved marriage and working with a marriage counselor/sex therapist to see if we could salvage our marriage. The ST asked my wife about oral sex. I learned that my wife felt that both her and my genitals were dirty and disgusting and she would never put her mouth on such a filthy part of a body. The ST actually discussed if my wife were to wash my penis to her satisfaction of cleanliness right before sex, if that would change her attitude. My wife said no it would not change a thing. At least the ST got us to start having PIV sex again, which saved the marriage. My wife has huge body self image issues and they have just gotten worse.

As an aside, besides her view that her V is dirty, as a reason for not wanting to receive oral is that as she has gotten older sometime on laughing or orgasm she can leak a little urine, which means both oral is off the table and PIV has to be controlled as to timing.

Spring forward another decade. A regular marriage counselor helping "tune-up" our marriage. One of the things we did was read together and discuss Schnarch's book Intimacy and Desire. Toward the end after explaining intimacy and desire problems, Schnarch explains his cure for re-wiring the brain to increase desire..........it is oral sex, especially BJ's for women with low libido toward their husband. His explanation is that if forces one to focus on the pleasure of the partner, it is truly "in your face" sexually intimate. It is so intimate that it requires both of you to confront all your sexual vulnerability and approach oral sex as as an active "giving" experience. Talk about scaring the hell out of my wife. I told her that I had long ago given up on the idea of every getting a BJ from her. She cried and said to not give up, but that it probably wouldn't happen.

So you wanted some of the why to be explained. I have tried to share what little I know about the topic.
 

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Discussion Starter #97
So you have met my wife!



OK, my story. My wife has never given me a BJ. Before we were married, I talked to her about how much I wanted to experience oral sex both giving and receiving with her. She told me that before marriage it was just too intimate. She explained that the nuns at the school she went to said that after marriage anything and husband and wife did was fine. She assured me that after we were married she would.

Spring forward several years after marriage. I brought it up again and she informed me it was too disgusting. She told me that PIV was much more intimate. I reminded her of her promise and what the nuns had told her. She informed me that the nuns had no idea how sick and depraved men were.

Spring forward several decades to when we were in a sex starved marriage and working with a marriage counselor/sex therapist to see if we could salvage our marriage. The ST asked my wife about oral sex. I learned that my wife felt that both her and my genitals were dirty and disgusting and she would never put her mouth on such a filthy part of a body. The ST actually discussed if my wife were to wash my penis to her satisfaction of cleanliness right before sex, if that would change her attitude. My wife said no it would not change a thing. At least the ST got us to start having PIV sex again, which saved the marriage. My wife has huge body self image issues and they have just gotten worse.

As an aside, besides her view that her V is dirty, as a reason for not wanting to receive oral is that as she has gotten older sometime on laughing or orgasm she can leak a little urine, which means both oral is off the table and PIV has to be controlled as to timing.

Spring forward another decade. A regular marriage counselor helping "tune-up" our marriage. One of the things we did was read together and discuss Schnarch's book Intimacy and Desire. Toward the end after explaining intimacy and desire problems, Schnarch explains his cure for re-wiring the brain to increase desire..........it is oral sex, especially BJ's for women with low libido toward their husband. His explanation is that if forces one to focus on the pleasure of the partner, it is truly "in your face" sexually intimate. It is so intimate that it requires both of you to confront all your sexual vulnerability and approach oral sex as as an active "giving" experience. Talk about scaring the hell out of my wife. I told her that I had long ago given up on the idea of every getting a BJ from her. She cried and said to not give up, but that it probably wouldn't happen.

So you wanted some of the why to be explained. I have tried to share what little I know about the topic.
Wow. This is indeed at one end of the window of reasons, thanks for contributing.

Hang in there!
 

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I told her that I had long ago given up on the idea of every getting a BJ from her. She cried and said to not give up, but that it probably wouldn't happen.
I find that sad. She clearly wants to please you but just can't get past it for some reason. Someone really drove home the point to her that her own body is a bad thing and so is yours. Such a shame :crying:
 

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I find that sad. She clearly wants to please you but just can't get past it for some reason. Someone really drove home the point to her that her own body is a bad thing and so is yours. Such a shame :crying:
Unfortunately, not an uncommon message drilled into the brains of most females decades ago (and perhaps still is among certain groups). Oral sex was considered something “nice” girls didn’t do. Sex was PIV only and preferably only missionary with the lights out. There were other rules as well — basically nothing allowed that was much fun. That was the message I was given as a teenager.

So guess what many men did after marriage? Found a “bad” girl who rebelled against what they had been taught (or they were never taught it in the first place) and delivered what their wives wouldn’t. And many wives accepted their husbands cheating “because that’s how men are.” Certainly there were females who were able to overcome those early damaging messages but many never could. And the fallout from that time often continues today.

Be glad you are of a later generation.
 

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I told her that I had long ago given up on the idea of every getting a BJ from her. She cried and said to not give up, but that it probably wouldn't happen.
Has she tried, or would she ever consider trying, marijuana before being intimate?


From https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6522945/ ...

The question of how marijuana leads to these positive changes in sexual function is unknown. It has been postulated that it leads to improvement in sexual function simply by lowering stress and anxiety.13 It may slow the temporal perception of time and prolong the feelings of pleasurable sensations.5, 14 It may lower sexual inhibitions and increase confidence and a willingness to experiment.7 Marijuana is also known to heighten sensations such as touch, smell, sight, taste, and hearing.15 Although this was not specifically addressed in this article, according to Halikas et al,5 the regular female marijuana user reported a heightened sensation of touch and increased physical closeness when using marijuana before sex.
There’s a thread around here somewhere that left me wondering if the drug has something to offer those dealing with drive mismatches.
 
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