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Tried something different today. I tried flirting with my wife today via text. She started the morning off by giving me a French kiss before leaving for work and she said she was trying to tease me. I took that as I will try flirting with her hoping it will lead to sex. She was in a good mood today and responded to my flirty texts. I even helped with dinner. Did sex happen though? Nope, and she even told me that just because she teased and we flirted doesn’t mean it should lead to sex. I give up.
 

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I’ve tried being dominant/take charge and get told I’m being mean. She told me at one time a while back she liked it. I can’t win for trying.
Don't worry. You wife goes crazy once a year for 365 days.
 

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Me closer to 70 than 60
Her 6 years younger than I
Together 39 years, Married 36
We were DINKS for the first 11-12 years together and had sex pretty much daily
Sons are 27 & 26
Sex tapered off after sons were born to 2-3 times a week
Sex once a week or so now. We are daily bunnies on our 6-9 weeks of vacation
Wife rarely physically initiated during our whole relationship; but, did vocally ask on occasion
 

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Me closer to 70 than 60
Her 6 years younger than I
Together 39 years, Married 36
We were DINKS for the first 11-12 years together and had sex pretty much daily
Sons are 27 & 26
Sex tapered off after sons were born to 2-3 times a week
Sex once a week or so now. We are daily bunnies on our 6-9 weeks of vacation
Wife rarely physically initiated during our whole relationship; but, did vocally ask on occasion
Oh, forgot. Wife never turns me down
 

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Tried something different today. I tried flirting with my wife today via text. She started the morning off by giving me a French kiss before leaving for work and she said she was trying to tease me. I took that as I will try flirting with her hoping it will lead to sex. She was in a good mood today and responded to my flirty texts. I even helped with dinner. Did sex happen though? Nope, and she even told me that just because she teased and we flirted doesn’t mean it should lead to sex. I give up.
Lord, I'm a man, I can change, if I have to, I think!
 

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Tried something different today. I tried flirting with my wife today via text. She started the morning off by giving me a French kiss before leaving for work and she said she was trying to tease me. I took that as I will try flirting with her hoping it will lead to sex. She was in a good mood today and responded to my flirty texts. I even helped with dinner. Did sex happen though? Nope, and she even told me that just because she teased and we flirted doesn’t mean it should lead to sex. I give up.
You didn't do anything wrong. 😌 I would feel badly if I teased my husband and led him to think sex was on the horizon, but really never had any intentions of doing that. That just seems like a mean thing to do.

The stories on here mainly posted by men when it comes to sex, makes me wonder if divorce wasn't such a challenging process in most states, if men would be tolerating this type of thing as often as they do.
 

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Surprisingly looking back, I've never once been rejected for sex :unsure: with any partner

It could be that my relationships and marriage aren't as long as some others here like 20 40 yrs, or maybe I just have a real good picker when it comes to this, like I wouldn't get involved with someone who is averse to physical touch and expect to get anything from her.

Or it could be the way I initiate... or all the above 🤷‍♂️
 

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A good picker is best protection against disappointment. How did you develop that skill?
I dont think it's a skill, either than avoiding women who are averse to physical touch.

My last ex was even a virgin no way I could have fathomed she would want almost as much as sex as my ex wife. It's like winning the lottery twice in a row for something you don't actually want.

Then again, when I showed her photo to my mum, my mum did discern looking at her that she's going to want a lot of sex. I was like what? No way as she's a virgin... yet turns out she was right 😑

Maybe its a subconscious thing, I don't know. Or maybe because I only really pick out of the pool I already know are crushing hard and physically attracted to me, and also I never chase.
 

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my mum did discern looking at her that she's going to want a lot of sex.
Your mum could have made a LOT of money selling how to develop her perceptive abilities.

BTW, just because a woman is virgin fortells nothing. Kinda like a brand new Ferrari in the showroom is going to be fast in the hands of the right driver.

Maybe you are just a good race car driver
 

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Your mum could have made a LOT of money selling how to develop her perceptive abilities.

BTW, just because a woman is virgin fortells nothing. Kinda like a brand new Ferrari in the showroom is going to be fast in the hands of the right driver.

Maybe you are just a good race car driver
Haha more like an average commuter that buys stock sedans only to realise under the hood they always end up packing turbocharged V12s for some reason and I can't handle it 😅

My mum got into all this spirituality stuff and readings so who knows. I normally doubt this stuff but couldn't believe it when she was right.
 

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I thot you were on exit plan to Feb ‘23. I thot your wife had checked out n called you a$$hole all time. Why are you putting yourself in position to receive incoming fire?
Man's still gotta do what he's gotta do! We r still trying to get it together. Don't hate her. Just...well a very confusing time. She has at least finally called her Dr and made an appointment to discuss her depression.
We are also seeking out a therapist that deals with trauma for her as well. Will fight the the fight as long as I can. February IS still the benchmark in my head still.
 

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Tried something different today. I tried flirting with my wife today via text. She started the morning off by giving me a French kiss before leaving for work and she said she was trying to tease me. I took that as I will try flirting with her hoping it will lead to sex. She was in a good mood today and responded to my flirty texts. I even helped with dinner. Did sex happen though? Nope, and she even told me that just because she teased and we flirted doesn’t mean it should lead to sex. I give up.
This is a difficult situation. I spent years and years trying to figure this stuff out, and I'm not going to sit here and tell you I have the answer. But I do have a question. How did you handle this? I can think of about a dozen ways I might address this, but you need to figure out how you will address a situation like this.
 

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This is a difficult situation. I spent years and years trying to figure this stuff out, and I'm not going to sit here and tell you I have the answer. But I do have a question. How did you handle this? I can think of about a dozen ways I might address this, but you need to figure out how you will address a situation like this.
After I got a bit irritated I just took care of it solo and went to bed. I’m at the point that I’m tired of dealing with starfish sex and will start turning it down when that’s all she will offer.
 

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Discussion Starter · #180 ·
This is a woman who doesn't deserve to be married.

A friend would treat you better.
Thanks for replying. I actually agree.

Im ashamed and embarrassed to actually say what Im going to but current situation now is this.

We’ve had two night break on our own booked for a while. Last night and tonight. Last week I actually thought about cancelling as there’s still been nothing from her but I could do with a break from kids and normal life myself so didn’t.

Last night after a nice meal and drinks (quite a few) we ended up having sex when we got back to hotel. Neither of us came and as usual just drunken sex.

This morning I woke early which I often do but it was like 5.30am, so I dozed and waited until around 7.15 and tried to stirr my wife to see if she was up for hangover morning sex (which she often is on breaks/holidays). She asked what time it was and then replied it’s too early and went back asleep.

We mostly have sex after drinking and my wife has no patience if I’m not ready for action so as I tend to take viagra more or less all the time now to make sure things down below will work otherwise if it doesn’t i could be waiting weeks again. And it plays on my mind when it doesn’t work for next time.

8am I stirred her again and she reciprocated, she started giving me a handjob to get me ready but it was already playing on my mind it won’t work. She didn’t give it much time before saying you’re not ready and I said carry on I will be and thankfully I was back in the game. We started have sex and then rather than come when I was going to I said to her go on top and by the time shE messed about trying to find bedsheets again to cover herself up and get on top I lost erection.

The combination of have sex after drinking or hungover coupled with her impatience is seriously affecting me.

anyway at that point she said I can’t be bothered so I carried on and gave her oral sex until she came. I then said it’s your turn now and she can just use her hand (as she doesn’t like to give me a blowjob). She ignored a few of my prompts to do it and basically lay face away from me on bed. I just felt sick.

Today we’ve been out and had a walk and lunch and two drinks only. Now we’re back in hotel having a siesta and I thought was perfect time to have sober sex. Apparently not. She’s gone asleep next to me. And when I mentioned about having sex now whilst sober she said I’m like a baby and to wait an hour or so after her sleep I presume.

now it looks like my options are to wake her up
Shortly because she won’t, initiate because she won’t or have drunken sex again tonight after our night out.

I know it’s my fault for accepting this. If I didn’t have kids I’d run a million miles away honestly.
 
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