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Thanks for replying. I actually agree.

Im ashamed and embarrassed to actually say what Im going to but current situation now is this.

We’ve had two night break on our own booked for a while. Last night and tonight. Last week I actually thought about cancelling as there’s still been nothing from her but I could do with a break from kids and normal life myself so didn’t.

Last night after a nice meal and drinks (quite a few) we ended up having sex when we got back to hotel. Neither of us came and as usual just drunken sex.

This morning I woke early which I often do but it was like 5.30am, so I dozed and waited until around 7.15 and tried to stirr my wife to see if she was up for hangover morning sex (which she often is on breaks/holidays). She asked what time it was and then replied it’s too early and went back asleep.

We mostly have sex after drinking and my wife has no patience if I’m not ready for action so as I tend to take viagra more or less all the time now to make sure things down below will work otherwise if it doesn’t i could be waiting weeks again. And it plays on my mind when it doesn’t work for next time.

8am I stirred her again and she reciprocated, she started giving me a handjob to get me ready but it was already playing on my mind it won’t work. She didn’t give it much time before saying you’re not ready and I said carry on I will be and thankfully I was back in the game. We started have sex and then rather than come when I was going to I said to her go on top and by the time shE messed about trying to find bedsheets again to cover herself up and get on top I lost erection.

The combination of have sex after drinking or hungover coupled with her impatience is seriously affecting me.

anyway at that point she said I can’t be bothered so I carried on and gave her oral sex until she came. I then said it’s your turn now and she can just use her hand (as she doesn’t like to give me a blowjob). She ignored a few of my prompts to do it and basically lay face away from me on bed. I just felt sick.

Today we’ve been out and had a walk and lunch and two drinks only. Now we’re back in hotel having a siesta and I thought was perfect time to have sober sex. Apparently not. She’s gone asleep next to me. And when I mentioned about having sex now whilst sober she said I’m like a baby and to wait an hour or so after her sleep I presume.

now it looks like my options are to wake her up
Shortly because she won’t, initiate because she won’t or have drunken sex again tonight after our night out.

I know it’s my fault for accepting this. If I didn’t have kids I’d run a million miles away honestly.
Ok, this sounds stupid, but can get a point across. Just bang one off on her whilst she sleeps and tell her ya couldn't wait.
 

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After I got a bit irritated I just took care of it solo and went to bed. I’m at the point that I’m tired of dealing with starfish sex and will start turning it down when that’s all she will offer.
Based on this response it sounds like you handled this situation the same way you have other times. How is that working for you? You should come up with some new ways to deal with these situations.
 

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Based on this response it sounds like you handled this situation the same way you have other times. How is that working for you? You should come up with some new ways to deal with these situations.
I honestly hate it, but I don’t know how to break the cycle without totally imploding my life. Financially I would be hurt if we divorced. I have to play happy when I’m around the wife and kids so that I put on a good attitude but when I’m by myself I keep wishing I could go back in time and make better decisions and tell my younger self to wait.
 

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I honestly hate it, but I don’t know how to break the cycle without totally imploding my life. Financially I would be hurt if we divorced. I have to play happy when I’m around the wife and kids so that I put on a good attitude but when I’m by myself I keep wishing I could go back in time and make better decisions and tell my younger self to wait.
As I see it, only three choices:

1. Live with it .That's why porn is so popular. Its an escape from reality for at least a little while. Sure some will say the wife would be hurt but if she would be THAT hurt, she should just be having sex with husband instead of always telling him No.

2. Find someone else for sex Not really an answer as not easy as most women would want a relationship not just an ongoing FWB. I met and had sex with a bunch of women between my marriages and while I had a lot of sex, each was really just a one nighter and many were married who just wanted one night of fun. I suspect if that's what's still out there in the dating world, it could be pretty dismal. Sure you can have a lot of sex but when its not with the same person, I don't think you establish any kind of connection. And while that was cool and exciting when I was 20 something, while a 40 something was not really all that rewarding. I felt sometimes the women were just using ME for sex. And they were as honestly, I was using them too.

3. Leave. Not easy to do as you give away half...or more...of everything you own and essentially have to start all over. When you are in your 30s, no so bad...in your 50s or 60s, a different story. I also expect meeting someone new might be tough when you are middle aged and living by yourself in an apartment as that would reek of being "unsuccessful". But you couldn't afford a house for a while as you just gave away half of what you owned. Then when you do meet someone, you can't really say you left your last marriage due to lack of sex as then they will tag you as a horny old man as well. So you have to come up with a story as to why you left. I don't see horny, old, unsuccessful being on the top of many women's dating list. Even if that is not true, I see that as being a possible perception.

And you can likely ever forget about retiring. I have a great job, with great pay and I don't do much. BUT I still want to stop working soon and can't imagine putting in another 10 or 15 years just to recover. Is being retired before 60 with a crappy sex life better than working when you are 75 with a good sex life a fair exchange? Thats up to YOU. I could be tooling around the Florida coast on my boat on a Wednesday morning here real soon while others are working or I could have to give up that boat with the hopes of finding better sex. Once again, a personal choice you have to make.

I think those are the only real options and they all kinda suck. You just have to decide what sucks more, your current situation or something like Item #3? Unfortunately I don't think anyone has the answer except YOU.

Best of luck.
 

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I honestly hate it, but I don’t know how to break the cycle without totally imploding my life. Financially I would be hurt if we divorced. I have to play happy when I’m around the wife and kids so that I put on a good attitude but when I’m by myself I keep wishing I could go back in time and make better decisions and tell my younger self to wait.
Play happy? Why? If you are not happy, you are playing a false narrative.
 

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I know the results will vary for this but just curious to see how other couples rate.

In my situation:

I’m Male 42, Wife is 40 (two kids early teens)

Together for 25 years. Married for 17.

She initiates 1-2 a year. I probably get turned down 6 out of 10 times I initiate.

Sex usually 2-4 times a month.
W 65 H 64 married six years having plenty of sex 2 times during the work week, 2 times weekend.

She initiates once every couple months so my hit rate is about 90%. Just have to time it right and be aware of the day, environment, physical status, work day, etc.
 

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Discussion Starter · #190 ·
Ok, this sounds stupid, but can get a point across. Just bang one off on her whilst she sleeps and tell her ya couldn't wait.
To be honest I did actually start doing that. I said I’ll do it myself and as I started she was like are you messing? She was facing the other way and just ignored me after that.

Later on in the afternoon we came back the hotel and after a sleep for an hour (her not me) we ended up having sex. Again on her terms as I wanted it before she went asleep and she didn’t.

Since we’ve come home she’s been more touchy freely. She definitely has up and down mood swings throughout the month.

I need to emphasise the point that I’m not too concerned that she doesn’t ever initiate as long as when I do the majority of the time she doesn’t reject me.
 

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I got told tonight to lower my expectations on sex because I just need to realize that the majority of the time we have sex it will just be for my benefit since she’s just not that into it. She also told me that most wives are probably like this and that’s why I needed to lower my expectations. Take it or leave it approach.

I’m giving this until after the holidays before I make a decision on what I should do. I do not want to be in a marriage with sex this way the rest of my life, that’s for sure.
 

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I got told tonight to lower my expectations on sex because I just need to realize that the majority of the time we have sex it will just be for my benefit since she’s just not that into it. She also told me that most wives are probably like this and that’s why I needed to lower my expectations. Take it or leave it approach.

I’m giving this until after the holidays before I make a decision on what I should do. I do not want to be in a marriage with sex this way the rest of my life, that’s for sure.
Remind me of your ages?

But, regardless, I'd be out of that marriage...
 

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I got told tonight to lower my expectations on sex because I just need to realize that the majority of the time we have sex it will just be for my benefit since she’s just not that into it. She also told me that most wives are probably like this and that’s why I needed to lower my expectations. Take it or leave it approach.

I’m giving this until after the holidays before I make a decision on what I should do. I do not want to be in a marriage with sex this way the rest of my life, that’s for sure.
Hey, our wives must be sisters as I have heard that one before too! Heard the "most wives" line as well too when I told her I was just trying to make our sex life better and heard "most wives our age don't care about sex very much anymore".
 

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Which part do they not care about? The orgasm? The great feeling afterward?
After browsing this site for some time if the Mon sexual wife thing is not that they don't like sex but a passive aggressive way of punishing their partner for some real or imagined "crime"

In a new relationship they would probably fck like bunnies with a full range of acts
 
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