Wife n I mid 70s. Married 56 years. Wife’s “initiation” is saying “do you wanna lay down?”, so I am initiator mostly. Never “turned down.” Ever.I know the results will vary for this but just curious to see how other couples rate.
In my situation:
I’m Male 42, Wife is 40 (two kids early teens)
Together for 25 years. Married for 17.
She initiates 1-2 a year. I probably get turned down 6 out of 10 times I initiate.
Sex usually 2-4 times a month.
Seems she is very resentful for some reason. M-Th consists of her climbing in bed and rolling onto her stomach?!? What is that all about? The message IMO is OK, this is what I have to put up with. And she has to have some alcohol to be much interested at all? Is she just "putting up" with your initiating? So wouldn't expect she would ever initiate.We can be having a nice night, touchy feely etc whilst on couch then in bed if I make a hand move to certain places her hand will immediately push me away. Tried kissing her and can tell by the fact it’s just a peck in return when she’s not interested. Suggested scheduled sex said she couldn’t think of anything worse.
It can’t be fixed. Sorry but you have nothing to work with.I’ve tried implementing what’s in the NMMNG book and when I try to be more assertive I get a snarky remark of “you just want it all the time” and “why must you grope me every time we hug” which isn’t true, I only do that every now and then.
Nothing I’ve tried has lit a fire in her. I’ve been working out more, trying to get into better shape, tried being more assertive, tried planning more of our family things so that she’s not always making decisions. I even tried telling her what I want to see her wear in the bedroom and she pushes back saying she doesn’t know how or it feels silly to her.
What is amazing is when I was a little kid, we lived in a town with a high catholic population. At least 5, 6, 7, even 8 kids was not unusual in a family. Don't recall any of the mothers being stressed. In fact they all seemed pretty happy, chattering over the back fences with one another while they hung up the laundry on the line. They would put the older kids to shepherd the younger ones and was no big deal. In my family history ( though we weren't catholic ) there were families with 10, 12, 14 kids. Guess the men really liked their wives and visa versa.So besides that Ms. Lincoln, how was the play?
In all reality, you have so many kids, your wife is probably stressed to the hilt. - 6 kids? that's a whole house of craziness. My house is nuts with 5 people in it.
Good! You not giving a crap what she thinks is breaking through. Next time she says something similar just tell her talk is cheap.She said she has to try harder because she knows if another woman gives me attention she’s not giving me, I’ll be tempted. It’s the only time she’s said it and hasn’t done anything since.
She has no interest in sex period.
In another of your threads you said the followingshe does feel bad about her lack of sex drive,
Actually it is between the age he is now (62) and when his own libido tanks. Which if he left his testosterone alone could be 5 years +-. So his potential active and interested time could be tolerable. If he got his wife cranked up somehow, the stars could align to tank his interest. Or major illness intervene.The only question is, between now and dead, is this the way you want to live your life.
What is his realistic alternative?You should show him how it can be done by going a decade like that yourself. Why not? No one has a libido when we're dead so keep that perspective in mind.
Maybe. Have no idea what is “normal”. At least one frequent female poster often writes that is just how it is and ‘men’ just need to accept it. That is true because by that age it is too late to “start over”.When I have complained to her about lack of intimacy she says, at our age this is to be expected, quite normal she says.
You would have to ask the uninterested party the question. I think maybe it is analogous to an enthusiastic gardener married to someone allergic to flowers.Guess I always saw it different than some. If something costs nothing and feels so good, then why not? Great way to pas some free time away. Great way to stay close to each other. Seemed like a complete win/win?
Us too. And not to sleep either. Of course we are retired so no workMy wife and I are usually in the sack every day.
I will submit your "problem" is maybe solved, if she is indeed serious. If you will read the scientific paper @Laurentium linked to in another thread, you will see this is in fact the defacto norm for a woman who has been married a long time. Look up "The Female Sexual Response: A Different Model" There is a diagram that will explain how it works. Responsive Desire is the norm and maybe the only game in town with a lot of females. They don't start out aroused, but will become aroused with some effort by their partner Look at the diagrams in the paper.she expects me to initiate and she will accommodate my need for intercourse. She doesn’t need it nor does she ever think about it.
Predict it will go wellI just need to continue taking charge now and see where it goes.
So what does this mean? She wants you to initiate? Is it possible you are talking past one another? She says something but you interpret it differently from what she meant? Or she isnt saying what she means.I’m being told she expects me to initiate and she will accommodate my need for intercourse.
Actually, a dog would be much better friend than she is. Let her huff n puff n get herself to work she hates. I bet she is a real prize on the job. Hope she doesnt deal with customers.This is a woman who doesn't deserve to be married.
A friend would treat you better.
I thot you were on exit plan to Feb ‘23. I thot your wife had checked out n called you a$$hole all time. Why are you putting yourself in position to receive incoming fire?Man, I got shot down in flames again this morning!!
It is probably mostly inertia, a body at rest tends to remain at rest. With a pinch of hopium. Kinda like Lucy holding the football for Charlie Brown, pulling away as he kicked it. No matter how many times, he just kept coming back for more., if men would be tolerating this type of thing as often as they
