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Me 47 wife 47
Kids 21&23 …. Pretty much out the house but still around a lot
Married 25 and been together since high school

We fell into the mommy/daddy trap while raising the kids and lost sight of our roles as husband and wife. At this point sex was probably only twice a month and relatively unadventurous. Score rate probably 50% and wife never initiated.

The turning point:

I took an inventory of my life one day after a fight with my spouse and decided for me the only option was a marriage of the husband/wife dynamic based on mutual respect and blanketed in passion. The days of the kids being her/our #1 emotional investment needed to close out immediately and I was going to do absolutely anything to make it happen including an immediate divorce. I dropped the nuclear bomb on her and gave her the option of either an awesome marriage or being single. We decided we wanted an awesome marriage and I gave it a 6 month time frame for each of us to get our own chit cleaned up and set back straight. I was not bluffing to her and she knew it. This forum is one of the tools I used to better myself as a proper leader of a husband.

These days sex is pretty insane and way better than anything we did even as teenagers. Sexuality is a comfortable topic in our conversation and there is a near constant sexual tension between us. There is no such thing really as “who initiates” because it just kind of happens. Of course there are many “hard initiated” moments but each of us already know the other is interested before it happens. We do not turn each other down ever as we are both willing to have a go pretty much anytime.

The best things I have ever done to improve our sex life is to have genuine interest and desire in her outside of our sex life.

My wife is a completely reserved conservative angel in public and most people would be shocked if they knew what went on behind our closed doors
 

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@BIL310 you know not to pick on you but you are like very very very many of the people that show up here and want advice on how to fix your problems. That part is completely understandable. However what is not understandable is how they think they can find some type of solution here after there marriage has been smashed to bits eons ago. Like all those others you are too late …….way too late to fix much of anything. No phoenix will rise from the ashes of a burned down marriage…..EVER.
 

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Wait, we need a post on exactly how you made this happen. How long ago was that and how old were the kids at the time? Were you resigned to getting a divorce or did you think it could actually be great?
About 6 years ago…

15 and 17 I reckon

I knew that it could be great because it once already was pretty dang good before the kids came along.

I didn’t care so much about weather it would be great or get a divorce. What I did know is that I had a hell of a lot to offer and I could find a great marriage on my own because I would settle for nothing less. I wanted that woman to be my current wife but I wasn’t going to let that influence me at all…. that was on her to make happ


I showed up at TAM after the fact but found it confirmed a lot of what I had figured out on my own after 32 books and countless hours researching sexuality and male/female relationship dynamics and taking every single psychological test I could find to learn as much about myself that I could. I worked on MYSELF and it was HER job to work on HERSELF

The bottom line is we both wanted it and fixed our own accountabilities. Secondly our marriage was never terrible and neither of us ever did anything to burn it down but I refused to carry on with a roommate mommy and live as strictly my children’s daddy.

Moral of the story:

Never give yourself away to someone else’s life.
Know what you want.
Fear nothing
Just shut up and do the f’n work
 
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