How many times are you turned down after initiating sex?

BIL310 said:

I know the results will vary for this but just curious to see how other couples rate.

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I'm 51, my wife is 52, we've had two kids together one is 22 and the other is 19.

We've been together for 26 years and have been married for a bit over 23½ years.

My wife usually initiates sex about a ⅓ of the time. I get turned down, I don't know? Maybe around once every 12-15x that I initiate.

We share sex together usually at around 24-32x a month, yet there are still times when it is a bit more often.

That said, knowing how much sex other couples share, is unlikely to make any difference to how much you and your wife share.

GoodDad5 said:

There’s no passion and no variety. I get the same snack every time.

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No therapist or counsellor is going to make your wife become someone she isn't.

Of which you would do well to accept her as she is, and stop wanting more from her than she will give you. Or you should simply let her go and see what that gets you.

@BIL310 if you find that your wife seldom wants to share sex with you, and has no desire to change that. You would do well to set her free, from the burden of sharing sex with you.

Livvie said:

There are also.lots of women in the world who DO love to have sex many days in a row. Week after week, year after year.

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Yep there are lot of women like that, and I'm happily married to one of them.

Of which despite what the naysayers claim, kills sexual desire in women. My wife has had wedding cake, inclusive of being 23+ years (26+ years together) into her first and so far only marriage. She has been on different birth control from the oral contraceptive pill, through the Mirena IUD), has raised now adult kids, inclusive of vaginal deliveries and breast feeding them. Has gone through menopause (isn't on any HRT), has survived breast cancer and thyroid problems. Has a full-time professional career. Does laundry, dishes, vacuuming, cleans the bathroom etc, cooks food, has friends, has hobbies and even uses social media. Yet she desires lots of sex, very frequently, and doesn't need to and has never self medicated herself in order to enthusiastically share that sex.

BIL310 said:

A no turn down policy would make a massive difference to our marriage and sex life.

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It really wouldn't help at all.

The fact that your wife feels for the most part (as proven by her actions), that she needs to get drunk, in order to share sex with you. Ought to be enough to tell you that she doesn't want to share sex with you. All of which wouldn't be helped by asking her to never turn you down.

That said given your situation, I don't know why you think trying to push the overfilled cart, backwards against big rocks up the hill, is going to make this better. When it would be sensible, to just let that cart roll down the hill to its fitting end.

TinyTbone said:

When one partner gives up, but controls the relationship,

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Are you a man or a mouse?

C'mon man, surely you're better than this.

You control yourself and consequently control your marital relationship, just as much as your wife controls herself and her half of your marital relationship.

Seriously, for your own good. Please stop buying into this victim card nonsense, and stand up instead of wallowing in being pathetic.

So isn't it about time, you take responsibility for yourself? And stop with this idea that you're a victim, when you are a volunteer.