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To answer your question and to stay on that point, rather than addressing things you didn't ask about, anger doesn't just go away. You have to actively address it. Besides the EA and having to make significant life adjustment in response to this sudden stressor, you may have other issues in other parts of your life that relate to the anger. Such as all the compromises you made in the past, and all the opportunity cost you incurred in this marriage willingly in the past under certan assumptions that you now find violated. It would be best to talk to a therapist and to be entirely honest about what you think, and also what you dream about, and the extent to which it's now interfering with your life. Your anger is yours, even though it came to you through a situation someone else in your marriage had a hand in. How you respond to the emotion of anger is something that is under your control, but of course it is overwhelming. Besides therapy, you might find short-term Rx helpful in giving you relief needed to secure what is good and stable about your life (or can be) and to have some rest at night. Also you might find you need/want/benefit from having some increased alone time or time with friends to do with as you please, for mental and emotional 'stretching' and to have a life that's not entirely dependent on home life. This might be a little sidetrip from the life you became accustomed to as a family man involved in church along with all the other things involved with being a family man (work, kids, chores...)

So, anger isn't just going to go away. It came wtihout any heads up, but you have to welcome it as a sort of difficult guest. Having intense anger is kind of one of those stages of life that tends to happen after you grow up, so it's one of those things we don't learn from mom and dad, unless they are open with us when we're kids and they're dealing with something. I myself saw my parents angry, but they didn't manage it. I think it killed my father, and in my mother it seemed to be a manifestation of her mental illness. So I was very serious about taking care of anger, and was successful in doing that.

Good luck!
 
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