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12 Posts
I can't take much more of the pain and rejection. I feel like I'm exploding on the inside. I can't think straight, my work is suffering, my body hurts, I can't eat, and my mind is racing all the time. I can't sleep.
The short story is that my wife (37yo, married for 11 years) told me after several years of being emotionally neglected by me, she no longer feels like she wants to be with me. We still "love" each other and treat each other with respect, but the spark is completely gone from her eye. She even backs up when I try to get within a few feet. Is her emotions being channeled to others, possibly another guy? I am pretty sure the answer is yes but only because she was so unhappy at home. I don't think it is physical but she is on her phone emailing alot. We grew so far apart that I forced her to never be home, while I stayed home with the 2 kids and did all of the domestic duties. It has created alot of anger and pain and feelings of neglect for both of us.
We went through marriage counseling for several months this summer to try to work it out. We stayed together at the house but things never healed between us. We did spend alot more time together (she was home every night), and went out to eat alot together (almost every day), and had a great time (and spent alot of money). We laughed alot, talked alot, and cried alot. But through all of this, the emotional distance is still there between us. She doesn't seem interested in affection, hugging, holding hands, or any of that type of stuff at all. It feels like we are roomates who sleep in the same bed. Except the underlying stress is eating both of us from the inside out.
Two weeks ago, we decided I would move out to see if things will change for us. Everything is very amicable and the children are well cared for. They come first. We take turns staying at the house on the weekends and we each have 2 weeknights with the kids. That part is working good so far.
But the stress I am feeling everyday is destroying me inside. I don't know how she feels but I did not think it is nearly as bad as me. She has a strong network of friends to lean on. I don't. I don't think her feelings will change during this time apart (how can they?) and I am preparing myself mentally for a divorce.
I'm limiting my texting to just things related to the kids and we have spoken/seen each other only once. I read lot about the 180 on this forum, but I can't find out what that is exactly. Does anybody have a link to what the 180 is exactly?
My main questions are: Is there anything that I can do to win her back and how long does the pain of divorce last?
I know these are not easy questions to answer decisively, but I am out of options to make myself feel better. I hope that writing on this forum will help in some way.
Thank you for any response.
The short story is that my wife (37yo, married for 11 years) told me after several years of being emotionally neglected by me, she no longer feels like she wants to be with me. We still "love" each other and treat each other with respect, but the spark is completely gone from her eye. She even backs up when I try to get within a few feet. Is her emotions being channeled to others, possibly another guy? I am pretty sure the answer is yes but only because she was so unhappy at home. I don't think it is physical but she is on her phone emailing alot. We grew so far apart that I forced her to never be home, while I stayed home with the 2 kids and did all of the domestic duties. It has created alot of anger and pain and feelings of neglect for both of us.
We went through marriage counseling for several months this summer to try to work it out. We stayed together at the house but things never healed between us. We did spend alot more time together (she was home every night), and went out to eat alot together (almost every day), and had a great time (and spent alot of money). We laughed alot, talked alot, and cried alot. But through all of this, the emotional distance is still there between us. She doesn't seem interested in affection, hugging, holding hands, or any of that type of stuff at all. It feels like we are roomates who sleep in the same bed. Except the underlying stress is eating both of us from the inside out.
Two weeks ago, we decided I would move out to see if things will change for us. Everything is very amicable and the children are well cared for. They come first. We take turns staying at the house on the weekends and we each have 2 weeknights with the kids. That part is working good so far.
But the stress I am feeling everyday is destroying me inside. I don't know how she feels but I did not think it is nearly as bad as me. She has a strong network of friends to lean on. I don't. I don't think her feelings will change during this time apart (how can they?) and I am preparing myself mentally for a divorce.
I'm limiting my texting to just things related to the kids and we have spoken/seen each other only once. I read lot about the 180 on this forum, but I can't find out what that is exactly. Does anybody have a link to what the 180 is exactly?
My main questions are: Is there anything that I can do to win her back and how long does the pain of divorce last?
I know these are not easy questions to answer decisively, but I am out of options to make myself feel better. I hope that writing on this forum will help in some way.
Thank you for any response.