[EnjoliWoman]

I'm curious... and talked with my female coworkers and friends. The answer varies quite a bit (as I would expect) but I'm also very interested in mens' perspectives.

This stems from my boyfriend breaking it off saying he thought he would feel something after 6 months of dating and he's not sure he's capable right now. I'm thinking no, he shouldn't necessary be in love with me after 6 months - especially considering he was still in love with his STBXW this time last year and he may not be capable for a while. I wasn't expecting it any time soon.

A female coworker (35, never married) just got the "ILY" from her boyfriend after 10 months of dating. I was pretty sure I loved my BF after about 4 months. The female coworker still isn't sure she loves her boyfriend. My best friend was madly in love with her husband of 15 years after dating 2 weeks and moved in after a month.

So obviously a wide range... I'm also interested in the stories behind them.

 

[CandieGirl]

I fell in love with my H very early on...within just a couple of weeks. But I didn't say anything. I just enjoyed the feeling...

After about 3 months, he slipped me a little wax envelope with a gemstone in it, and told me he loved me. We were in a cute little blue's bistro in the town where I used to live...it was crowded, we were jammed up against the bar. We kissed.

4 months later, he proposed, and we had my engagement ring made with the gemstone. Married 7 months after that. We haven't been without our challenges, but I love him, and I love our story.

He tells me that he knew early on, too.

 

[Mavash.]

I knew by the 3rd date that my husband was potentially the ONE. I tried to slow things down to no avail. Within 2 weeks I was falling hard for him and he for me. He said ILY at 6 weeks and within 4 months I had moved in with him. A year later we married. I don't recommend moving this fast but hey we were young and in love what can I say?

 

[Jellybeans]

There is no timetable on "falling in love."

Be glad this guy dumped you. Sounds like he wasn't that invested in the first place.

With my exH, I'd say it was just a few months to six months?



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[Cosmos]

I think we can fall in lust pretty quickly, but believe true love can only come from actually getting to know someone and knowing what we actually love about them, rather than the fantasy created by lust.

I thought I loved my partner around the 3 month mark, but what I feel for him now, 2.5 years down the line, makes it pale in comparison.

 

[EnjoliWoman]

There is no timetable on "falling in love."

Be glad this guy dumped you. Sounds like he wasn't that invested in the first place.

With my exH, I'd say it was just a few months to six months?

Yeah, I don't think there's a time table. It just made me curious. I think he's right when he said he's not capable of love yet and honest when he said he wasn't sure if he's permanently "damaged". I think if he meets the right one he'll realize he IS capable of love - I'm just not it.

But the huge disparity among my female friends made me curious. I don't have any experience in this except for this one time.

 

[Mavash.]

Personally I think if you (or he) aren't in love within 6-9 months it's time to move on.

I dated plenty and it's either there or it isn't. Period end of story.

That said your boyfriend was wise for breaking up with you. He did you a huge favor. Be grateful.

 

[CandieGirl]

I've experienced love a few times over the course of my life...and it never took all very long.

 

[Tikii]

My husband told me he loved me after 1 month of dating. I was also in love with him at that point.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[Goldmember357]

in regards to a true consummate love existing there is no time limit! I know a couple who married after a few months of knowing each other!! and are in their 60's and still madly in love after like 40 years! they do everything together from picnics to movies to exercising

its really nice to see though. you can see the sparkle in their eyes towards each other

 

[Jellybeans]

Wait wait--

Enjoli--was this your married boyfriend? The one with the gaggle of female friends he kept hanging out with? The one who wouldn't introduce you to his people cause he "wasn't ready for that?"



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[Goldmember357]

different types of love exist

the consummate love aka the true love is the love in which you are with that person till you die. That is the love that will never die


few will ever enjoy it.... its rather sad the human condition that is and the destruction man places upon himself

 

[kipani]

It happened for me.. With my first serious boyfriend after about a year and a half. With my second, within.. I'd say around 3 months. Sorry about your boyfriend. You're a sweetheart, you'll find somebody worthy of you.

 

[julialisa]

My boyfriend recently told me he loved me after 4 months of dating, and I didn't say it back...which I feel terrible about. I do feel like I'm falling for him, but I went straight from a very long term relationship to dating him and I want to be absolutely sure before I say those words again.

 

[Honeystly]

I think I felt I loved my STBXH during about 4 month mark. Before that, I was just ecstatic to get to know him. I knew we had potential... but I was definite around the 3 year mark. That seems to be the time for me when I can either envision a future for life, or decide that it was after all affection/lust/infatuation/whatever. Before 3 years, you can feel you love the person, but you really don't know the real them (just them on their best behavior/what they want you to see). Only after I truly know a person can I feel honest love.

 

[EnjoliWoman]

Wait wait--

Enjoli--was this your married boyfriend? The one with the gaggle of female friends he kept hanging out with? The one who wouldn't introduce you to his people cause he "wasn't ready for that?"

Yup, the SEPARATED from WW boyfriend. Isn't ready for any of it. And I always feel the need to clarify because I am not a husband stealer and feel that referring to him as 'married', although technically correct, makes me look like I am dating a cheater. And he has a huge gaggle of friends of both genders, just want to meet them if it's going anywhere.

When asked if he wanted to pause, rewind or stop, he said definitely not stop, but he has to fix himself before he can love. To me, thought, that's still on the path to 'stop'. So I don't think I'll ever meet the friends.

 

[CandieGirl]

Yup, the SEPARATED from WW boyfriend. Isn't ready for any of it. And I always feel the need to clarify because I am not a husband stealer and feel that referring to him as 'married', although technically correct, makes me look like I am dating a cheater. And he has a huge gaggle of friends of both genders, just want to meet them if it's going anywhere.

When asked if he wanted to pause, rewind or stop, he said definitely not stop, but he has to fix himself before he can love. To me, thought, that's still on the path to 'stop'. So I don't think I'll ever meet the friends.

Bah, you're defo not a husband stealer...my own H was just in the process of finalizing when we started dating, and in no way would I ever have referred to him as a married man. He'd been legally separated years. That being said, mind you, he's darned lucky he was in the final stage of his D, otherwise I'd have moved on. The 2 BFs I had prior to him were both separated, but one let me believe he was actually divorced! (flush) The other initiated D proceedings and his walkaway-wife "just couldn't bring herself to sign the papers" when she got served.(flush)! So while I don't think you're a husband stealer or that you date cheaters, I do think that you should be careful with separated guys. You never know what can happen. Don't wait around...get out there and date, and see what happens!

 

[Honeystly]

Dating a separated guy is getting in a way of possible reconciliation. No matter what HE told you... there is always the wife, the other half. That's what I'm going through right now and it sucks. My stbxh just moved in with his 18 year old gf.... I have no shot at making it work for the sake of my 2.5 year old and 9 month old. Separated is still married. Give the marriage a chance in the future. You might be a lovely person, but you need to let things heal, give people a chance. As they say: it ain't over, till it's over.... and it ain't over till the divorce is through.

 

[EnjoliWoman]

Dating a separated guy is getting in a way of possible reconciliation. No matter what HE told you... there is always the wife, the other half. That's what I'm going through right now and it sucks. My stbxh just moved in with his 18 year old gf.... I have no shot at making it work for the sake of my 2.5 year old and 9 month old. Separated is still married. Give the marriage a chance in the future. You might be a lovely person, but you need to let things heal, give people a chance. As they say: it ain't over, till it's over.... and it ain't over till the divorce is through.

Uh, it's over. I'm not standing in ANYONE'S way. SHE cheated on HIM (twice, R one time already) and this last time did NOT want to R and is still dating the OM. Who happens to be married, still living with W. Even if she broke it off with the OM he has no intention of reconciling again. But he was pretty hurt by it all and is not ready for another relationship even though 6 months ago he thought he was.

 

[CandieGirl]

Uh, it's over. I'm not standing in ANYONE'S way. SHE cheated on HIM (twice, R one time already) and this last time did NOT want to R and is still dating the OM. Who happens to be married, still living with W. Even if she broke it off with the OM he has no intention of reconciling again. But he was pretty hurt by it all and is not ready for another relationship even though 6 months ago he thought he was.

Exactly. It's 'over' when they don't even want one another anymore, in any case. It's not as though his STBX was at home pining away for him, is it?

I once dated someone who wasn't ready to settle down, and told me so upfront. Fair enough, right? So we dated only casually, and when he decided he was 'ready' it was too late, as I had met someone else. Then, he was pissed because I'd moved on! Just enjoy your life, Enjoli. Some guy's just arent' ready and are usually not worth the possible drama.