[almostsingle30]

In September my husband told me he was unhappy and lived me, but wasn't in love. We have gone to 4 mc sessions. I have found them helpful, but my husband not so much. He still wants to go, but he is spoon up and down. I am going to fight for this marriage, but it is so hard when most of the time it is me fighting. How long do I live like this and fight? We have a 5 and 2 year old sons. I am just struggling...help!

 

[pandorabox]

None of us are in love ( maybe a few) after many years of marriage. But we still love the partner. There must be more he is saying, what problems are you having? Can you elaborate more so we can help better?

 

[unbelievable]

Father of two sons basically announces his desire to leave the marriage. He and his wife go to counseling x 4. Wife is hopeful but him, not so much. Very odd, I think. Assuming their situation is fairly typical, he is going to suffer, financially, AND he's going to lose 90% of his contact with his kids...all that and he loses his wife. If his September announcement just came out of the blue, I'd be wondering who the other woman was.

 

[pandorabox]

What did he talk about in MC?

 

[soAppieTogether]

My wife and I have separated multiple times and I just filed for divorce. I tried all kinds of things including MS, books, classes on parenting, etc. My wife continued to be emotionally abusive, saying hurtful things and doing things she knew I didn't like (like being on FB all the time where she has old relationships. etc. etc. I still want to fight for the marriage because I love her, but like you I felt like I have tried everything. I was told sometimes one person leaves the relationship before another (emotionally speaking). I'm very confused, too. I wish we could both take a pill to forget our past and then we could fall in love again, which I believe would happen. For us, it's all about the past. Her and I have done some not-so-wonderful things during the relationship. Some are years old, and are still being brought up.

 

[This is me]

In September my husband told me he was unhappy and lived me, but wasn't in love. We have gone to 4 mc sessions. I have found them helpful, but my husband not so much. He still wants to go, but he is spoon up and down. I am going to fight for this marriage, but it is so hard when most of the time it is me fighting. How long do I live like this and fight? We have a 5 and 2 year old sons. I am just struggling...help!

That sounds like the ILYBNILY you line, that is usually the sign of another person. Does not always mean their is a PA, sometimes an EA or can even be a friend, sibling or anyone they are confiding in and making them detach emotionally.

If you are fighting, sometimes doing the opposite will get you surprising results. Don;t fight. Do some of the 180 and be independent. This will sometime make them sit back and take notice.

It is good that he will continue with MC even if he is saying it is not helpful, it really is or he would not go. Keep that to yourself.

My wife in her MLC fog last year claimed the same and was very stoic in the sessions. But kept going. Things are much better now. Patience, space and boundaries helped till she got through it.

 

[Chuck71]

Sometimes you have to let go of the very things you love the most. You can only go so far alone. Your story is quite typical. I had a love of a lifetime in college and when we first split, yeah I was a mess. But after about a month I went to the lake and tossed the forever ring she gave me down into the water. For some reason Bonnie Tyler's Total Eclipse of the Heart was playing in my car when I did it. I let everything go, had that one cry and it got better. Granted it was young love but love is love age regardless. Kids do complicate the situation. Three weeks later I was dating a girl and she started chasing me like I was Mel Gibson in 1987. The moral is what I stated......back away, focus on your children and you. Let him see what he is walking away from. The ILYBINILWY people realize quick, this is what they may be losing. You can always go home but you are not promised lemonade at the doorstep.