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My wife left for another guy summer 2012. The divorce should be final by the end of the year. So far I think 15 minutes is about the longest I've ever gone without thinking about her betrayal, and although I definitely do not want her back it still hurts.

For those of you a few years past the affair: how long before you went an entire day without thinking about it?
 

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A little over 2 years, but I'm in R, and see reminders everyday.

It's just recently I'm more focussed on life, leaving the past that I cannot change behind.
 

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My EW's affair was is 2011 and the divorce was just finalized a few months ago.

Still think about it every hour of my life.
Still mourn the loss of who I married and still want her back.
Still wake up every morning, expecting her to be there laying next
to me and say to myself "I can't believe that this all actually happened to me."
 

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My wife's affair was pretty limited compared to many and it was 10 years ago. But ive gone several days without remembering. Sometimes I get in a rut (as ive been recently) and think about it several times a day. The memory doesnt always affect me the same way. It can either hurt deeply like D day, or just make me sigh and shake my head. Sometimes I think of it and I feel fortunate those days are behind me.

If my marriage had ended im sure it would plague me.
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In R and almost two years out,I think about it a few days a week,usually something
triggers it.The coward POSOM quit calling/texting and taunting me about four or five
months ago.
Its hard,even with an extremely Remorseful wife....getting better thought.
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My advise is to admit it just didn't work out, that what might have been wasn't in the cards, and get you another baby to love, preferably one younger and better looking. It amazes me that guys who get ditched seem to have this belief that the one they lost had something that no other gal has got. Start dating and she'll become a distant memory. Get the right one and you'll be wanting to shake the guys hand she ran off with. If you think I'm kidding, I'm not.
 

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This is a pretty depressing thread...but necessary.
Yeah it is lol

My advise is to admit it just didn't work out, that what might have been wasn't in the cards, and get you another baby to love, preferably one younger and better looking. It amazes me that guys who get ditched seem to have this belief that the one they lost had something that no other gal has got. Start dating and she'll become a distant memory. Get the right one and you'll be wanting to shake the guys hand she ran off with. If you think I'm kidding, I'm not.
:smthumbup: That happened almost from the get go for me lol. Still it hurts but I knew she was to much of a mess for me to handle. And then when I did end up with someone afterwards I was reminded that much more how nice it is to be with someone thats normal.
 

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I am interested in the answers to this thread. I am 4 months into R (that is going very well). At first I was thinking of it pretty much every waking second. Thankfully, it is no longer consuming every minute of my day, but obviously I still think about it pretty frequently. I know I will never forget and always have triggers, but hope someday it becomes few and far between.
 

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For me it is still an all consuming thing. To think the love of my life, the sunrise and sunset of my day betrayed me like this is beyond anything I ever experienced. Served in combat, lost my oldest brother, youngest sister (she died when I was in Iraq), my dad, ect. I suffer from PTSD due to combat and my wife's betrayal is still gut wrenching.

Had I divorced her I don't think I would be in any better mental shape.

I do understand why people swallow bullets.

In some ways I hate the way my brain is wired.
 

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My wife left for another guy summer 2012. The divorce should be final by the end of the year. So far I think 15 minutes is about the longest I've ever gone without thinking about her betrayal, and although I definitely do not want her back it still hurts.

For those of you a few years past the affair: how long before you went an entire day without thinking about it?
BEM

How long were you married?

How long did you know your wife for?

HM
 

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4+ years out from DD, caught wife in PA, turns out she had been serially cheating for years. R after sitting the fence for a year.

Truth... I have excepted that it will be a daily reminder. It doesn't shake me as before, just a twinge and a shake of the head thing.

Here's the point. I don't let it bother that I have reminders... it's a fact of our marriage now... why pretend?
 

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DD was June 2, 2012. It surprises me when I find I haven't thought of the A or HER for an hour. We are in R, he is remorseful. Some days are better than others. My mind never shuts it off, it seems. The gut-wrenching can't keep any food down kind of thoughts that come with the shock and disbelief are gone, but they've been replaced with a deep-seated ache that never seems to go away.
 

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Little over 2 years and I still cry everyday. Think about it every time I look at him or look in the mirror. When ever I see other couples, watch TV, see reminders in every day things, if has never stopped but it is not every reminder hurts as much as the first day, but sometimes they do.
 

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My advise is to admit it just didn't work out, that what might have been wasn't in the cards, and get you another baby to love, preferably one younger and better looking. It amazes me that guys who get ditched seem to have this belief that the one they lost had something that no other gal has got. Start dating and she'll become a distant memory. Get the right one and you'll be wanting to shake the guys hand she ran off with. If you think I'm kidding, I'm not.
Not so easy being 46 and getting under 40s women to talk to you, let alone date you. :confused:
 

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Not so easy being 46 and getting under 40s women to talk to you, let alone date you. :confused:
Please don't focus on age. I think that advice to get younger and hotter women is just for the purpose of being able to prove to yourself that you still can.....and to make the ex jealous. I would focus more on finding a woman who has a good heart and is faithful.
 

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Not so easy being 46 and getting under 40s women to talk to you, let alone date you. :confused:
Not sure what you mean. I am ten years older and would not have a problem, but I like more mature ladies and if I ever D my wife I know that there are plenty of available women.

I think you should let the under 40's ladies alone and try to find a nice 48 and 1/2 year old.
 

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Why do you need a woman to be happy???

If you aren't happy with yourself, as yourself, by yourself, then you will never BE happy. If you depend on someone else to make you happy, you are depending on them, and that is a huge mistake. I believe that in order to be truly happily married, you have to know you'd be happy NOT being married. Only then are you with someone by choice.
 
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