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How long did it take you to get to know your other half before getting hitched? Do you feel 6months to a year is enough time to make a decision?
 

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Depends upon your age and maturity.

For my 20something children, I prefer to see them date at least a year before marrying (not that they check with me :D).

My two married daughters have (one dated for 6 years from age 14-21, another dated for 2 years) but the son was really whirlwind quick (married in 6 months at age 21). I think him and his wife should have taken more time.
 

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Everyone's different, but 6 months to a year would be way too soon for me. I think it would take me at least 2 years to know someone well enough to want to marry them.
 

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Interesting. I knew immediately when I met my wife she was something special. We dated about 10 months and this June will make 32 years of marriage. She is still the most beautiful person I know. (We did have some very shaky times in the earlier years though).

I like your use of the word commit. You're on the right track. Commitment is the first thing it takes.
 

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My exH and I sort of knew each other at university. But I still think that it was 11 months between first date and elopement.

With my fiancé, interestingly enough, he started talking marriage when I openly raised the issue of his female friend. that was around 11 months of total dating, including the 3 months when he was multidating us. Perhaps he was feeling insecure and was keeping the friend around in case things didn't work out.
 

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I met my husband online in December. Met in person in February of the following year. He proposed either the day we met in person or the next day (such a rushed week, I can't remember which day it was for sure).
 

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Do you feel 6months to a year is enough time to make a decision?
Definitely not enough time!

6-12 months is PLENTY of time to commit to dating exclusively. It is NOWHERE near enough time to get to know someone WELL.

After the first year is when the 'party manners' wear off and you start to see how each of you behaves under stress, when serious compromise is needed, when external factors (long work hours, illness, family commitments or interference) come into play.

Remember, just because you LOVE someone (and they love you) does NOT mean you could make the relationship work long-term. You can LOVE lots of people, you can't make a marriage work with MOST people.

Do you have similar goals?
  • kids: how many? how far apart? wife work out/SAHM? education for them?
  • careers: just husband? both? whose has precedence if a transfer is offered?
  • money: what are your short-term goals? long-term goals? 2nd home or travel or retirement?
  • pets: whose responsibility?
  • location: how will you decide WHERE to live?
  • budget: how much debt does each of you have? how will you pay it down? who's the saver? the spender? how much would you spend on a wedding/honeymoon?
  • sex: are you compatible with how often you prefer it? have a similar interest in trying new things or not comfortable with it? currently satisfied with your sex life? feel comfortable talking about it or suggesting changes?
If you HAVEN'T talked about all this, DO IT. If you CAN'T talk about this because you or your partner would be too uncomfortable, then you've got NO BUSINESS getting married to each other!
 

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met wife, dated 6 months to a year, lived together about the same, got engaged...probably knew in a year, got hitched about year 3.
 

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We were engaged after 6 months and married after a year. It was perfect timing for us. I did not want to wait any longer with the wedding and neither did my husband. My husband helped me plan our wedding and everything was perfect. We have a very good marriage.
 

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We were friends for a couple of years before we started dating. Once we started dating, it was 41 days before we got married. Been married 2 1/2 years. (Hasn't been all pleasant, but we did not live together before marriage).
Posted via Mobile Device
 

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We met in September, moved in together in January, married by May. All under a year. We will be celebrating our 22 year anniversary this May.

Was it or is it a perfect marriage? Not by a long shot. We have had some real rough patches but seriously working through it all now. Marriage is very strong now :)
 

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Remember, just because you LOVE someone (and they love you) does NOT mean you could make the relationship work long-term. You can LOVE lots of people, you can't make a marriage work with MOST people.

Do you have similar goals?
  • kids: how many? how far apart? wife work out/SAHM? education for them?
  • careers: just husband? both? whose has precedence if a transfer is offered?
  • money: what are your short-term goals? long-term goals? 2nd home or travel or retirement?
  • pets: whose responsibility?
  • location: how will you decide WHERE to live?
  • budget: how much debt does each of you have? how will you pay it down? who's the saver? the spender? how much would you spend on a wedding/honeymoon?
  • sex: are you compatible with how often you prefer it? have a similar interest in trying new things or not comfortable with it? currently satisfied with your sex life? feel comfortable talking about it or suggesting changes?
If you HAVEN'T talked about all this, DO IT. If you CAN'T talk about this because you or your partner would be too uncomfortable, then you've got NO BUSINESS getting married to each other!
Yes! What a good list. My wife and I went through things like this to determine if we had the same goals/views on a variety of things from children to toothpaste. I think that agreement on a vast majority is really required. In addition to specific items I think it's important to agree on the method to resolve conflicts. Our style of discussion and compromise was something that fortunately we both shared so even though we didn't explicitly consider it, it has been important to our marriage.

As to time, I think it varies. How long does it take you to know and believe the answers to the points in your list? Do you yourself know what you want out of life? In our case we did so it was very quick.

We were acquaintances for a few years but after we started dating it took about six weeks for us to decide to commit to marriage. We had frank discussions and after two months I presented her with a hope chest as a pledge to plight our troth. At six months I proposed and it was 14 months when we were married. So even though we were quick to commit we built in time which enabled us to see each others actions to be consistent with our words. We have been married now for 23 years.

Some people would need much more time. But spending time is not the same as filtering for compatibility. But I think SGW nailed it. It is about answering what each wants and how each lives up to what is desired.
 

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I wonder what the answers to this question would be if posted in the Separation/Divorce or Coping with Infidelity forums.

I don't think 6 months to a year is anywhere near enough time to decide on marriage.

In addition to the excellent list of items SlowlyGettingWiser posted that couples should be on the same page about, I'd add that couples really need to understand how and how well they manage major and minor conflicts. Does your partner sulk, pout, cry, yell, passive aggressive digs, my way or the highway, call you names, belittle you? Do they discuss or dictate? Do they listen to your concerns, or only focus on their own concerns and expect you to cater to their issues?

I think at 6 months to a year, people are still in the early "in love" stage when the shiny new feel good hormones are activated in your brain. Sex like bunnies, and of course everything else seems like "love can conquer all". When those new relationship chemicals wear off, then you start wanting to kill them in their sleep because of how loud they breathe or resent how much sex you are or aren't having anymore or you're constantly fighting about laundry or laziness.

Real love lasts, so there is hardly ever any need to rush into marriage. Take your time.
 

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OP:

The answers you are getting here are skewed in favor of the very small minority of people who married after knowing their SO a very short time. They are justifiably proud that it has worked out so well!

I think EVEN THEY would tell you that THEIR relationships are the exception to the rule.
 
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