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:(...I survived from a tragic marriage for 3 years and I am separated for 5 years now and had been out of the country working overseas. I met a few but it always ended up to nothing because I always get scared of being into a commitment. I've been longing for someone who can really take care of me and vice versa. But when it is already there, I can't just stay. Or maybe because I really haven't find the one yet. One day, I shifted to another Department at work. I met the rest of the team and they were all guys and all married. In my 4th month, one staff resigned as he got another job out of the company. The team decided to celebrate and unwind after work. But only 3 of us was there and some of their 3 friends from outside. We cooked and had drinks in one of my colleague's flat, Ernie. We all got drunk. The rest of the guys left and slept. Something happened to me and Ernie. I didn't expected it, in the first place we were just purely colleagues, no attractions and all, and worst he is married. His wife left a month ago and went back to our country for their first born child delivery. I didn't meant it to happen and so with him. We didn't spoke for 2 days. But i feel so worried because I don't know what to do. Everybody in our world knew how much he love his wife. I can't even explain why I consent those things to happen between us. And so with him...We spoke and apologized to each other. In my case i felt so humiliated because knowing my status maybe he thought I am easy as that. But he explained to me that it is not the way he treats me, he admitted that he can be attracted to me, he initiated things to happen and i let him. I tried to understand him because maybe he was feeling lonely having his family away from him.So we both agreed to forgive and forget and act same as we used to be, just colleagues at work. We succeed. But after a month, everything turned out differently, we get to have the time together as we've been doing our new project. We go home together as we almost have same area. If there is time, we just hang out and have dinner together, only like that and nothing beyond. I am trying to be with him as I understood he was too much stressed at work already, he even lose his weight and maybe he's feeling homesick also. We became comfortable with each other. He even hugged me when he announced that his baby girl was born. We go to church. I accompanied him when he goes shopping for his family because he is going for vacation. During the last few days of his stay, we became close, we shared a lot especially with the silly and funny things. He was such a sweet guy. 2 days before he left, the team again had a party and this time we went to a bar. We drank but not drunk, in same situation, he asked me to stay with him but I refused. When we both reached to each other's home, we talked over the phone. I can feel he really sound lonely and trying to confide me that he needs me. I wanted to really take care of him, I feel him but I know I can't and I don't have the right that's why I always limit my feelings because I'm scared. I am a decent woman. I value my friends because this is also how I survived...His last days was kinda emotional to me, I started to miss his presence as we always go for breakfast together, he always jokes on me at work, we even play in the office like kids.We both have same feeling, being into ourselves. Before his flight we talked a lot, he didn't promised me anything but he said one day he just realized that he loves to love me. I never answered him back everytime he opens that issue. I know he is only feeling it for now because his wife and his baby is away from him. I've been through that case also when you are alone in another country, no one to talk with after work. It really feels damn so lonely and all alone. But one thing's for sure, I am really missing him. Can anyone give me a sensible advice on what should I do. Shall I just go on with the flow or let it go.???
 

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Forget him.

You were very lonely and made a bad mistake showing that lonelyness to a married man. he was lonely too. You realized it was wrong & you did not sleep with him again. Now you need to realize that it is wrong to carry a torch for this guy. He has a family! Let him get re-accainted in the role his is supposed to be playing.. and with the people he is supposed to be with!.

You were lonely before him. You are lonely now.

YOu WILL find another person to be attracted to.. to share stories with.. to have nice adult conversations with. BUT.. Do NOT do it with another married man. You know in your heart that that was wrong.

Time for self reflection & self improvement before you start dating again. But, my suggestion.. when you are ready.. start looking for Single men to date.

Just a date here & there.. no sex, no committments. Date several different men... THEN if one of them is very compatible with you = you've solved your problem.
 

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Re: Until when and how long??? :(

Its really difficult to read a huge wide block of letters on my 27" screen, please break it down next time.

You are unclear in explaining what happened between you and "ernie". It sounds you are afraid to be alone and might be involved in an inappropriate & unnecessary relationship.

What you have can be called limerance. You are enfatuated by an idea of being with someone (ernie), you are obsessed, you miss him, you want him to take you, you were not even attracted to him.

If I were to offer any advice, it would be to stay away from office romances. Put some solid effort into finding someone outside that area and do not involve yourself with co workers after work for anything and use that time to improve yourself and to look for a mate.
 

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@ Chelle D, tnx for the advice. It's enlightening.
@ CJS, what I have with Ernie is nothing official, when we are together we are acting like we are with each other, he loves to hug me, steal lil' kisses, holds my hands and any gestures a man does to her gf. i am trying not to mis interpret those sweet acts but he himself told me, he just realized he loves to love me.yeah, maybe because he is just really feeling lonely and so with me, but i still get to control my feelings, it's just that im missing him because the last few days he was really just around me most of the time and he meant to do it.anyways, tnx for bearing to read my huge thread :) , as well as the advice. so much appreciated.
 

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One month after his wife leaves to get ready for the birth of their first child he's cheating with you....doesn't say a lot about his character.The one thing you can count on is that he'll lie to you.I mean look at what he's done to his wife and he took vows with her.You say you survived a troubled marriage,yet after 5 years you're still not divorced so maybe you've still got some loose ends to tie up.You also say you're scared of being in a commitment,so could you feel close to this guy because he's already committed therefore somehow safe? You should sort out your life,with counseling if you need it,and get out of this less than honorable relationship.Sadly there's also a young child who's life could be negatively affected by this as well.Hope you do the right thing.Take care.
 

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Can't you find a decent guy ? Don't you realize that a guy who is cheating on his wife who gave birth to his daughter recently with his work colleague and is still pursuing you for a easy f*ck is a scumbag ? What kind of a guy does that ? Why do you value yourself so less ? IS the affair still going on(the kisses and the flirting) or did it stop ?


You say you are decent woman but your actions are scummy. And you are defined by what you do, not what you say? How do you think acting like a gf to a married guy is ok ?
 

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Stay away from him, you're the free ride married men (who cheat) look for. Easy to manipulate, throw some booze your way and it's almost a sure bet to land you in bed. Sweet talk to afterwards and when they're done, you're the type that will just slink away and not say a word to anyone about it.

win/win for them. I'm going to be very blunt here, there is only one thing he likes about you and it's between your legs.

Stay away from him and tell him not to contact you anymore or else you'll talk to HR.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
One month after his wife leaves to get ready for the birth of their first child he's cheating with you....doesn't say a lot about his character.The one thing you can count on is that he'll lie to you.I mean look at what he's done to his wife and he took vows with her.You say you survived a troubled marriage,yet after 5 years you're still not divorced so maybe you've still got some loose ends to tie up.You also say you're scared of being in a commitment,so could you feel close to this guy because he's already committed therefore somehow safe? You should sort out your life,with counseling if you need it,and get out of this less than honorable relationship.Sadly there's also a young child who's life could be negatively affected by this as well.Hope you do the right thing.Take care.
Hi TBT, tnx for ur comments. My ex-husband has another family already.No divorce as it is not legal in our country.Legal separation or annulment can be but it is so expensive that I can't afford it yet. I never asked a single penny from him as long as he won't take my kids....Scared, because I fear that I might end up in to a most worst man again. I was abused and all that is why it is really hard for me to be totally attached to anyone. But thanks really, I will stop it.
 

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Can't you find a decent guy ? Don't you realize that a guy who is cheating on his wife who gave birth to his daughter recently with his work colleague and is still pursuing you for a easy f*ck is a scumbag ? What kind of a guy does that ? Why do you value yourself so less ? IS the affair still going on(the kisses and the flirting) or did it stop ?


You say you are decent woman but your actions are scummy. And you are defined by what you do, not what you say? How do you think acting like a gf to a married guy is ok ?
HI Warlock, tnx for the message. My emotions are that high but I never confessed to him what I really felt about him, I was just riding along with the flow as I am still in the state of weighing why things happened. I know this is all wrong, but his gestures are so strong that I really feel like I'm into it. I know this ain't going nowhere.Thanks really.
 
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