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Discussion Starter #1
When I found out my wife was moving out, and eventually in with her AP, it was devastating. Fetal position devastating. I'm now almost 5 months into this, divorce in progress, and I decided to take an inventory. In what ways is my life better? I no longer have the constant fear of her cheating. She cheated for the first time 6 years ago, then 4 years ago This alone has lifted a huge burden off of me. She can no longer hurt me with infidelity.

I have control over my home and finances, she was terrible with finances and spending.

When I come home, no drama. Peace. She is a very emotionally unstable person.

I can stay single for however long I want and heal. I feel no need to get into another relationship for the foreseeable future. When I'm ready, I can look for a loving, trustworthy woman who will appreciate and respect me.

When it happened, I thought, how can I ever replace her? My best friend, lover, and sex partner? We have this life, we're so intertwined, we're a team.

Now I truly believe I can find a better partner.

There's still pain, but if I keep on looking ahead, and think of the positives, every day gets easier.
 

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thank you so much for sharing this!

my situation is a little different but knowing it does get better and there are positive things on the other side is comforting.
 

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Me too!

My divorce isn't final yet. We are still living under the same roof. I live with the constant pain and fear of her cheating. There almost no trust left. I feel it will be so much easier after she is gone so I can finally begin to heal completely.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Glad my post helped. I could not have imagined getting to where I am right now 5 months ago, but so many people on here, and my own brother who has been through it told me it WILL get better.

It has, and it will continue to improve. I'm going home in a few minutes, opening a cold IPA, warming up a frozen pizza, and sit on the deck in the sun. Free and peaceful, imagining my beautiful future wife :)
 

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Awesome post and gives us guys hope that if the marriage goes south (mine is right on the edge now), there can be light at the end of the tunnel.

Good luck and thanks for sharing.
 

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MC99, thanks for starting this thread. I can honestly say that life gets better every day. My divorce has been final for almost six months and sometimes I'm amazed at how far I've come in such a short time.

At the beginning of the year, I cried every day on the way home from work. It was during this time that I found out that tears actually gush out horizontally because I had to clean my glasses every night. Now, I no longer cry. (Although, I do get wistful from time to time.)

I've never felt so free in my life. Three years ago I quit the corporate rat race and have been successfully earning a living working for myself the last two years. My income is almost equal to the six-figure salary that I gave up. I only have to worry about me and the kids. I don't have to wonder what kind of mood my ex is going to be in when I get home from work. I don't have to put up with once a month duty sex or her stiff hugs or cold kisses. I can park in the middle of the garage and not have to worry about leaving room for her.

So yes, life has definitely gotten better. Do I miss the old her. Of course. However, the old her left a long time ago - I just didn't know it at the time.,
 

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Discussion Starter #14
Count, I understand about missing the old her! That's what kept me in limbo for 3months, thinking in the past, but of course she killed the old her. I thought I could resurrect it, but finally gave up, and that's when I started to make progress. I honestly wish the worst for her at the moment, after what she's done to me and my daughter, but eventually I hope to let go of that and to have no feelings whatsoever for her, good or bad.
 

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MC, good for you! I tell people all the time it gets better and better, but it's such a leap of faith in the beginning. The fear of loss is so overwhelming.

When it happened to me, I was a newlywed, in a new state, gave up my old job, had my money in a house with him, no fault divorce state -- totally vulnerable, totally stuck. I clawed my way out of that and found peace.

It's six years later and I'm happily remarried (for over two years). I did find that good partner and the contrast is A-MaZing. Never settle. Never ever. Date for character, but just heal and enjoy some peace for awhile. You deserve good things.

I think it's so important to get the message out there that it gets better. Because people understandably get paralyzed and are afraid to divorce, or start over. I started collecting stories about new beginnings post-cheater. This is the first one, I'll add others soon. “The Walls in Your House Sing Again”
 

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I have been in the reconciliation process for the last 7 months. A reconcile that I so badly wanted to have happen. It has been a difficult time for me.

In the last few weeks, I find myself backing away from the thoughts that I might actually be happier if we do seperate, and not having anything to do with his EA, but more to do with all the things about my husband that allowed him to do what he did, might just be things I really don't want to live with anymore!

I was so unbelievably dysfunctional over what happened, I can't believe that I am starting not to care anymore...
 

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Well, if you want to redecorate the house, you don't need to have a committee meeting (with Boss Lady having Veto Power)

That lamp of the woman's leg ala Christmas Story? You can put it right in front of the cooler filled with MGD next to your recliner.

There are no calls to check if your schedule meshes with something you were promised to attend.

If, on Friday evening, you get a wild hair up your butt to drive up to St. Louis for a couple days to see the Arc...and maybe a few strip clubs too, there isn't someone to tell you why it can't happen, why it's not responsible, nor tell you about some better (read HER) use for the money.

Money...it's YOURS! (BTW, invest)
 
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