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JW - as I cook breakfast and tend to our three young children, what do your mornings look like for those with young kids? Do you sleep in? Does your spouse? Do you take turns? Are you both up?
I don’t really need to sleep in. I go to bed at a decent time and just can’t sleep in. I feel I have too much to do. So switching days or giving me time to sleep isn’t the answer. But I’m annoyed right now bc DH is still sleeping. As I said, I’m cooking, cleaning, breaking up fights between the kids.
He does this every weekend. We both work full time. I do most of the house work and tending to the children. He does most of the yard work.
I’ve talked to him about it and he’s says why should I wake up, we’re not doing anything? Well, there are things to be done (he doesn’t think it has to be done right then).
And I’d also like someone to talk to as I cook breakfast, watch tv, and just partner the kids together. But maybe I’m having unrealistic expectations so I’m JW what your mornings look like.
 

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My EX would actually scream at the kids if they woke her up so they could spend time with her. I gave up trying to wake her up. Even on Christmas morning, she wouldn't get up so the kids wouldn't be able to enjoy their presents till after lunch. It would always be the kids and I alone in the mornings, which strengthened our bond. They know Daddy will always get up with them.
 

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My EX would actually scream at the kids if they woke her up so they could spend time with her. I gave up trying to wake her up. Even on Christmas morning, she wouldn't get up so the kids wouldn't be able to enjoy their presents till after lunch. It would always be the kids and I alone in the mornings, which strengthened our bond. They know Daddy will always get up with them.
yeah, this is me! Up alone on Easter morning helping them with their baskets. And same on Christmas. I wish he were more interested.
 

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He will pay the price later, like my Ex is now, when it comes to how close the kids want to be with him.
 

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I wonder if this is just morning people, go-getters, planners, do-ers versus non morning people, people who like to relax and enjoy, people who don’t stress about things not people perfect.

I notice those two types of people, it’s their personality. It could be deeper, or it could just be who they are fundamentally.
 

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I wonder if this is just morning people, go-getters, planners, do-ers versus non morning people, people who like to relax and enjoy, people who don’t stress about things not people perfect.

I notice those two types of people, it’s their personality. It could be deeper, or it could just be who they are fundamentally.
I wonder that too. That’s why I am posting to see if maybe there is a good person out there who does or did this and can explain!
 

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Has your husband always been like this before kids?

I notice some men are... it’s hard to explain, but they are passive and kind of wait to be told what to do. My brother is like this. And because she kind of always takes care of things, he can rest knowing that things “always work out”. Whereas his wife is stressing and planning and doing everything because if she doesn’t do them, or prioritize them to her husband they don’t get done.

I personally think it’s strange to continually sleep in while your spouse is up with the kids. I understand the rare circumstance of working late, or having a bad night for whatever reason.
I think that when things like this happen, resentment will build up for you, and he will take you for granted.
In the ideal relationship, both parents are up and starting their day, and helping each other, seeing how their both your kids, and Its both your house and responsibility. Then If one is sick, or doesn’t feel well you can rest knowing things are taken care of. To me, that’s what a equal partnership looks like.
 

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I wonder if this is just morning people, go-getters, planners, do-ers versus non morning people, people who like to relax and enjoy, people who don’t stress about things not people perfect.

I notice those two types of people, it’s their personality. It could be deeper, or it could just be who they are fundamentally.

Not getting up with your children on Christmas morning, Easter morning, etc. which are important days to children has nothing to do with relaxing and enjoying things. Its laziness and selfishness.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Has your husband always been like this before kids?

I notice some men are... it’s hard to explain, but they are passive and kind of wait to be told what to do. My brother is like this. And because she kind of always takes care of things, he can rest knowing that things “always work out”. Whereas his wife is stressing and planning and doing everything because if she doesn’t do them, or prioritize them to her husband they don’t get done.

I personally think it’s strange to continually sleep in while your spouse is up with the kids. I understand the rare circumstance of working late, or having a bad night for whatever reason.
I think that when things like this happen, resentment will build up for you, and he will take you for granted.
In the ideal relationship, both parents are up and starting their day, and helping each other, seeing how their both your kids, and Its both your house and responsibility. Then If one is sick, or doesn’t feel well you can rest knowing things are taken care of. To me, that’s what a equal partnership looks like.
this is what I imagine things are like.
It does make me resentful.
I’m not tired, but I could use help or even just the conversation.
 

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What do your mornings look like for those with young kids? Do you sleep in? Does your spouse? Do you take turns? Are you both up?
My wife always gets up with the kids and does all of the morning stuff. For us, it has almost always been that way. We had a period of time when I was the one doing all of the childcare out of necessity (my wife was hospitalized longterm). It was a challenge because when things suddenly became 100% my responsibility, I had no clue what I was doing. My oldest child had to tell me what the routines were, how to do certain things, what to make so my youngest would eat, etc. Once my wife was home things went back to our normal of my wife doing that stuff. We don't take turns getting up or do it together. I either sleep in or I get up as well but go do my own thing or go work (from home). I stay up late, always have and unrelated to that, I need time to wake up before I can do anything else.

I slept through my kid's opening their Easter baskets, it's not a big deal to me, but my wife woke me up for their egg hunt.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
My wife always gets up with the kids and does all of the morning stuff. For us, it has almost always been that way. We had a period of time when I was the one doing all of the childcare out of necessity (my wife was hospitalized longterm). It was a challenge because when things suddenly became 100% my responsibility, I had no clue what I was doing. My oldest child had to tell me what the routines were, how to do certain things, what to make so my youngest would eat, etc. Once my wife was home things went back to our normal of my wife doing that stuff. We don't take turns getting up or do it together. I either sleep in or I get up as well but go do my own thing or go work (from home). I stay up late, always have and unrelated to that, I need time to wake up before I can do anything else.

I slept through my kid's opening their Easter baskets, it's not a big deal to me, but my wife woke me up for their egg hunt.
does she not ever complain about this to you?
 

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JW - as I cook breakfast and tend to our three young children, what do your mornings look like for those with young kids? Do you sleep in? Does your spouse? Do you take turns? Are you both up?
I don’t really need to sleep in. I go to bed at a decent time and just can’t sleep in. I feel I have too much to do. So switching days or giving me time to sleep isn’t the answer. But I’m annoyed right now bc DH is still sleeping. As I said, I’m cooking, cleaning, breaking up fights between the kids.
He does this every weekend. We both work full time. I do most of the house work and tending to the children. He does most of the yard work.
I’ve talked to him about it and he’s says why should I wake up, we’re not doing anything? Well, there are things to be done (he doesn’t think it has to be done right then).
And I’d also like someone to talk to as I cook breakfast, watch tv, and just partner the kids together. But maybe I’m having unrealistic expectations so I’m JW what your mornings look like.
Yeah I"d be annoyed too. But that's not what it looks like at our house. We have always done things together. Us against the rest (including the kid). Sometimes I would sleep in as I need more sleep than him. But mostly we both get up and do what needs to be doing.
 

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I'm seeing two very serious things here. I came from a broken home so I understand how parents can often NOT be friends or caring partners such as you describe there. The first and most serious issue is that your parental dischord is going to seriously DAMAGE your dependent children even if neither of you can or will see that. There is nothing as destructive to a child than unhappy, conflicted parents and your kids can see all of this even if they don't understand it right now. You OWE your children the best and healthiest upbringing you can give them since they depend on you for nearly everything for several years. Look at this thru you kid's eyes and it will be glaringly obvious what needs to be done in your home. The second serious thing here is the very bad communications between you and your husband so you might consider counseling to learn how to communicate better with each other. Generally, good communications begin with FRIENDSHIP. When your kids see that mom & dad are finally good friends, they will be ever so happy and relaxed. Since you seem to be pulling most of the load, I'd look up a good marriage counselor. Maybe on line? FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR CHILDREN, good luck.
 

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That doesn’t sound good.
It’s ex
I'm seeing two very serious things here. I came from a broken home so I understand how parents can often NOT be friends or caring partners such as you describe there. The first and most serious issue is that your parental dischord is going to seriously DAMAGE your dependent children even if neither of you can or will see that. There is nothing as destructive to a child than unhappy, conflicted parents and your kids can see all of this even if they don't understand it right now. You OWE your children the best and healthiest upbringing you can give them since they depend on you for nearly everything for several years. Look at this thru you kid's eyes and it will be glaringly obvious what needs to be done in your home. The second serious thing here is the very bad communications between you and your husband so you might consider counseling to learn how to communicate better with each other. Generally, good communications begin with FRIENDSHIP. When your kids see that mom & dad are finally good friends, they will be ever so happy and relaxed. Since you seem to be pulling most of the load, I'd look up a good marriage counselor. Maybe on line? FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR CHILDREN, good luck.
Agreed. But, I don’t think he is going to change anything. I have been asking him for years to wake up earlier. That I think it’s Important to watch the kids open their Christmas presents or easter baskets. And to spend time with each other. I’ve told him it makes me resentful. I can’t make him think it’s important though.
 

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Who works outside the home?

Not that it's a determining factor but it's a component, that's a reality.

When the kids were old enough to make their own cereal, they were properly taught to not knock on mom and dad's door until xx am, pick a time, unless an emergency.

Even younger, say 5 yes old or a bit younger even, they were taught to play quietly in their own rooms until xx am, if mommy and daddy weren't up yet.

At infant and toddler, primarily mom got up, because dad worked late, or I'd not, it was a daily call, not a huge deal with our family.

It never turned into a arguement for us.

Granted, DW was a sahm for first six years, and I traveled a lot for business, but neither DW or I were sleep late person characteristically.

When kids were older, generally I got up first and DW sleeps later when can, she's that way still.

In weekends I'm up first 95% of the time. Generally I bring her coffee at about 8, so I can have a poke :p:p:cool::cool:.

We never played the game that "the kids run the house" that would've been a cold day in hell.
 

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I'm not a morning person. My husband and my son are early birds.

I taught my son at a very early age how to help himself to food and drinks. I used to fill his cup with OJ and leave it ready in the fridge so he could get it in the morning. He used to love bread so I used to pack some bread in a little Ziploc bag for his early morning snack. I also used to leave a TV show ready for him to watch.

Even though I'm not a morning person, I have to wake up to send my kids to school every day.

I've never missed Christmas morning or Easter because I'm not a morning person though. I love seeing their faces opening presents. Now that they are older they know they have to wait for mom and dad to open presents.

I sleep in during weekends and holidays. My kids now how to help themselves if they are hungry.

How old are your kids?
 

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But, I don’t think he is going to change anything. I have been asking him for years to wake up earlier. That I think it’s Important to watch the kids open their Christmas presents or easter baskets. And to spend time with each other. I’ve told him it makes me resentful. I can’t make him think it’s important though.
Have you asked him, and not in an accusatory tone, why he doesn't get up early with the kids? Why he doesn't like this watch the kids open their gifts or baskets? (Honestly, it's boring)

You need to get a real answer from him, and there is a real answer. When you talk about it, you need to be calm and curious. You cannot start a fight or try to change his mind. If you do that you are teaching him not to be open with you. The first step is to just listen, accept the way he feels, and discuss it later when you can do it calmly.

My wife wants things done in a particular way and if I didn't do it her way she'd get a little *****y or say I wasn't doing it right. So why bother? My version of getting up with the kids is feeding them cereal and turning on the TV. Done. She has a very different routine and wants things done her way. So she can do them. She's not a control freak but it was enough that it wasn't encouraging for me to do things.

She does it better and I perceive it as being easier for her.

I need time to wake up, she doesn't (at least that's how it looked to me).

I stay up really late (2-4AM) and my wife typically does not. Even if she does that doesn't change things. I used to stay up that late for work, now it's for leisure.

I like sleep.

I'm a selfish person.

A boatload of resentment didn't help. My firstborn, I was too young and immature. My second, wasn't biologically mine and I wanted nothing to do with her. My third, had a lot of health challenges and was on monitors, oxygen and a feeding tube. My wife is a nurse so that was her job. Old habits die hard.

Growing up, my mom did absolutely everything for us kids and my dad did nothing. Monkey see, monkey do.

I have reasons for what I do, you have reasons for the things you do, and your husband has reasons to. Knowing them might make it easier to work with, fix, or deal with.
 

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Discussion Starter #20
Who works outside the home?

Not that it's a determining factor but it's a component, that's a reality.

When the kids were old enough to make their own cereal, they were properly taught to not knock on mom and dad's door until xx am, pick a time, unless an emergency.

Even younger, say 5 yes old or a bit younger even, they were taught to play quietly in their own rooms until xx am, if mommy and daddy weren't up yet.

At infant and toddler, primarily mom got up, because dad worked late, or I'd not, it was a daily call, not a huge deal with our family.

It never turned into a arguement for us.

Granted, DW was a sahm for first six years, and I traveled a lot for business, but neither DW or I were sleep late person characteristically.

When kids were older, generally I got up first and DW sleeps later when can, she's that way still.

In weekends I'm up first 95% of the time. Generally I bring her coffee at about 8, so I can have a poke :p:p:cool::cool:.

We never played the game that "the kids run the house" that would've been a cold day in hell.
We both work full time.
 
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