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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok, hypothetical situation here:

I meet a hot girl who is a very strong born-again Christian. We date, we fall in love and we get married.

We wait until the wedding night to consumate our relationship. Obviously from person to person sexual tastes/prowess in the sack will differ. But are there 'guidelines' a born-again Christian will not cross in sexual relations with a spouse?

I'm not talking rape-fantasies or anything that is way out there. But what about oral/anal sex? Mutual masterbation? For instance would a really strong Christian wife be against anal sex with the sin of sodomy in the bible and what not? What about role-playing? Would that be considered sinful as the two of you are pretending to be people you are not, and in effect, lusting after someone else and commiting adultery/fornication in your heart etc etc etc?

Or in a marriage is it a free-for-all in terms of what you and your wife can/can't do in the marital bed?
 

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Ok, hypothetical situation here:

I meet a hot girl who is a very strong born-again Christian. We date, we fall in love and we get married.

We wait until the wedding night to consumate our relationship. Obviously from person to person sexual tastes/prowess in the sack will differ. But are there 'guidelines' a born-again Christian will not cross in sexual relations with a spouse?
Can't speak for ALL, obviously, but here are the answers in my marriage.

I'm not talking rape-fantasies or anything that is way out there.
This would definitely be a "no way" for us. A little hair pulling, spanking is fine, but not getting carried away.

But what about oral/anal sex?
Oral - yes
Anal - no

Mutual masterbation?
Probably would if my husband was up for it, but otherwise, no. Most Christians I know still adhere to "no masturbation"

For instance would a really strong Christian wife be against anal sex with the sin of sodomy in the bible and what not?
I think that's probably likely for some. Others, it is the risk factors that come with anal sex, including pain, tearing, infections, etc.

What about role-playing? Would that be considered sinful as the two of you are pretending to be people you are not, and in effect, lusting after someone else and commiting adultery/fornication in your heart etc etc etc?
No role-playing here. Pretty much the reason you said. I mean, dressing up in sexy lingerie is fine, but to pretend you are a specific actress or actor or whatever, even the girl at the local Starbuck's... no.

In addition to this, no third, fourth, etc. parties involved either.

Or in a marriage is it a free-for-all in terms of what you and your wife can/can't do in the marital bed?
Not a free-for-all, but I think it is best if you make your preferences known ahead of time so you aren't blindsided after the vows. Some are even strictly against toys, some are not. As you said at the beginning "each is different".
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thank you for your response Maricha75. Third, fourth parties would be absolutely out of the question here as well.

In terms of the role-playing, I didn't mean to suggest specifically identifying with a specific person in a fantasy (like you said an actor/actress etc) but as an unindentifiable non-person? Would it still be sinful to pretend to be the naughty nurse servicing a terminally ill patient without pretending to be anyone other than yourselves?

Maybe just an IMO, but interesting nonetheless.
 

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Thank you for your response Maricha75. Third, fourth parties would be absolutely out of the question here as well.

In terms of the role-playing, I didn't mean to suggest specifically identifying with a specific person in a fantasy (like you said an actor/actress etc) but as an unindentifiable non-person? Would it still be sinful to pretend to be the naughty nurse servicing a terminally ill patient without pretending to be anyone other than yourselves?

Maybe just an IMO, but interesting nonetheless.
Can't say for anyone else, but for me, it's a no-go. Well, I could probably do the nurse thing since I went to school to become a nurse (just never actually finished that course) and I am the family "go-to" for ailments before the go to the doctor...go figure lol. But I wouldn't be comfortable doing the schoolgirl thing or any others which aren't part of me/my personality. But that's JMO.
 

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There is not one way of thinking for all who consider themselves 'born again'. Your best bet is to dicuss this with a woman before you get too far down the road to marriage.

Do not assume. For example do not assume that non-born again women enage in anal sex.. very few women will engage is it. It's not as common as porn will lead you to believe.

Each woman is her own person.. so ask her.
 

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I think the answers are going to be ALL OVER the place... depends on how she viewed sex before being born again, depends on how being born again affects her feelings about her sex life before, eg. is she shameful, guilty, feeling sinful? Obviously of she takes her faith quite seriously then she will avoid anything she believes is sinful, and that all depends on her alone, and the level of interaction and preaching style of her congregation and spiritual leadership.

So... can't answer, sorry.
 

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I too think the answers are going to be all over the place. Some think all things within the context of marriage are great and others think things like masturbation mutual or not are a no no.

I say this because I've done bible studies geared towards Christian women. I found them to be 'kinda' prudish but that's just me.
 

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My wife is a devout Christian woman and trust me, she's no prude. We love fantasies, masturbation is fine as long as it involves one another. Even if I am not present she thinks about me when she does it which is fine. We don't do anal because we personally find it icky. There is no biblical reason for her to withhold any type of sex from you, assuming you marry.
 

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I would think anything between a husband and wife that is mutally consensual would be fine. Ideally, it would be best to discuss the details before getting married.
 

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I too think the answers are going to be all over the place. Some think all things within the context of marriage are great and others think things like masturbation mutual or not are a no no.

I say this because I've done bible studies geared towards Christian women. I found them to be 'kinda' prudish but that's just me.
:iagree:

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I think to assume what ALL people of a certain faith are like will likely get you into trouble unless their faith flat out dictates what should and should not be done and the believer wishes to adhere to those tenets

I would think that some would be very comfortable and enthusiastic about sex within marriage and others have hang ups and taboos. While most would fall somewhere in the middle.

Just like the rest of humanity
 

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There is not one way of thinking for all who consider themselves 'born again'. Your best bet is to dicuss this with a woman before you get too far down the road to marriage.

Do not assume. For example do not assume that non-born again women enage in anal sex.. very few women will engage is it. It's not as common as porn will lead you to believe.

Each woman is her own person.. so ask her.
What EleGirl said.
 

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Ok, hypothetical situation here:

I meet a hot girl who is a very strong born-again Christian. We date, we fall in love and we get married.

We wait until the wedding night to consumate our relationship. Obviously from person to person sexual tastes/prowess in the sack will differ. But are there 'guidelines' a born-again Christian will not cross in sexual relations with a spouse?

I'm not talking rape-fantasies or anything that is way out there. But what about oral/anal sex? Mutual masterbation? For instance would a really strong Christian wife be against anal sex with the sin of sodomy in the bible and what not? What about role-playing? Would that be considered sinful as the two of you are pretending to be people you are not, and in effect, lusting after someone else and commiting adultery/fornication in your heart etc etc etc?

Or in a marriage is it a free-for-all in terms of what you and your wife can/can't do in the marital bed?
The Bible says that the marriage bed is undefiled. In premarital counciling our Pastor said that that basically means, so long as both spouses consent to the actions being done, and no outside party is ever included, anything goes.

Anal sex is tricky. Some women love it. Others, like me, have tried it and hate it. It can hurt a lot, plain and simple. But each woman will be different.

Oral, on the other hand, is something I practice regularly in my marriage. But again, each woman will be different. Roleplay is interesting. My husband and I roleplay, and who we're playing aren't always married. However, he and I are married, so even if the people we're playing out, I don't see how that could be considered fornication. It's a fantasy, at best, but it's still being acted out with your spouse.

I say, it's all good. :) So long as she is comfortable with what's being done.

Also, I striptease for my husband and he and I were raised in church, and serve Christ. :) Some of us can be really kinky.
 

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Thank you for your response Maricha75. Third, fourth parties would be absolutely out of the question here as well.

In terms of the role-playing, I didn't mean to suggest specifically identifying with a specific person in a fantasy (like you said an actor/actress etc) but as an unindentifiable non-person? Would it still be sinful to pretend to be the naughty nurse servicing a terminally ill patient without pretending to be anyone other than yourselves?

Maybe just an IMO, but interesting nonetheless.
This is what my husband and I do. We create fictitious people, sometimes who even have our names, and play out dates and such. It's fun. Hubs doesn't care much for it, since he doesn't think he's a good actor. I love it though.

Also, mutual masturbation is a heck yes for us.
 

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There is no biblical reason for her to withhold any type of sex from you, assuming you marry.
This. :iagree: There're verses that actually backs this philosophy up.
The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other of sexual relations...
1 Corinthians 7:1-5 (NLT)
Sexual preferences really depend on personal values of the person in question. I think this is generally molded by the individual church that person goes to, since there are Believers out there that just accept what others in the church say without challenging it.

But no, there is no biblical reason for withholding sex, and just about everything else is acceptable at the discretion of the couple.
 

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There is not one way of thinking for all who consider themselves 'born again'. Your best bet is to dicuss this with a woman before you get too far down the road to marriage.

Do not assume. For example do not assume that non-born again women enage in anal sex.. very few women will engage is it. It's not as common as porn will lead you to believe.

Each woman is her own person.. so ask her.
I have been with 4 women in my lifetime and not one would even consider anything that had to with anal sex, and I have heard of many other women who refused to as well so you are right about that I believe.
 

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I just want to drive this point home. I am assuming in this scenario that at least YOU were sexually active at one point in your life or another.

Communication is going to be the key here. The rest is not relevant. You need to be able to discuss everything. In my mind a woman who cannot communicate sex openly is probably going to have more barriers then the norm. YMMV and yes when they become active that all might change.

Really its a crapshoot, but if the person you are "into" is very open, honest, and really excited/willing to try anything then you have a potential gold mine.
 

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This. :iagree: There're verses that actually backs this philosophy up. Sexual preferences really depend on personal values of the person in question. I think this is generally molded by the individual church that person goes to, since there are Believers out there that just accept what others in the church say without challenging it.

But no, there is no biblical reason for withholding sex, and just about everything else is acceptable at the discretion of the couple.
Totally agree.

Unfortunately, many people choose to ignore this part of Scripture in their marriage. Some allege that sex is commanded only for lack of self control, and thus the solution is to tame one's sexual urges instead of expecting release (which is misreading the relevant passages). Some wives, notably, say that the command to love your wife as Christ loves the church means you cannot press her on sex (again, not true).

The way to handle this is exactly the same as in the secular realm. You make your needs and expectations known beforehand, along with a clear message that those will be ongoing, not temporary and not a "phase".
 
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