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(Quick background: I have been married to my wife almost 8 years and dated 4 years prior. We have one daughter that is 4.)



I really enjoy giving oral to my wife. Actually I have always enjoyed performing oral sex, also to the women I was in significant relationships with prior to meeting my wife.

I think I have a good idea what she is enjoying and what she is not. She almost always reaches climax when I do give her oral, but she will only let me go down on her maybe once every thirty times we have sex. I suppose it is somewhat selfish on my part since giving oral sex should be for her pleasure not mine, but I love it when she has a strong O when I am down there.

I can think of one thing I know she does not like about oral...Kissing after I've been down there - she says that grosses her out.

Anyone men out there that has similar experience or ladies that can relate to my wife and explain?
 

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I'm guessing that just like some guys don't want anything to do with tasting their own semen, she wants nothing to do with her juices. Whether she grew up thinking sex was dirty or something else caused her to think that, who knows. But she seems pretty clear in her message.

Personally, I couldn't be in a relationship like that. I was close to that one time, when she told me that due to a past bad sexual experience, oral sex for her was not on the menu. Since we were still in the "getting to know you" phase, I decided that was too big of a sacrifice, and not a relationship I wanted to pursue.

Was your wife always like that? Or did it change at some point?

C
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Receiving oral is at the absolute bottom of my list. I don't like it and my husband knows not to go there. I just don't enjoy it (it has nothing to do with him or his 'technique'). So, definitely NOT important.

I'm not grossed out by kissing after, and I definitely didn't grow up thinking sex was dirty. Just how some women don't like anal, I don't like receiving oral. I think everyone is entitled to like and not like various things.

However, I was upfront about this from the beginning with my husband and it wasn't like I sprang it on him after several years of marriage.

If your wife doesn't like it, can you do other things instead that you both like?
 

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not that important imo, i dont mind it :) but the wife has never done it as it grosses her...no biggy to me really.

she use to enjoy me going down there, but now will never let me there. but our sex life is stuffed but id settle for a hand job these days.
 

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Receiving oral is at the absolute bottom of my list. I don't like it and my husband knows not to go there. I just don't enjoy it (it has nothing to do with him or his 'technique'). So, definitely NOT important.

I'm not grossed out by kissing after, and I definitely didn't grow up thinking sex was dirty. Just how some women don't like anal, I don't like receiving oral. I think everyone is entitled to like and not like various things.

However, I was upfront about this from the beginning with my husband and it wasn't like I sprang it on him after several years of marriage.

If your wife doesn't like it, can you do other things instead that you both like?
Just to be clear, I'm not saying that all women that don't like receiving oral are that way because of what I said. It was her response to being kissed after that prompted my comment.

Sounds like you were clear and honest up front, which is an important aspect of a healthy sexual relationship.

C
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Receiving oral is at the absolute bottom of my list. I don't like it and my husband knows not to go there. I just don't enjoy it (it has nothing to do with him or his 'technique'). So, definitely NOT important.

I'm not grossed out by kissing after, and I definitely didn't grow up thinking sex was dirty. Just how some women don't like anal, I don't like receiving oral. I think everyone is entitled to like and not like various things.

However, I was upfront about this from the beginning with my husband and it wasn't like I sprang it on him after several years of marriage.

If your wife doesn't like it, can you do other things instead that you both like?
So there is no reason for you not liking oral .... simply I don't like it. How many other things do you use the "simply I don't like it response to. I'm thinking of adopting this stance in my marriage......... ha right !
 

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So there is no reason for you not liking oral .... simply I don't like it. How many other things do you use the "simply I don't like it response to. I'm thinking of adopting this stance in my marriage......... ha right !
What's wrong with that response? If you've tried something and don't like it, why should you do it (or let it be done to you)? That's a fair response to sexual things, cooking, books, hobbies, whatever. And as she said, they've found other things to fill that gap.

C
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I just made a new recipe for lunch and I didn't like it. I'm a very good cook and I try new recipes at least 4x/week, and I usually love them. This one - I just didn't like it. We ate it, but it won't be going in my recipe notebook. :)

I honestly believe that there is no complex reason behind why I don't like oral sex. I also don't like having my nipples pulled on / sucked on. I could probably come up with a few other things I don't like, but I think if you don't like a few things, but like other things, it's okay to do the things you like, and not do the things you don't like, without having to come up with some kind of complex justification for it.

If I said that I was sexually abused when I was child, then I guess that would be a great justification. But I wasn't. I just don't like it. I'm not going to throw a fit or knee my husband in the face if he does it.
 

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What's wrong with that response? If you've tried something and don't like it, why should you do it (or let it be done to you)? That's a fair response to sexual things, cooking, books, hobbies, whatever. And as she said, they've found other things to fill that gap.

C
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Whats wrong with the response "I just don't like it" is that you are not telling your partner WHY? "JUST BECAUSE" is an answer kids give to a difficult question, but not how committed emotional and sexual partners should communicate. If you don't enjoy something then surely there must be a reason. As far as cooking, books, hobbies etc "just because" is a very shallow response when you can easily express many reasons why they don't suit you. But in a long-term sexual relationship surely it shouldn't be so difficult to help your partner understand WHY you don't like certain sexual things. Or is the "just because" response keeping something uncomfortable to yourself instead of letting your partner help you deal with it?
 

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Whats wrong with the response "I just don't like it" is that you are not telling your partner WHY? "JUST BECAUSE" is an answer kids give to a difficult question, but not how committed emotional and sexual partners should communicate.
Well, luckily for me, since I told my husband upfront, there was never any problem. I can see how if I had let him do it 100 times, then said "I don't like it. Just 'cause" he would be justified in wanting to understand 1) if it something he's doing 2) have I never liked it all this time and 3) why didn't I tell him earlier. But since I was honest, he didn't have to worry that it was something he was doing wrong, or have to rewrite history ("I did that for her 100 times and thought she liked it, now I'm learning that she never liked it - how awful!").

Let's see if I can satisfy your curiosity.

When I do things I do like, I'm 100% there, present, enjoying it. Receiving oral sex, I find the sexual turn-on just goes quiet until we're doing something that I like again. I don't find it painful or uncomfortable. I just don't find it sexually arousing or satisfying. So during oral sex, I have to put forth actual effort to remain "in the moment" and it usually fails. So obvious solution is to start doing something else :)

Have you ever done something sexual and not been turned on by it? Not found it gross or painful or wrong or abusive or perverted. Just didn't find it arousing.

Take for example putting whipped cream on him and licking it off. It's not my thing. I can totally understand why someone would want to do that and even get totally turned on by it, but for me, it's just not sexually arousing or satisfying. Main difference between that and oral sex is that I haven't tried the whipped cream. It's not weird, dangerous, or painful. It's just not one of the things that I get off on.

Does that help you understand why a woman might not like ____________ (fill in any sexual act that doesn't turn her on)?
 

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Hmm... Often when someone doesn't like something, take oral sex, for example, it could be that it just doesn't feel that good to them. It may tickle, or not really stimulate them that much. Or if they're overly sensitive there, it may over-stimulate them and feel painful. Sometimes it can be either or both depending on the day of the month it is. Who knows - if it doesn't feel good to them and they don't like it, believe them and move on to something else.

I myself can take it or leave it. It is not the end all and the be all. Sometimes it just doesn't work and feel as good, and we simply move on to something else - no big deal on either side. :)

You need to be accepting of what your partner likes and dislikes, just like they have to be with you. Be willing to move on and explore other areas if something isn't in the cards that night. That is part of the fun and beauty of sex - exploring things with each other. It doesn't have to be down to the same old routine every time if you don't let it be.

And if you're wanting to do it for some kind of ego boost to make yourself feel good and you're not really taking your partner's feelings in to consideration - well, then that would be all your problem, and I wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't in the cards. That's way too much pressure for your partner to have on them to meet someone else's agenda when you should be mutually enjoying.

Best wishes.
 

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Not important at all. It's actually NOT on my list of sexual things I love to do/have done to me.

He likes doing it sometimes, but I'd rather go down on him and he's happy with that ;)
 

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" I have to put forth actual effort " Comparing a dinner recipe to oral sex is a far stretch to men.

Does that help you understand why a woman might not like _"to put forth effort for her man"___________ (fill in any sexual act that doesn't turn her on)?
 

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kelevra, I don't think you get me at all.

Think of one thing that DOESN'T turn you on. Wearing diapers. Whatever.

Now think about how, on your first date, if you made it perfectly clear to your future wife "I don't like to wear diapers." Your wife was fine with that. Then someone else asked you "Why don't you like to wear diapers when you have sex with your wife?" And then you had to explain it to them.

How would you explain it to them?

How much more clearly can I say "It just doesn't turn me on." He doesn't mind. It's not like I'm denying him BJs or something.

And to be perfectly honest, I don't think that a person should need to put forth EFFORT to be aroused. Maybe I've just been extremely lucky in that I married someone who arouses me naturally. The whole "I'm trying really hard here to get aroused for your sake" makes me even more turned off than before.

If you still don't understand, hopefully someone else can help you. I think I'm all explained out.
 

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I don't mind my own taste. Plenty of times he will pull out of me so I can go down on him. I don't taste bad.
 

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What I do understand is that you made it clear how you felt when the subject was initially approached and H was ok with it, so if he's missing that act there is no one to hold accountable then himself, which is cool and the right thing to do.
As far as the diaper question I would simply state that they don't make diapers that big in the crotch.
We cool ?
 

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Interesting comments by the women . . .

My wife used to LOVE receiving oral as much as I loved giving. For a long time, it was the quickest way for her to orgasm. But, in the last several years, she's lost interest for the most part.

She's told me, "I LIKE seeing you down there, and it still feels good...but, not enough to 'get me off' like it once did." These days, it's strictly a brief foreplay activity.
Yah, this is pretty much me too. Used to love it in my 20's. In my 30's it started to change and it wasn't always a sure-fire thing.

Now I'm in my 40's and I need a lot more/firmer stimulation. I think it's just due to aging and my hormonal profile has changed. I'm perimenopausal - it feels better with firmer stimulation than his tongue and mouth can provide.

It's all right - my husband is essentially in the same boat and requires firmer stimulation as well. That's one of the beauties of growing old together, I guess. You get to see and go through all of these changes together. :)
 

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Discussion Starter #18 (Edited)
Appreciate you all taking the time to respond

As I mentioned we have been exclusively together for 12 years. Yes I screwed around in college with different girls for a few weeks or months at a time, but I would say that I had only about 3-other significant relationships that lasted for longer periods where we would experiment and grow both personally & sexually. So not a vast variety of personal experience to draw from.

Reading your posts and looking back, my wife and I were always orally active, me more giving than receiving from her. However the 2 relationships just previous to ours, oral played a more significant role, both giving and receiving. Although I would have liked it to be as significant with my wife, it never was, so no post marital surprise.

But Damn - I gotta say I really do enjoy it, both giving and receiving. I also love watching my partner enjoy it as much as I do - sorry I just had to get that out!!

Looking forward, I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little disappointed that she is now starting to not even want to receive as much as she use to. I honestly thought everyone liked to receive, how could you not. But as I read others - maybe she liked it but never found it as enjoyable as I do very understandable given my thoughts on the subject or like others maybe the sensitivity has changed over time. All very understandable, but I never would want it to get to the point where she felt like she would "have to" just for me. That is nice and all, but much of my enjoyment is feeling hers anyways.

So at the very least could be a bit of a bummer as it sounds like maybe just the beginning of phasing out of something I really enjoy and/or I can look at it as just a normal part of growing together??
 
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