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Not to be a downer, but it doesn’t happen any more. Neither does simple loving touch. Or sleeping in the same bed.

I don’t recall her initiating at all in the last 10 years, and maybe only a handful in the 16 years prior to that.

It stopped happening with a head turn away from a would-be kiss. After years, I finally got the message.
THIS is heartbreaking...I hope you aren't still in such an unloving relationship...anyone deserves better!
 

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Not to be a downer, but it doesn’t happen any more. Neither does simple loving touch. Or sleeping in the same bed.

I don’t recall her initiating at all in the last 10 years, and maybe only a handful in the 16 years prior to that.

It stopped happening with a head turn away from a would-be kiss. After years, I finally got the message.
THIS is heartbreaking...I hope you aren't still in such an unloving relationship...anyone deserves better!
Agreed. And maybe that's where I'd be if I had gone along with my wife's desires early on, when she said once or twice a month would be fine with her. I had no idea at the time of the issues she'd previously had that led up to that, but I made it clear that wasn't acceptable. I should have tried to get to the bottom of what that meant, back then. Instead I put up with once or twice a week, which she'd remind me was more than she needed.

What I wonder is, can you recover from allowing sex to dwindle to nearly nothing in a marriage? Once you get to a certain age, is it hopeless?

We speak of LD & HD but I'm thinking more apt might be, for some, ND & AD. No desire vs any desire at all. How close did I get to a marriage with my wife going full ND? Could that be happening with the OP?
 

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My wife has an aversion to discussing sex and will talk around it to the max extent possible so when I can’t read her mind...

Sometimes I’ll get a peach emoji. Sometimes I come out of the shower and she’s naked. Sometimes she just rubs my foot while spooning at night.

If I want it, I just tell her I’m gonna have my way her.

I’m sure this could be better but talking about sex is a huge turnoff to her so it is what it is.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

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In both of my marriages, sex was largely a give and take proposition inasfar as initiation was concerned!

I, too, resented the hell out of being forced to make love to a limp sack of potatoes!

Initiating sex all of the time is not a lot of fun!
 

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My husband says, girl you better get ready for me.🤣 the man can really use words.

I am the kisser, I kiss his face up alot and his neck. Then he knows he better get ready 🤣
 

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Either of us initiates, and unless I’m dead tired from work, it’s on. We have some kind of relations on nearly a daily basis. Been that way for 25 years.
 

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My wife is more responsive desire than not at this point in our lives. She's also one who thrives in life as a planner. So what works for us is scheduled sex for the vast majority of our encounters. Occasionally I can initiate and get an extra time or 2 of intimacy, but it's largely 3 times per week. We used to go every other day - except during menstruation week. Our sex life was put together based on compromise. It works for us and she's active during sex - so it's a good set up for us. Definitely have to have some foreplay before any penetration. Kissing and/or caressing. Sometimes massages, etc.
 

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Not to be a downer, but it doesn’t happen any more. Neither does simple loving touch. Or sleeping in the same bed.

I don’t recall her initiating at all in the last 10 years, and maybe only a handful in the 16 years prior to that.

It stopped happening with a head turn away from a would-be kiss. After years, I finally got the message.
That was me before the ex moved out though my numbers were 10 and 11 instead of 10 and 16. During the last 5 years or so, I generally understood that my window was the couple of days where she was ovulating. The day had to be perfect and then there was some point to me trying to initiate. I would try flirting or a suggestive joke when she got home and, if she smiled instead of looking pissed, I would try hugging and kissing later. Actually asking about sex or talking about improving the situation in general was a great way to ensure that nothing happened that month. We didn't do separate beds (even after she told me she was moving out) but resting a hand on her knee or side (depending on which way she was facing) was as much touching she'd allow any other time. Given that it was usually flannel pajamas there's a good chance that it was allowed since she didn't even feel it.
 

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I will say it doesnt either his initiation is ignoring me, no conversations co connection. until he has the need to get off then shakes his d1(k at me and says get naked. TURN OFF. only sees me then because I am what is there.

Last time I intiated I came out with heels and lingerie walked in where he was asked if he liked the blue. I was told to move out from in front of him he was watching TV. Never again did I.
 

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his initiation is ignoring me, no conversations co connection. until he has the need to get off then shakes his d1(k at me and says get naked. TURN OFF. only sees me then because I am what is there.


Please tell me you turn him down when he acts like that?


Last time I intiated I came out with heels and lingerie walked in where he was asked if he liked the blue. I was told to move out from in front of him he was watching TV. Never again did I.


Why are you still with him? I’m sorry but he’s a big time jerk!
 

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I will say it doesnt either his initiation is ignoring me, no conversations co connection. until he has the need to get off then shakes his d1(k at me and says get naked. TURN OFF. only sees me then because I am what is there.

Last time I intiated I came out with heels and lingerie walked in where he was asked if he liked the blue. I was told to move out from in front of him he was watching TV. Never again did I.
Ugh!

Why?
 

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Usually I initiate it. Normally I'll ask her if she wants to "go upstairs" which is our code for "do you want to make love"? We light candles and play romantic music and I take my time. I don't rush things and I make sure she is taken care off. I whisper things to compliment her because she is a little insecure of her body. It's very intense and passionate.

Why Bother-sorry your guy did that. If my wife did that (even if my favorite football team was on) I'd turn the TV off so fast I'd sprint to the bedroom! I hope things get better for you. You don't deserve the disrespect.
 

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In our house the word for sex is VISIT
He says "I would like to visit."
or I say " I am expecting a visit"

Questions like
"Are you staying long?"

have been asked

Not sure how that term was coined but it has always been used since long ago (14 years) That is how it usually starts and then we have names for different things that happen, but I am always the visited and he is always the visitor.
 

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It doesn't - if there's even a remote chance where I can initiate sex, she always ends up really tired and/or has a massive headache. Case in point - went out NYE early for dinner and met some friends out. We were getting home early as we only had the sitter until 8, but figured we could get the kids to bed early then we could go in the basement and have a couple drinks. As we're driving to dinner, she announces that she has a really bad headache (sex wasn't even mentioned - she just made sure to let me know). I almost burst out laughing as it's so predictable. Starting to think it's a habit.
 

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I always try and start things almost everyday for good measure that’s juts who I am . I like to flirt on the phone all day about it if I’m really feeling it . When she wants it she very straight forward and will say she wants it and to be ready .
 
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