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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I've read a ton of threads on TAM and I've seen a lot of advice to demand that the potential or definite Wayward Spouse take a polygraph test.

I've also read around the internet that the reliability of polygraph results are directly tied to the skill and professionalism of the examiner.

How does one determine whether a given examiner is "The real deal"?

Are there certifications, specific experience or qualifications that one should look for?

What are the criteria? How can one check?

I've searched here and I cannot find the answer.

***

Also, can someone describe what one should expect? How many questions, the type of questions, how they are phrased etc.

Is there a place where I can see example questions that one might expect to be asked in a relationship polygraph?

And any other information, especially from persons who have actual experience would be appreciated!
 

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My advice is to not waste your money on a polygraph test. They are not reliable. So what you end up with is some answers that you paid a good bit of money for but that you will doubt.
 

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What's your story you haven't posted it. Just about looking for evidence.
 

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I happen to believe in the tests. There is a reason why the FBI and security agencies use them.

Plus, I also believe that if the cheater knows that the consequences for failing the test is divorce, you are very likely to hear a parking lot confession.
Polygraphs can be useful in certain situations,with a professional examiner who asks hundreds of questions a pattern can emerge where the subject in question can be shown to be lying or at least reluctant to tell the full truth.
In the situation that the op is inquiring about,normally only four or five questions are asked and it is a pointless exercise.You may get the parking lot confession but you may as well be reading tea leaves for all the use they are.
This is coming from someone who has built them.
 

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I know that people debate this a lot.

I have some knowledge about this area. And in a relationship, infidelity situation, they are VERY useful.

Yes some people can beat a poly. Sociopaths, insane people, and HIGHLY trained intelligence operatives.

Otherwise, a regular person will FAIL a polygraph.

Further, for OP, any reputable poly service should be able to do the job. Why would they be in that business, for long anyway, if they were not competent.

People want to harp on the fact that they are not admissible in court, OK. But these situations are not a court of law.

What you are trying to find out is one thing, TRUTHFULLNESS. Or deceit.

You may not get full answers, but you will know that they are lying...
 

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Andy1001 said:
Polygraphs can be useful in certain situations,with a professional examiner who asks hundreds of questions a pattern can emerge where the subject in question can be shown to be lying or at least reluctant to tell the full truth.
You are perhaps one of the most qualified examiners yourself. You have seen "emerging patterns". You know this person very well. Before you waste a lot of time and a lot of money, just ask yourself about the "emerging patterns"....

What you are trying to find out is one thing, TRUTHFULLNESS. Or deceit.
The other thing you really, really want to know is if this person wants to keep his/her marriage....or is he/she willing to throw it away by putting forth no effort to actually rectify the problems. This points to the basic truth, as to whether you should try to "stay" or "go".

Confront the cheater, wait for the response. A void response indicates there is another source of getting his/her needs supplied.

Another reliable judgement comes from the response to the confrontation and the aftermath you bring to it. "Give them enough rope"....if you act in "belief" to the response, what happens? After an interim period which can easily be deceptive, what does the cheater do? Does he/she repatriate him/herself to the marriage?..... or, become bolder and more brazen ?
 

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I know of two posters who made their spouses take polygraphs and have never returned here to tell us what happen...this one poster talked it up for weeks and weeks and then disappeared. and the other one just a week ago.
 

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I know of two posters who made their spouses take polygraphs and have never returned here to tell us what happen...this one poster talked it up for weeks and weeks and then disappeared. and the other one just a week ago.
So what do you think that means...

I am cynical so I think it mean that 1) they discovered way more than they wanted to know and it freaked them out, and/or 2) Everyone that said their spouse was having an affair, was right, and they are freaked out...

There could be other reasons, but cynical me thinks the above...
 

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See f you can find who local law enforcement uses to do their polygraphs. Talk to them and see how many questions they ask. Many people have used the tests here with good results.
 

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Let me preface this by saying I am not a sociopath :)

Because of some former work I did, I had occasion to be a practice subject for training purposes. I beat the test lol.

And as we all know from reading some of my posts, I am given to emotion.

So do with that what you will.
 

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Read the book "Spy the Lie". It gives very specific information on how to recognize indicators of deception. It is not a substitute for a polygraph, but the tools can be really helpful.

A polygraph can be useful, but only in perhaps 2 situations. First, if your spouse is actively working hard at fixing the marriage and is quite willing to do the polygraph. Maybe they cheated or did something which appears to be cheating but wasn't. The other situation would be when a spouse is caught with something and is pretending to be honest, but you sense there is more there they are still lying about. This spouse would not be welcoming of the polygraph but may be playing a high stakes game of chicken with you. In this situation the polygraph can elicit a full(er) confession and possibly jump start reconciliation.

However, imho the second scenario is better served by filing divorce. That is another longer discussion, but if you're in this boat the polygraph isn't the magic bullet you may be hoping for.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Everyone, thank you for your perspectives, opinions and advice.

I understand that the idea of a looming polygraph may be more useful than the polygraph itself, but I am not dismissive of the idea that a polygraph may yield important truths.

However, even after all the valuable information above that you have shared with me, I still don't know how to separate the pros from the Regular Joes.

How would I find out who law enforcement uses?

I have not made any decisions yet I am in research and contemplation mode.

***

What it appears like to me is that making a potential or certain wayward spouse take a polygraph test is something that is often bandied about but rarely actually done.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
I happen to believe in the tests. There is a reason why the FBI and security agencies use them.

Plus, I also believe that if the cheater knows that the consequences for failing the test is divorce, you are very likely to hear a parking lot confession.
This is a very important aspect of the polygraph strategy.
 

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So what do you think that means...

I am cynical so I think it mean that 1) they discovered way more than they wanted to know and it freaked them out, and/or 2) Everyone that said their spouse was having an affair, was right, and they are freaked out...

There could be other reasons, but cynical me thinks the above...
or number 3. their spouse was telling the truth and they were embarrassed to come back....but i suspect that number 1 may have been more to the point....but we will never know unless they come back.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
What's your story you haven't posted it. Just about looking for evidence.
I am not ready to share my story yet, and I am not certain when or if I will ever be ready to share it.

I hope this does not stop anyone from replying with what they feel may be helpful information, but I understand if they feel that way.
 

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or number 3. their spouse was telling the truth and they were embarrassed to come back....but i suspect that number 1 may have been more to the point....but we will never know unless they come back.
You know, I am sure that must happen, right?

Although, I have yet to see it after all these years. If the BS thought or wondered if they were cheating, they were cheating...
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Polygraphs can be useful in certain situations,with a professional examiner who asks hundreds of questions a pattern can emerge where the subject in question can be shown to be lying or at least reluctant to tell the full truth.
In the situation that the op is inquiring about,normally only four or five questions are asked and it is a pointless exercise.You may get the parking lot confession but you may as well be reading tea leaves for all the use they are.
This is coming from someone who has built them.
You build polygraph machines? Used in law enforcement, security settings and the like?

It is interesting to me that you build them yet do not believe in their usefulness.

Can you elaborate please?
 
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