[AngrynScared]

So my husband just found out that he is the biological father of a child who is now 11 years old. He was contacted by Child Support because she's on public assistance. He submitted to a DNA test and the test came back positive. The kid turns 11 in April and now I feel like my whole world has just been turned upside down. I know it's not the kids fault but I am so angry and scared of what this is going to do to us and our future. We've been together since 2004 and have been married 1 1/2. We have financial struggles as it is and now child support is going to take every dime. I'm not saying he shouldn't support his kid but we would've done things differently had he'd known about things before. She had another man tested in 2002 who turned out not to be the father, why didn't she test my husband then!!! She waited 11 years to say something!!!!! I need some positive advice on how to move forward with this. We don't have any children of our own but wanted some soon. I have a hard time accepting this and moving forward with my marriage. How will I afford to have my own children when we now will be paying for his. I'm so scared of what the future will or won't hold for us now. I feel like all my hopes & dreams are crushed. I wanted to be the only woman my husband had children with and shared that connection. He doesn't even remember sleeping with her so he says to me which now makes me think he's been lying this whole time. I need some positive energy and advice from others please. I'm trying to work through this but this sucks. How does my marriage survive this?

 

[seeking sanity]

Personally I think you are being a bit dramatic. Marriages survive all sort of crap, infidelity, children conceived with other women, deaths, tragedies... You're husband got someone pregnant well before you met him. He's never been a father, never experienced that, he's a sperm donor right now. I think you'd be wise to let go a bit of the control you seem to want to impose on the world, and accept that life is messy sometimes.

 

[DawnD]

When you think of him telling you that he doesn't remember sleeping with her, would you rather him tell you "Oh yeah, she's the best I ever had" or would you rather him just say he doesn't remember but he must have since the DNA test came back positive?

I have a step daughter. Granted, I knew about her since the day my H and I met, but it doesn't take anything away from me and the kids we have together. It honestly makes me realize how special I am that I wasn't just a one night stand, that he WANTED to build a life with me and have children. Him having another child won't take anything away from you or any children you two have together.

I can see that the financial part is really concerning you, but realize how much worse it could be. Its not like he has a new kid popping out of the woodworks every week. ( trust me, I have known a few that have). Sit down and talk it out, and know that you have this chance to truly show your husband that you love him NO MATTER WHAT.